Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Our Pacific President Makes Up to Gunny - 2,500 Marines Go Down Under

CANBERRA — The United States will deploy up to 2,500 Marines to Australia as the nations expand their 60-year-old military alliance, President Barack Obama said Wednesday in a move that rankled China.

Stressing the rising economic influence of the Asia-Pacific, Obama told reporters in Canberra he was stepping up Washington's commitment to the region, undaunted by China, which he said America did not fear.

"The notion that we fear China is a mistake. The notion that we are looking to exclude China is a mistake," Obama said. Not by Jug-full!"

The self-declared "Pacific President" told reporters at a joint press conference with Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard that when it came to the fast-growing region: The President went Full Salty!

"We are here to stay. Early in my Presidency, I mispoke, once. I was taken to task by America's Gunny for mispronouncing Corpsman as Corpseman.

To that end - I will deploy 2,500 screamin' kickin' clawin' US Marines just itchin' to get into a real donnybrook with them slant-eyed Heathen Reds in this our vast American bathtub that is the Pacific.

By God, I'd give my left globe to go with those Jarheads. Nothing like it - shipping out! The blue sea boiling as the old bucket cuts the swells and dolphins escort the tars and jars on the rail as far as they can go - RIGHT up to and including the Equator and we make the new shell backs out of young polliwogs!

I am the Pacific President and I have worn out more seabags than Georgie Bush has socks, lousy stick jockey ( spit). Why back in '74 thereabouts I was knee-high to gnats ass and smokin' - I was in Bali then. Kunai Grass don't bother me none. Neither do a sharp crack with a Bolo knife.

It will be great to feel the rolling deck under my feet again. Why last time in Shanghai. . . I had a . . .well let's just say that . . . never mind. I'll toss my hammock and seabag up over my broad shoulders and swagger abroad the Old Chaumont she was an ornery bitch of a scow but a good feeder - beans and hardtack washed down with quarts of good old So Ho Shin from Peking or the Squarehead U & B dark in Shanghai!

The Tackle tickles a bit. One second . . .there, we go, shipmates!

I must have pissed unicorns, or picked up a nail from that she -witch of a tart of a White Russian Countess in Tienstin . . .there I go again with my old Sea Stories.

Come on Miss Prime Minister, be good Sheila and howl this one out with me!

When the robbers had desisted/
And there wasn’t much to do,

Then the Fourth was called to China,/
To Shanghai the Chaumont flew,

Now for years we’ve been in Shanghai,/
What a peaceful life to lead!

Only two small wars to cheer us;/
All we do is sleep and feed

That wasn't so bad was it,Sister? Better than the crabs and a lack of Blue Oin'ment, or a butt-full of Brylcream!

By God them heathen Chinee had better keep them squinty eyes of theirs on them Ps & Qs!

That's all!

Step aside Feathermerchant! I'm as thirsty as I am horny and this is the only gangplank!

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