Friday, February 11, 2011

Rahmses Uno- Pharaoh Dealer of Old Chicago!

Now that Hose Knee has taken it on the Arthur Duffy - exite stage left -from his toils in the shadow of the pyramids; let's imagine a film ( yeah, I know, Movie) about the advent of Emanuel -not found in the reeds - but in New Trier - who danced his way into the power and the glory that is Chicago. Imagine all of the genius and money available to preserve that thought in an epic film to rival Avatar and The Hangover. Well, imagine no more Lucille!

I spoke with Chicago Independent film-maker Fay Accompli who is doing a bio-pic/documentary on the all but media-assured election of Rahm Emanuel. Fay Accompli has scads, literally scads, of money.

Fitting this coupling of real Chicago pipe is earnest and Progressive Cecil B. Demille-in-Drag, Fay Accompli's treatment will be wrapped in old timey splendor and CinemaScope and Technicolor with a cast of millions and funded by a grant from the Pritzker Foundation, Arianna Huffington Industries and the Chubb Group. Chicago icon Sugar Rautbord, author of the best smelling novel The Fifth Floor which she is promoting everywhere, is on the project.

Ms. Fay Accompli gushed, " The Chicago Tribune says it all, 'No other candidate combines Emanuel's candor about the threats facing Chicago with the will to take necessary steps -- some of them unpopular -- to tame those threats,' and no one threatens threats like a Pharaoh. Look at Mubarak! Rahm will threaten threats with threatening threats. I see Rahm as Pharaoh - like Yul Brynner. I wish I get him to do the picture, but I'll use Jeremy Piven. He's so Chicago. or John What's is Name? The one whose sister does the phone ads , you know." I do not.
Ms. Accompli fleshed out a scene that I will offer to you, Dear Reader

The scene is Pharaoh's palace on the 5th Floor surrounded by eunuchs from the Chicago Media and horny dowagers who all look like Sugar Rautbord

Rahmses I -
Jeremy Piven, or that John What's His Name as Rahm Emanuel

Ald. Ed Burke -
erst-while Moses the Law Giver played by Richard Deacom

Monied Dowager Sugar Rautbord -
played by none other than author, socialite, wit, shrinking violet Sugar.

Media Eunuch Bruce Dold - Bruce Dold will be played by Chi-panda whose bamboo stuffings are only match by the papier mache substance of Chicago Tribune's Editorial Board.

Rahmses Deuce -
played by scenery chewing Rep. Mike Quigley - short of nothing, but all of that virtue stuff.

Here with just two weeks before the polls close like a maiden's knees at the approach of a bounder, Fay Accompli's Ramses I - the screenplay.

Rahmses I - The Commandments: And You Thought Ten Was a Lot!

Scene: Fifth Floor of City Hall

[to Sugar Rautbord] You will be my wife. You will come to me whenever I call you, and I will enjoy that very much. Whether you enjoy it or not is entirely your own affair... But I think you will.

[To Bruce Dold] You will be mine, like my dog, or my horse, or my falcon, except that I shall love you more - and trust you less.

[banishing Ed Burke to the desert] Here is your king's scepter, and here is your kingdom, with the scorpion, the cobra, and the lizard for subjects. Free them if you will. Leave the Hebrews to me.

[ to Mike Quigley] My son, I shall build your tomb upon their crushed bodies.
[to Ed Burke again]Come to me no more, Ed Burke, for the day you see my face again you will surely die! So let it be written, so let it be done...authenticate here, here and here - Move! For @#$%^'s sake! Get it #$%^ing Notarized and #$%^&ing take it to Dave Orr!

The score by Riccardo Muti and the Chicago Symphony Orchestra - if he's up to it.
My Preview Review: It'll be the Cat's Nuts!

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