Tuesday, May 17, 2011

IMF Chairman DSK: Frog One's Guide to Wooing Women

A Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a Frenchman were
approached by a reporter. "Excuse me, what is your opinion
about the meat shortage?"

Saudi: "What's a shortage?"

Russian: "What's meat?"

North Korean: "What's an opinion?"

Frenchman: "Excuse me?? What's excuse me?"

One victim of IMF Chair Dominique Strauss-Kahn* described his advances upon her as those of a Chimp on Speed. Does this Minky have a License?

Aside from their love of Jerry Lewis movies; aversion to soap, water and Burma Shave; Rousseau, Malraux, and movies about nothing I am a Franco-phile. I dig the Foreign Legion, Maurice Chevalier, Leslie Caron and French cuisine. My favorite character in the French Connection was Frog One the dope slinger and mollusk slurping French Dandy.

New York has Frog One's twin in custody for raping a hotel maid. In deferece to his Nation, let's assume that he is guilty until proven innocent.

A New York cop buddy of mine e-mailed me his thoughts on love making. They always sound nice in French.


My friends, no one lures a woman into the web of love like Frenchman.

Use these charming bon mots to woo a lovely girl and have your wicked way with her!

(Mes amis, ne leurres une femme dans le web de l'amour comme le Français.

Utilisez ces bons mots de charme pour séduire une belle jeune fille et d'avoir votre mauvaise voie avec elle!)
En français, s'il vous plaît.

1.Venez sur le bébé laissez les bons temps rouler!

2. Je suis seulement en ville pour quelques jours, donc let's rock de la casbah!

3. Quittez que sourire et déposer votre linge!

4. Q. Vous savez à quoi ressemblerait beaucoup sur vous?

5. Je parie que vous avez mis dehors comme une machine à pop!

6. Bracelet en sœur! Rocket Man a décoller!

7. D'accord, Venez en travers ou je casse le bras et de notation de crédit pour ce continent tout entier méchant!

Before we look at the charges against this beaut allow me to ask,

Q. How many jokes are there about the French?
A. One, the rest are true

This is the Manhattan criminal court complaint in the case:

Detective Steven Lane, shield 03295 of the Detective Borough Manhattan Special Victims Squad, states as follows:

On May 14, 2011, at about 12:00 hours inside of 45 West 44th street in the county and state of New York, the defendant committed the offences of:

1. Criminal sexual act in the first degree (2 counts)

2. Attempted rape in the first degree (1 count)

3. Sexual abuse in the first degree (1 count)

4. Unlawful imprisonment in the 2nd degree-DNA-eligible MISD (1 count)

5. Sexual abuse in the 3rd degree-DNA-eligible MISD (1 count)

6. Forcible touching-DNA-eligible-MISD

The defendant engaged in oral sexual conduct and anal sexual conduct with another person by forcible compulsion; the defendant attempted to engage in sexual intercourse with another person by forcible compulsion; the defendant subjected another person to sexual contact by forcible compulsion; the defendant restrained another person; the defendant subjected another person to sexual contact without the latter's consent; and in that the defendant intentionally, and for no legitimate purpose, forcibly touched the sexual and other intimate parts of another person for the purpose of degrading and abusing such person, and for the purpose of gratifying the defendant's sexual desire.

The offences were committed under the following circumstances:

Deponent states that deponent is informed by an individual known to the District Attorney's office that defendant 1) shut the door to the above location and prevented informant from leaving the above location; 2) grabbed informant's breasts without consent; 3) attempted to pull down informant's pantyhose and forcibly grabbed informant's vaginal area; 4) forcibly made contact with his penis and informant's mouth twice; and 5) was able to accomplish the above acts by using actual physical force.

Now. get to translating Breakfast Clubbers!

I wonder how long it will take Woody Allen, Alec Baldwin, and Sean Penn to raise money for his defense? Un, Du, Tois

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