Tuesday, January 01, 2013

2013 -Tell God and Maytag Your Plans

How was your last day of 2012?  That's great.  Mine sucked . . .water from the Maytag ice-maker that leaked all over the kitchen and down into the basement laundry.  Craftsman sucks good.

New Years was to take place at the reception of a wedding for two young lovers at a massive hall near Chinatown, following Mass at an iconic Catholic Church in the west Loop.

New Years Eve is always a day of dred for parents of t'weens, teens and twenty-somethings.  I have done the EVE-dred for many years knowing that circumstance and Free Will can often have a substantial impact, also knowing that my DNA was shared with three innocents.

I managed to negotiate a date for the wedding, had my two button Armani suit cleaned and pressed, put a coat or two  of Kiwi on the dependable old wingtips, wrote a generous check out to the very happy couple, placed it in a card that I had the good sense to have my daughter purchase rather than select my own Dogs Playing Cards genre - love those!

My eldest was also attending a New Year's Eve Wedding in the suburbs, my son was out of town and his car keys are yet on his dresser, but my youngest (17 years of age) was working the 4-9 shift at Smith Village here in Beverly with the twins who accompany her after work home and then to a supervised party in Morgan Park complete with sleepover.

The bairns were accounted for and in New Year's Eve circumstances that checked parental Eve-dred, somewhat.

I own a Maytag refrigerator; did  I mention that?

The wedding Mass was set for 5:30 P.M. my date lives in the near western suburbs off of the Eisenhower Expressway -no friend to a timely arrivals.  The distance from my home in stately Morgan Park/St. Cajetan's parish is 26.6 miles with times varying anywhere from 39 minutes to God

10757 S Rockwell St, Chicago, IL 60655

Help Me! - especially coming into the Circle exchange and navigating to pick up the Ike 290.( Cultural note - the discarded booze, beer and wine bottles under the overpasss indicate a robust attitude of fresh-air imbibers; where to my recollection cast off empties sported labels like Happy Cossack Vodka, Pepe Lopez Tequila, vintage TJ Swan, Mad Dog, or Wild Irish Rose and rusted cans of Grain Belt,Country Club Malt Liqour,  Buckhorn, or Burgie beer, now glimmers empty worthies like CÎROC Red Berry and Coconut Vodka, Gran Patron Burdeos, a tequila aged in French and American oak and then aged in barrels sourced from Chateaux Margaux, magnums of Lavernette Granit , and Bomber sized bottles and cans - “big cans” ranging from a 14.9-ounce Irish stout to a jumbo 22-ounce Japanese reserve lager and the very best IPAs hither and yon.) The crawl onto the Ike is a cultural field trip.

We arrived at the parking lot near the church well-before the start of Mass. Before going into any place of worship, I set the phone on silent and buzz and tucked it into my top-coat pocket.  The ceremony was beautiful, fun and fitting. Marriage still means something.

We chatted with friends and acquaintances and then headed to our car for the trip to Chinatown. Once in traffic, I felt the buzz in my top-coat pocket and ignored the phone.  I am a two-hands on the wheel driver with a healthy respect for my fellow motorists and a deep regard for lane-changing meatheads and texting ninnies.

Once at the hall, which was absolutely packed with guests and wedding cast members, I again felt the buzz and transfered the phone to the pants pocket of my suit.  I took care of the coats and the elegant and darling hat worn by my chic sweetheart, carefully filed the ticket stub and worked my way through the burly and the muliebrous members and guests of the wedding to the bar and ordered my lovely escort a tall vodka and orange juice.

I nodded warmly and throated greetings with hearty good humor and responded to derisive demeanors with a modest smile, "Yes, I am still breathing, more's the pity; perhaps this New Year will harbor some chagrin to set sail my way. Keep a happy thought, @##hole."

The phone buzzed again. 

Dinner was delayed, but all enjoyed plates of miniature goodies and potables by the bottle and glass.  The DJ played "Can't Get Next to You!"  and I white-boy danced ( shoulders and head) the Tempting T's tune and gave out with my best " EYE!!!!!!!!!! Ken Turn a Grey Sky Blue-ooooooo/I jKen Make it Rain Wheneva Eye Wannit Too!!!!!!!'  

The buzz.  It was now about 8:15 and my diminuitive darling was jonesing for substantial food. The finger food would not do.  I begged patience. Buzzzzzzzzz.

"I gotta check the phone messages"  You may, said my darling.  I moved out of sight.
Message One - Basso Voce" Dad -Its Conor. Your phone's off."
Message Two -Basso Voce" Dad, I'm calling Clare . . .I'll be home tomorrow after the Northwestern game."
Message Three Alto "Dad, Conor Called said he'd call you at midnight. We got off at 7- the twins are dropping me at home to change."
Message Four Soprano- "Dad, there's water all over the kitchen- the ice maker keeps pouring water.  I called conor and he's not answer. Dad, Call!!!!!!"
Message Five Mezzo Soprano- Dad!!!!!!!!!!  Really, there random water and mess I used all the towels!!!!!!!!!
I returned to the hallway and learned that dinner would be served soon - 600+ people guest placement and my nitch in the social pecking order. . .we won't get salad until 9:15 ,Tops. Decision - we gotta go. "Sweetie, disaster at home."  

You must feed me, my good man.  Greek town - Pegasus - fast. It's closer to the Ike. Adams to Ogden - I got the coats and darling hat and we headed for the doors.  There I met a boon chum and blood kin - "We gotta go."  

Some people require no explanations or pleas  Kopped, " I'll tell them you pissed yourself."

" That should do, but it is a bit early."

" Nonsense!  I've seen you up to that task many's the time and sundry ! Happy New Year"

" Et Cum Spiritu Tuo, Back at You!"

Before getting in the car I called Clare and told her I was on  my way.  " Can I go to the party?"
Of course.

With dispatch and steady hands, I returned the lovely woman to her home hours before she expected to, but I made sure that she received a fine feed issued with great dispatch at Pegasus.

I got back to my house at about 10 PM. water was cascading from the freezer.  Every towel in the house was soaked. Mother McAuley, a great college prep high school, does not instruct girls in the efficasies of water management, nor the tell-tale track for copper tubing.  I turned off the water flow to refrigerator emptied the overflowing, but until now superflous pan and took off my black two-button Armani suit for my long New Year's labors.

God provides, no matter the problem.

My children purchased a 6 gallon Craftsman wet & Dry Vac for Old Dad last Father's Day.  It was still in the box.  My Shop Vac has been and shall remain configured for dry tasks.  

Once attired for the Augean tasks that would eclipse the coming of 2012, I set about it!

All towels removed to laundry - extra liquid per load.  Assemble the Craftsman!  My God this gift is Hickey Friendly!!!!!!!!!!!! The filter is the cat's nuts. I sucked water until 1:45 PM.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - Yallo.

Basso Voce - " Dad, Happy New Year.  Howza wedding?"

The Mass was great.

Basso Voce -" Later."

Text alarm -HPPYNY LOV YA!!!!!!!!!!!!!NORA


Alto Voce - "You Ok?  Happy New Years!"


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