Sunday, June 13, 2010

Catholic Worship - Mass with Jimmy Swaggert & Bennie Hinn!

I went to a suburban Catholic Mass . . .I think, because it was a memorial for a close family member. This particular Church was one of the too many Mega-McMansions of the Gender Neutral Triune God, like the photo above, being built wherever Catholics thicken the Zipcode.

If you did not know that this was a Catholic Church - there is a cornerstone blessed and dedicated by Cardinal Bernardin - one might think that he were doing the 3rd Commandment with Benny Hine and Jimmy Swaggert. Ek Kyew Miny Kal!!!!!! Prayz Jayzus!

Not my cup of Gethsemane.

I'm an Old Timey Catholic - I like a Catholic Church -Polish, French, Irish, Italian, Croatian, or Pygmy to reflect Universal -Catholic traditions, liturgy, architecture, music & etc. De Gustibus Non Est Disputandum. to be sure, but Latin, or English Smells and Bells optional, but for Christ's sake something like a Catholic Mass! If I wanted to be a Unitarian, I'd take tranquillizers and stay home.

Place was huge and I guess round - statuary and stained glass negative - and Frank Lloyd Wright in its warmth.

The oratory ( where they do the Readings Epistle & Gospel) faced the altar and point of focus was the piano/organ where two women who looked like bartenders at the Wilde Pug, in Andersonville - the singer had as lousy a voice as the Charlie Brown Liturgical Hymnal of unsingable and equally forgettable Nouveau Faux-Catholic ditties. Taste and Eat! Smell My Feet! Sorry. That was the best of the toe-tappers.

There is an enormous Font with free flowing Holy Water ( Who blesses it? Do they a have a midget priest tucked in under the floor boards or behind the lathing in one of the walls? Did they hire a guy from Pipe Fitters Local 597 to Sanctify the water right out of the pipeline????) that sounds like the surf off of Cape Cod in November. It was a riot to watch all of the Flomax poppers dash off to the Gents once the whispering Holy Waters did that Pavlovian magic.

We did the standard King David was sorry for having Uriah whacked; St. Paul's Galatians Luther epistle and the Simon the Pharisee dressing down over the forgiveness of the jade who washed Christ's feet I'm Okay;You're Okay Homily.

Everybody Dance Now! Duh,duh, duh,duh!!

The Creed was mumbled - No Memorare which is standard at Sacred Heart and then more appalling tunes from the two female gents from Wilde Pug.

It was one of those everyone gets wine -two species Eucharists.

I am sure that Father/Pastor Cupcake rolls over and does whatever his masters ( the Liturgists) tell him to do.

Lay Liturgical Nazis are doing to worship what nitwits are doing to American culture.

I like going to Mass. I missed it this Sunday.


mcnamara.physics said...

This requires a sincere "Amen", Brother Pat! I could not agree more.

pathickey said...

Mac Phys,
It was Brooo Tal! The He-males doing the tunes made Karl Malden look like Ann Margaret and sang like a guy sated with Slidders in a cold bathtub.

David said...

What is that expression about the relationship between truth & humor?
anyway, Patrick, I sure do miss your Robin Williams-esque rants--always hilarious with a seed of truth and wisdom. Thanks!