1. SCHIZOPHRENIA : Do You Hear What We Hear?
2. AMNESIA : I Don't Know If I'll Be Home for Christmas.
3. NARCISSIST : Hark the Herald Angels Sing-All About Me .
4. MANIC : Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants, and . . .
5. MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER : We Three Queens Disoriented Are.
6. PARANOID : Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me.
7. BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER : Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.
8. FULL PERSONALITY DISORDER : You Better Watch Out! I'm Gonna cry; I'm Gonna Pout! -- Maybe I'll Tell You Why .
9. OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER : Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells . . .
10. AGORAPHOBIA : I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day, but Wouldn't Leave My House..
11. SENILE DEMENTIA : Walking in a Winter Wonderland -- Miles from My House in My Slippers and Robe
12. OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANCE DISORDER : I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus...so I Burned Down the House.
13. SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER : Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate
14. ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER : We Wish You . . . Hey Look!!! It's Snowing!!!
Huge hat tip to Max Wesmann of the Center for the Study of Great Ideas
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