Tuesday, April 12, 2011

BarMoochian Economics - "We Ain't Broke! Gimme a Jackson."

With his back to the wall -Dr. Short-arms Lanigan explains that there is plenty of wealth to be tapped. Not his, of course, ours.

World Class Economics Solons like Journolista Ezra Klein of the Washington Post crack me up. The current mantra coming from leaning lefty columnists, commentators and , of course, celebrities is the call for more taxes! Ball of Confusion!!! The Tempting Ts - the Temptations warned all of us tail-end Charlie Baby Boomers of this pattern of thought.

Air pollution, revolution, gun control,
Sound of soul
Shootin' rockets to the moon
Kids growin' up too soon
Politicians say more taxes will
Solve everything
And the band played on

Pay your fair-share! YOUR - possesive pronoun - meaning YOU possessing that share. YOU is ME too. You never hear our bloated bolshevik Michael Moore demand that the Federal Government dig into his gelt. Moore, like every Progressive that I have encountered in this Vale of Tears, is tighter than the pockets on a fat man's pants.

Imagine coming up with a Hollywood Tax? An 80 percent tax of every Celebrity Super Star, Rock Star, Rap Star, Writer, Movie Star, Producer, Agent, Lawyer and Mogul earning over $ Million a year would shut the mopes up.

Robert Reich, Michael Moore, and David Plouffe must have all studied at the feet of
"Short-arms" Lanigan - Dr. of Redistribution of Your Wealth Economist at the University of the Bar Stool Near You. Dr. Lanigan studied the Wimpy School of Economics from the old Popeye cartoons - 'I will gladly pay you tomorrow for a hamburger today' and took things to the next level.

The eminent Dr. Short-arms has his First Communion money, to paraphrase Mike Houlihan. His dictum - Let the Other pay - works in taverns and in many other situations that require immediate payment for product and services: lawncare, plumbing, and meeting tuition - 'I'm a little short at the moment. Tough economy ain't it?'

Short-arms has deep, deep pockets and very short arms. Why spend his money, when you have your's already on the bar. The trick is knowing that one must take advantage of the fact that most people are intrinsically generous, hospitable, and welcoming and that timing and positioning is everything.

If there are twelve people at the bar engaged in conversation and beefy goodfellowship, Short-arms immediately engages the most popular and conversive of the group and compliments him/her on the latest achievement by the individual or his spawn - "That is one beautiful Hostis row along the south end of your home, Burlington, Old Man!" or " Your kid made a great catch in the 9th up a Kennedy to win the game, too bad you were here sucking back Old Styles . . .I just came from the Park; helping Brian Tansey with the T-Ball kids."

Gee That's great. Moira, get everyone from the street to the shithouse! Have one, Short Arms!

Accept! Each man and woman will shoulder the tariff of drink. In theory. Follow Dr. Short-arms Lanigan's dicta -

1. Determine the direction that the liquid assets of largesse will take in, rolling credit, to one and all - save one.

2. Do not stay immediately next ( sinister et dextra) to the boon chum, but, immediately move to the end of the line - in the direction of the rolling largesse n'cest pas.

3. Once someone has called to pay, interject an offer to toss coin into the hazard and await the sanctions and protestations - 'First caller buys.' wait your turn.

4. Wait indeed. Once satisfied. Make a strategic exit - have a cell phone and pretend that it is on BUZZ. 'They're towing my car! Can you believe them bastards?' or, 'The Cat's on fire! Emergency Hemlick call at Olde Country Buffet on Ridgeland, I'm a volunteer EMT - you all knew that; didn't you? gotta bustle! Next Time!'

5. Come back in three days and repeat.

There is enough wealth! Short-arms and deep pockets will diminish that.

Hope and Change and more than a few rolls of folding money.

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