Thursday, August 26, 2010

Welcome to my Truth - Verities from an Exciting Guy

I have stomped around the terra for almost six decades ( two years to go and I can't tell you how excited I am about it).

Yep, had a great time. I like to not only watch MGM movies on TCM but follow the advice of our genial and light-in-the-loafers host, Robert Osborne and add to my collection.

I always send away for fantastic offers and tell the postman to RUSH my order.

I stay up late when there is an Andy Devine Festival on TCM or AMC. The Man could act!

My son Conor gave me some Laffy Taffy during a fifth grade St. Cajetan's basketball game and I did. That was in, oh let me see, now, . . . in 2000, or '99. What ever, as the kids say, I laughed hard.

Like when I visited the Yarn Museum and Candle Dippings of Ontario with my wife who was large with child in the summer of 1984. I read Lincoln: A Novel by Gore Vidal on that trip. Sampled some maple fudge in Gananoqua, Onatario- ate one and got too excited. One was plenty.

Bought some peach gum later, so I wouldn't remember the maple taste, as I recall.

Lots of fun. Like checking the sewer access pipes every three weeks so as not to have a mishap when my three mighty Maples send their roots into the pipeline. Call the the Kennedy Brothers when that happens. No end of fun.

Here's some truths that I learned over the years . . .you know practicing changing the tires on the old Chevy each week, because one week I'll sure be right!

•If you jump off the bridge in Paris, you are in Seine
•A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking
•Dijon vu - the same mustard as before
•Practice safe eating - always use condiments
•Shotgun wedding - it's a case of wife or death
•A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy
•A hangover is the wrath of grapes
•Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play
•Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
•Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion
•Reading while sunbathing makes you well red
•When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I
•A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired
•What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away)
•Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana
•In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes
•She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off
•A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion
•If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed
•With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress
•The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered
•You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it
•Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under
•Every calendar's days are numbered
•A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine
•A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat
•He had a photographic memory that was never developed
•A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large
•Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall
•Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis
•Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses
•Acupuncture is a jab well done.\

Yep, had a real nice lunch, at work today -cucumber and fresh dill on white bread with just ever so little a smidgen of Dijon - don't want to overwhelm the dill you know. Folded my lunch sack and tucked into the old back pocket there's more lunches and not nearly as many brown bags you know . . .they don't grow on trees. Or do they? I'll get back to you on that!

Tell you what, Old Sock in the Wash, leave me your e-mail and your personal home phone and cell numbers and I'll give you jingle and maybe we can order some greta stuff and tell the postman to RUH our order. How's that strike you? Keen!

I hear that American Pickers will be an extra-special one tonight!

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