Waterboy Eric Zorn Tries to Tweak Cardinal George - Spitballs Tossed at the USS Missouri

"You'll thank me for this years from now, Eric . . .or not. Yeah, probably not"

The Chicago Tribune's Waterboy, Eric Zorn, whom the Tower Editorial Board would to prop up to be The Man over a real newsman John Kass,  once again does his Nerd-Gone-Gangsta routine with today's attempt to tweak Chicago's Archbishop Francis Cardinal George over Rahm Emanuel's callow water tax levy on churches.

The claim that the public should pay water bills for organizations that do good things for the community at large is flimsy -- what, should we pay their electric bills, too? How about their property insurance? -- but at least arguable.
But the claim that the public should pay church water bills because religion itself is such a good thing -- a "glue" -- that everyone should chip in to pay for it is constitutionally (and otherwise) offensive.

Alas, The Kids in the Tower are up against EZ's gifts and public tastes. John Kass speaks with the heart and soul of a neighborhood Chicagoan and therefore remains the vox populi.  Eric 'EZ' Zorn ? This poor goof must have had a very sad childhood, indeed.

Many of the self-proclaimed 'smartest kids in class' had horrific experiences in school, due to their sense of opinion, free speech and downright loud proclamations of their whiz-bang logic.  While teachers might patiently smile at young Eric's penchant for entering the lists of any and every argument, cadres of contemporaries waited as patiently for recess, or lunch time opportunities for activist rebuttal in the form of pantsing the young Rousseau and tossing his Dad 'N Lads up on the nearest available utility lines.

The salubrious effect pantsing had on many a young Danton from my halcyon days was profound.  Young Hegels avoided becoming public ninnies and embraced common sense. Yousee, pantsing was a much more direct and emphatic manner of saying, " My dear chap, have you thought through what you have just said?  Allow me and your boonchums here to demonstrate the folly and willfully bad manners your comments make . . .grab the snotty little prique, Alphonse!"

Eric Zorn, sadly, missed out on this opportunity to remove his schnozzola from his belly-button for life because his words and inclinations were protected by educators unschooled in group play, but learned in group think.  The young fellow was few years behind the Golden Learning Curve. The result - EZ would be as welcome among most Chicagoans, as Kermit Gosnell at The Babysitter's Club.

Francis Cardinal George is more of my cultural contemporary than Eric Zorn.   We got smacked when got snotty with our elders and betters and Eric Zorn was taught by 'Who's To Say-ers.'  Wrong Side of History?  Perhaps. Wrong Side of the Brain-pan?  For sure.

Let's get to pantsing.

EZ objects to Cardinal George's protestations over a tax levied by Mayor Rahm on churches as a warning shot fired over bow.  Had Cardinal George gone all Seamless Garment on Gay Marriage, everything would be jake.

Instead, the historical exemption for churches was nixed.

Rahm Emanuel causes men of faith like Alderman Pat O'Connor to soil his Haines at the thought defending his church and common sense:

Story by 89 WLS Reporter Bill Cameron(CHICAGO) At City Hall, Mayor Rahm Emanuel's City Council Floor Leader Alderman Pat O'Connor says he's upset about the joke Cardinal Francis George made yesterday in a bid to restore free city water for churches.
O’Connor is not amused by the cardinal joking that maybe it’s time for the church to charge the city for water because Lake Michigan is God’s gift to us.
When asked, the alderman said the cardinal should stick to praying and saving souls.
“The silliest things can be said and people latch onto it.” O’Connor said. “For chrissake, we sell everybody water!  And now all of a sudden because we’re a church, we’re not supposed to sell them water?  At some point, i think what’s gonna happen is someone’s go– and here he alluded to pedophile priests - and stop talking about free water.  H/T Dan Kelley

That a boy, Pat!  Roll over.  Sic 'em with that abuse canard.  The white haired burgher really gave us a look at the gummy worm he has for a backbone.

Aldermen are scared $hitless of Rahm. All of them.  Why?  Plum evades me. Money, or the future lack of it thereof, I reckon.

Back to EZ - Eric Zorn hasa veritable  written of Pentateuch  of Rahm Happy propaganda ever since the diminuitive danse tyran took over the Fifth Floor from Richard II : Garbage Grid/ School Reform/Ceasefire Giveaways/Make underutilized and empty real estate an opportunity for the Hyde Park Mafia ( Miner/Davis/Jarret/Rogers et al)/Cop Bash and Mayor Water Tax-ey.

The water tax not only pumps up the Mayor with the Raccoon Eyes, but has the added tang of slapping the Catholic Church. Thus, more EZ logic.

The claim that the public should pay water bills for organizations that do good things for the community at large is flimsy -- what, should we pay their electric bills, too? How about their property insurance? -- but at least arguable

The Lake provides water, water.  The Unevolved, unlike the pains-in-the-ass, understand that the Great Lakes were part of God's Bounty.  That Bounty went untaxed for churches and other do-gooding non-governmental clingers to religion . . .until the Evolved showed up.

Insurance is, like usury, an unnatural man crafted construct.  Electricity comes from God's Bounty, but it takes ComEd, not City Hall, to harness the sparks after getting the coal burners a' cooking.

Apples and lug nuts,there,  Eric.

Now, to call of of the most respected scholars and original thinkers in a hard collar - a flimsy logician?

Well, that is like tossing spitballs at a battleship.

The water tax is a punitive measure to make the churches roll over on legislation that is dangerous and silly.

Every bill pumped into Springfield with Planned Parenthood dollars, or Fred Eychaner's moolah will be opposed by Cardinal George and the next the bishop of Chicago and the churches that avoid appearing like a Bill Moyers special on PBS.

Catholic aldermen will back Rahm.  Eric Zorn will carry water for Rahm.  Some kids are still in dire need of good pantsing.