Monday, May 23, 2011

First BIFFO and Ireland's First Culchie Tea Talkin' the 'Begrudgery of others'

Israel has nothing to worry about Biffo* Obama is talking it over with Taoiseach Enda Kenny.

President Biffo Obama -

I can turn a grey sky blue; I can make it rain whenever I wan it to. I can make it shine on a cloudy day; when it's cold outside, I got the month of may! I can build a castle from a single grain of sand and I can make a ship sail on dry land.

Taoiseach Enda Kenny -
Saying "Haaah" everytime someone says something. That's culchie. Silver mints. A nice bit of ham. TK red lemonade. Saying ahhh after a sup of tay. Giving the dog the wildest baitings. Giving the wife the wildest baitings. Knowing what pubs are on the Limerick Tipperary road. Drink Driving. Grabbing a hould of a bird in Coppers. Diesel. Saying “stall the digger”. Going out specifically to buy petrol. Super Splits. Neat Whisky. Fisticuffs after the dhischo. Drinking neat whicky followed by Fisticuffs after the dhischo. Driving up house prices in Dublin . Quinns. Tractors in a Paddys Day Parade. Laughing at people with clean wellies. Battenburg. Tanora. Tanora with a thick slice of battenburg wrapped up in an Abernethys bread wrapper on the train to Thurles. Tying up jeans with a bit of bailing twine. Buttered biscuits. Diggin Holes. Saying tis too cold to snow. A dinner dance. Tayto Cheese & Onion. Countin money. A stretch in d'evenings. Rubbing their hands together before tucking into their dinner. Pretending to like Harp . Marietta biskits. Drivin inta poholes with the tractor. Spittin in their hands before doing anything manual. A big bowl of stew. Eating sangwiches out of the boot of a car at GAA Matches. Saying someones 'Opened a Book' on something. The smell of silage. Slice-Your-Own Loaf. A bottle of mineral. Fighting with d'neighbours. Puttin on a ganzee to stop them from bein perished. 'The' Hurling and Futball. Bakin n cabbage. Price of calves.. Sayin' things like 'Well Holy God ... will ya look at that.' Dirty number plates so they cant get caught with the speed cameras. The Fear of Change. A nice bit of Barnbrac with a cup a Strong Tay. Drinkin tay off a saucer. Building stone walls. Being starved with the cold rather than with a lack of food. Flowery Spuds. Talking about the stretch in the evenin's. A good blackthorn walkin stick. Shouting 'Yaaahhhhooooooo' when something good happens. The replay of the Sunday Game on Monday. Talkin bout machinery. Sayin' things like 'Arra fer Jaysus Sake' A good read of Buy n Sell. Winnin a turkey at the cards. Scandal, as long as its about other people. A Gud bail a Turf, because dat Centril heatin's only a wemins ting. Wellies. Sponge 'n Custurt. Illegal Parking in Dublin. Begrudgery of others.

Tomorrow off to see the Queen!

Huge hat tip to Talkin' Culchie

* BIFFO - BIFFO Irish slang for a "Big Ignorant Fucker From Offaly" but feel free to substitute you city of choice...
It's especially handy when the BIFFO doesn't know you're insulting him (or her), and even better when they shorten it for themselves and asked to be called "Bif"
Hey Biffo, what's up? What's craic, Biif? Pass the salt 'n vinegar Taytos, Biffo.

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