Tuesday, April 15, 2008

John McCain: Cook With Me -Huffpo's David Weiner & Bitter Clinging Peaches Ragout!

'Dave quit wiggling!'

David Weiner one of Arianna Huffington's trained purse puppies, squeaks that Cindy McCain lifted recipes from the Food Network!!!!!

Click my post title for Weiner World!

On a section of McCain's site called "Cindy's Recipes," you can find seven recipes attributed to Cindy McCain, each with the heading "McCain Family Recipe." Ms. Handel quickly realized that some of the "McCain Family Recipes," were in fact, word-for-word copies of recipes on the Food Network site.

Boy, that alliterative 'S' sound - Cs Ss and Sthuch - really pops off the paragraph!

Sounds like steam escaping!

Dave grip it. I'll bet that Cindy McCain's book shelves, at times, contained books from the Public Library.

Dave - Cindy McCain is . . . she's a woman Dave; one of them Female Girls. The kind that marry men. I married one them myself. They are strange creatures. They follow recipes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cindy McCain, Senator John McCain's Easy On the Eyes Better Half, has done what every American Woman has done - she has stolen recipes from someone else. That is what women do, Dave. Every American woman, from the time the first Winsome Wench of the Prairies snitched pages of the Farmer's Almanac on 'Black Kettle Biscuits and Gravy from One Ounce of Fat Back Bacon for Five' has taken recipes from Nana, Busha, Grannie, or Aunt Gert, you know the one who acts and looks like Jane Addams, or Louie Anderson, snatches snack synopses.

On the other hand, John McCain and the balance of American Men cook, roast, dice, chop, saute, stew and boil from the heart.

Bam! What's in the Ice Box Kids? Step off! I'll Holler when it's done!


Dave Weiner & Bitter Cling Peaches Ragout

Wash Your Hands! Yeah, I know you wiped 'em good, but wash the damn mitts. quit pouting - it's healthy. Now . . .

Take Weiner and toss - good and hard - on the cutting board. Pound - repeatedly -about eight minutes - no reason, just do it. It is from the heart and not some purloined recipe, after all.

Take Bitter Cling Peaches - Bitter -like most Americans Cling -to Faith, Guns, Each Other and Peaches 'cause I likes them! Bitter Clings can be found all over the country - not just parts of Pennsylvannia.

With dull knife, make a incisions into the Weiner - no reason. Then Chop, Dice and Mince.

Heat oven to 425o - Take 18" Frozen Home Run Inn Pizza from the Ice Box. Place frozen Pizza on center rack, directly; do not use the dip-shit pizza pan with holes that Aunt Joan gave me for Christmas in 1990. Place directly on rack - Oh, for really dumb guys - place the pizza and not the cardboard in the oven. You'll need the cardboard circle to cut the pizza. Set timer for seventeen (17) minutes - no more; no less! Let cool.


Mix Dave Weiner thoroughly with Bitter Cling Peaches and toss into a metal bowl. Take it three doors down and feed it to the perpetually pissed off German Shepherd owned by the retired school teacher from CPS who peers out of the curtains every time a train passes - which is about every eight minutes in this neighborhood.

Take the Pizza from the oven - guys use oven mitts and slide the cardboard under the cooked pizza and cut into mostly rectangular sections and not Slice Wedges like a faux Brooklynite - we're Chicagoans for Crissakes! Feed the kids! Serve with Filbert's Root Beer or Green River.

John McCain could whip up a batch of David Weiner and Bitter Cling Peaches Ragout and feed it to an unhappy dog. It is what good guys do. The recipe would be in a much better place than on the pages of Huffington Post. A dog's colon is about the right fit for one of Arrianna Huffington's purse puppies.

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