Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Oh, Dear Reader! U of I Dean Tells All -about something. Apologies to Stacy St. Clair and Jodi Cohen

Trustee meddling in student affairs at the University of Illinois' flagship campus extended beyond admissions as one board member made sure his relative got the classes he wanted, an associate dean testified Monday before a state panel.

Ms. Doyen Sheepshanks, associate dean of the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences, told the Illinois Admissions Review Commission that she received a "directive" from the provost's office in 2003 to help the student secure spots in classes that were already filled.

In doing so, the student jumped over scores of others ahead of him in the queues, she said.

"I remember it distinctly because of how distasteful I found it to be, but nevertheless, why put off memories, been invited on dates; might have gone but what for; awfully different without you; don't get around much any more." Dean Sheepshanks told the panel, which is investigating abuses at the Urbana-Champaign campus. . . .

The trustee's relative eventually registered for four of the six classes he wanted, the associate dean said. He was denied entry to one course because the room could not accommodate another morbidly obese student under the fire code and was rejected from the other when a department chair balked at such nepotism, poor grooming, nostril hair and halitosis, Sheepshanks testified.

The incident marked at least the second time the trustee's relative received preferential treatment on his class schedule, she said. In the 2003 case, the student had not registered for classes at his assigned time and was shut out of several courses when he eventually tried, but managed to spend the entire semester playing pool and caging drinks from Graduate students of the School of Economics.

"If they had used the regular enrollment time, they would have gotten in on their own,but as the directive had come from the Provost, distasteful at it might seem, I nevertheless inked a pithy note on good quality Florentine card stock, which was a gift from gentleman that I met at this quaint truck stop in Gilman, or was it Paxton . . .nevertheless, he was a robust and lusty poet-Teamster with leonine hair that waved luxuriantly even without the faintest of breeze and the Arms of an Adonis, or a Francis Boyle and we dallied a bit in Arcola and purchased delightful Amish candies and soaps, but . . . the wanderlust doused the torch of passion, we parted sweetly and I must uphold the Woman's burden." she said.

The student later sent a letter to college officials apologizing for the trustee's meddling, saying he never wanted preferential treatment. " It was cool that you helped. I can't be the Chief, so why go to U of I? I mean, my posse is going to SIU and they party cheaper in Giant City and Cobden. Gotta bounce! Peace out!"

Sheepshanks refused to identify the student or the trustee, citing federal laws protecting student privacy, but waxed rhapsodical about the Gentleman Poet- Teamster and their Arcola Idyll.

After all. long time ( 16 years) University Boss Stanley Ikenberry said nothing like this happened on his watch! As far as he wished to tell.

Profound apologies to the fine work of Chicago Tribune's Stacy St. Clair and Jodi Cohen. Keep these fatuous folks a talking!

DO! Oh, do, Dear Reader, click my post title for the fine work of St. Clair and Cohen. Like good homicide detectives, the Chicago Tribune keeps these goofs talking.

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