Saturday, August 18, 2007

Thomas the Train Engine Co-Star Takes a Brody from Sodor Hyatt Window! World of PBS - Mildly Upset

Sad news to report from the island of Sodor, a Commonwealth of Public Broadcasting and vacation spot for PBS regulars Studs Terkle, Secular Archbishop Dr. Wayne Dyer, Tavis 'All About ME' Smiley, Bill Moyers, and Way Cool Dutch Fiddler Andre Rieu.

This island of rigid people and manically smiling passive aggressive motor vehicles was rocked by the sudden and apparent suicide of Arthur The Engine. Sodor Police suspect no foul play -as this is Sodor and not Chicago. No Crime -No Foul! - the motto of PC ( Public Corporation) Police of Sodor.

Engine, A Chicago native and built at the old Purdy works in the 'tight-knit ethnic' Hegewisch Neighborhood - a long-time member of Annunciata Catholic Parish, but Chicago Public School Alumnus in the 10th Ward, Arthur the Engine, a close pal of Thomas the Tank Engine,- despaired over the flood of news and television reports that Chicago was a hot bed of intolerance, racism, 'that's how it is?' and generally lawless hum-buggery. A note saying - 'that's not what I understand it to be!' was left on the television in the Sodor Hyatt.

Depending soley on Chicago Media for information on his hometown, Mr. Engine imagined that this Media Coverage was an accurate portryal of his family, friends and neighbors. Arthur often complained that he should have gone to Mt. Carmel High School instead of Bowen as that would better have prepared him to deal more openly with passive aggressive people of PBS and the Chicago Media, who portray most Chicagoans as racists, illegal scam artists, or race hustlers. Arthur the Engine believed this not to be accurate.

PBS Spokesperson, Bea Moron, shrilled, like Sir Topham Hat Himself - 'Yes It is! Deal with it! Arthur could not.'

Concern over the recent escape of Immigration Activist Elvira Arellano, the constant droning on about the Evil Chicago Police and the flood of reports on pandemic racism in Chicago by the Chicago media sparked the Children's Programming star to 'pull the Dutch Act.' - Chicago euphemism for the ultimate personal exercise of exitential choice!

PBS Spokesperson, Bea Moron, stated 'We should all learn to 'Be More On!' Arthur never understood that people do not live together with respect ( I can now bring my Chou into Gibsons and other trendy cafes) and it is the nature of Progressive News and Programing to pick the scabs and make sure that they fester properly. When we coin neologisms, like systemic racism, and report on stories that make no sense as if they are really important - people really get active. That's a good thing; whether it is 'doing street and drive-bys, rioting or going thug!

We should all ' be more on' like PBS. Grants from huge foundations, Venezualan Dictators and Edgey Corporations are not enough! PBS needs pledges from the people that we insult on a daily basis. We do to all of you for some of us! That is good stewardship. Arthur never understood that - Poor Arthur thought it was all on the level - like a Diversity Celebration in Lake Forest. Thomas has no comment. Dr. Wayne Dyer will officiate at services for Arthur. Pledges are required and tote bags and Andre Rieu CDs issued for pledges of $200 or more. Truly.'

Be More On

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This photo of Arthur's apparent suicide looks rather doctored, as the window and porch are most curiously undamaged.

However, your intrepid reporter here has investigated further and uncovered the sad fate of Arthur's great-grandfather, documented at the following link:
Gare Montparnasse, 22 October 1895