Friday, March 27, 2009

Self Same Sex Marriage Bill? Masturbators are Huge Demographic - Come Out of the BathRoom! 'We're Here; We're . . . WAIT! I'LL BE OUT IN A MINUTE!'

Same Sex Marriage Advocate Greg Harris has a Bill Coming up:

The committee voted 4-3 to approve the bill, House Bill 2234, sponsored by State Rep. Greg Harris (D-Chicago). Harris is the also the committee chair.

In addition to Harris, State Representatives LaShawn Ford, Will Burns, and Al Riley voted for the bill. Opposing the measure were Mike Fortner, Michael McAuliffe, and Dave Winters.

The Harris legislation would grant same sex and opposite sex couples the same legal obligations, responsibilities, protections, and benefits bestowed by the law of Illinois to spouses.

Striking a high moral tone, the bill, however, would prohibit the types of traditional, historical unions once regularly practiced by Catholic royalty and blessed by the Vatican–unions between first cousins and uncles and nieces. Philip II of Spain took his niece Anna of Austria as his Queen in 1570, but under Illinois civil union law–that would be a no, no.

The bill’s other sponsors include State Representatives: Barbara Flynn Currie, Deborah Mell, Connie Howard, Sara Feigenholtz, Harry Osterman, John Fritchey, Lou Lang, George Scully, Julie Hamos, Cynthia Soto, Naomi Jakobsson and Mike Boland.

The bill now heads to the full House. Stay tuned.

March 6, 2009 - Posted by David Ormsby | Illinois Civil Unions | Al Riley, Barbara Flynn Currie, Connie Howard, Cynthia Soto, Dave Winters, Deborah Mell, George Scully, Greg Harris, Harry Osterman, HB 2234, Illinois Civil Unions, John Fritchey, Julie Hamos, LaShawn Ford, Lou Lang, Michael McAuliffe, Mike Boland, Mike Fortner, Naomi Jakobsson, Sara Feigenholtz, Will Burns | No Comments

Mary Schmich's Gay-friendly Agit-Prop piece in the Tribune today set me to thinking!

Why not Advocate a Self Same Sex Marriage Act? Masturbation! No Divorce.

It is still considered a sin in the Roman Catholic Catechism, but that does not stop Loyola, DePaul, Notre Dame, Villanova, or Georgetown from getting all PC and Celebrate Diversity Wholesome and Who's to Say?


Shame on us!

Let's have a Self-Same Marriage for Dedicated Onanists! All of US! Well maybe not me. Okay , Okay. Have I ? Don't ask. How often? Like a clock.

The portals of the Confession Box at St. Cajetan swing like saloon doors on pay day thanks to yours truly.

But let's get Secular Progressive Activist about this! Let's get Activist! I could use the dough.

Masturbators ( Onanists - What's a good Progressive Euphemism? Rubbers? Pretty Gender neutral that one, I Like it!) have not been in the closet like Homosexuals, but they have been locked in the basement and bathrooms - unable to publicly display their affections. Why, even our cousins the Primates at Lincoln Park Zoo have the Natural Right to publicly express their Self- Love!

But not Homo Sapiens?

Instead, Masturbators/Rubbers/Onanists must hide in shame and if they publicly express their love they get arrested by Systemic Brutal Cops! Masturbators are not even allowed their own clubs. They must endure ridicule from one and all even when people SAY they are only kidding* - Only this morning, I was greeted at Kean Gas Station with 'What's up, J$%-Off?' and ' Hey, Hickey, you J$%=Off, quit hogging the creamer.' Hurtful.

Masturbation is the Rainbow Expression of Human Love! H

Heterosexuals,Homosexuals, Pornographers all engage in this all too specific expression of love!

I Demand that Advocates for Masturbators come out of the bathroom of our Repressive Religion-Bound Culture and Take it to The Streets and Beat It Loudly! Rubbers Meet The Road! Bounce!

*How Long will all of us be forced to endure these epithets ridiculing our LifeStyle?
bashing the candle, Bleeding the weasel, bleedin the weed, buffing the banana, bopping the baloney, burping the worm, choking the chicken, cleaning your rifle, corking the bat, cranking the shank, cuffing the carrot, fisting your mister, flogging your dog, floggin the frog, flogging the hog, flogging the log, flute solo, jerkin'the gherkin, looping the mule, manual override, painting the pickle, pocket pinball, pocket pool, polishing the banister, polishing the rocket, pounding your flounder, pumping the python, roping the pony, spanking the monkey, teasing the weasel, tossing the turkey, walking the dog, whipping the willy, wonking your cronker, yanking the crank


Mike Houlihan said...

You Wanker! Brilliant idea, and once the pud pullers get organized we can then draw up some legislation for the Fraternity of the Flatulent, and the Scrotum Scratchers of America!

pathickey said...

Why let Primates best us when it comes to true self-love.

Think of all the wasted hate - 'Willie get youyr hands out of your diapers! You'll go blind!'

'What are you? Some kind of a J$%-Off?'

Why,Yes! Yes I Am! I Am SOME kind of J$%-Off!]

That Bil Ayers! He is What Being a J$%-Off is All About!