I've-A Weddin' - Stuff to Consider

                         "Kiss the Bride, Hickey.  She's Drunk enough"

Don't You Love Weddings?  I do - in theory, philosophically and all.

Want to go to a wedding?  Sure. Family and all.  Why not?  Great Food. Great Music, though I preferred the wedding orchestra of yore to the DJ of our times. Music By the The Jagatones!!!!!!

No kidding that was the name of a real wedding band that played nearly ever nuptial in Kankakee County back in  the1970's-1990's.  The band was J. Agatone ( a music teacher) and his orchestra.

The drum kit sported the JAGATONES on the bass.

Open Bar?  On the south side that is de rigueur.   I have been invited to many joyful unions beyond the Pale and almost all were cash bar events. No big deal.

Wedding food can range from the bohemian to the traditional at La Villa St-Jacques Mason de Cadillac Coupe de Ville Banquets to Country Club chic 

The eats will be great anyway.

Prior to the wedding, I must make sure that my clothing fits.  Try squeezing into that swell Haspel olive khaki suit that you bought for the baby's christening in 1995 and expect comments like,

• "Hickey, nice suit; didn't have one in your size?"
• "Why do all fur suits look so ******* bad? "
• "If you have the money, time and resources to make/buy something like that... why would you waste it on making it look like a muck savage
• "Where's the jock-strap and snow shoes this event?  The didgnity of aging no doubt.

Dress not to impress.  Dress to go unnoticed.  Shine your shoes.  For God's sake wear a belt.

Hair -Get a hair cut at a real barber and not Clipper Gals Hot-Pants Trim Trimmers ( regular $15).  Spend a buck Go to Cuttrone's on 111th and avoid remarks like 

• " You got them Russian gang Tats to go with the Fade, Hickey?"
• " You look just like Thomas Merton!"
• " Going back for Act 2?"
• " Got rid of the lice, Big Boy?
• " Went to that $4 German barber - a buck a side?"

Weddings are crowded.  Blend, blend and blend again.  Smile up a storm.  Feign deafness.  Skip the soup - especially if it is creamed anything. Do the Hokey Pokey and Turn Yourself Around.  Do an Irish Farewell*. 

That's what it's all about!

* Also, known as 'Pulling a Murphy**'  Leaving quietly out the side door of a party or bar without saying goodbye to anyone. 

** Beating it from Mass after the Gospel.