Monday, July 16, 2012

Thundering Dick Simpson Demands More . . . of The Same Only More!

Dick Simpson illustration

Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan is on the phone.
“Hi, Lisa. How are you?” asks Dick Simpson, head of the UIC Department of Political Science, as he sits in his book-lined office in the Behavioral Sciences Building. UICC - Street Cred of Thundering Dick Simpson

The Progressive way  to rid a home of raccoons, horse flies, tics, bed bugs, Norway rats and the odd timber wolf would be to tap a few reporters armed with studies from UICC, demand time on WTTW, make tour of the Dane Placko, Mike Flannery gas-and-nod shows, demand a tax-payer funded home inspector and a blue ribbon panel consisting of Dr. Quentin Young, Deb Mell, Deb Shore, Lt. Gov. Sheila Simon ( 5-String Banjo), Boss Terry Cosgrove, Forrest " Ho Gauge Rail" Claypool, NU(a)TO Andy Thayer, Ralph Martire, Dawn Clark Netsch, Slim Coleman and of course the ubiquitous Chris Kennedy to confab and vigorously  note that the home owner should 

  • close doors
  • fix screens
  • toss food waste in plastic bags and place them in the black plastic gondolas provided by Waste Management or the Ward Office
  • Be Sure to Re-cycle cardboard, plastics and metal and place them in the Blue Re-cycle bins
  • Prepare to move once home ownership is lost, due to failure to meet the basic mortgage obligations
  • Apply for Affordable Housing
Yep, Thundering Dick Simpson is setting the table for Progressive Knit-Hat, Gender Ambiguous, Childless and generally disagreeable candidates to flourish in our suburbs. How about small towns too?  Think Custer Park, Diamond, Eileen, Reddick and Papineau Illinois Machine Politics and Mossback Graft -" Clel, I'll vote for you, if'n I get two jars a stink bait." Done and done.

With the full push of Chicago's media, Thundering Dick is getting full cooperation to the very same thing to suburban government as the City of Chicago and the mythical homeowner above with his latest UICC paper written by a bunch of kids at Cement City University and under the supervision of Thundering Dick, his own bad self.

Thundering Dick earned his Progressive spurs from Abner Mikva and went on to a long and inconsequential career as an office-holder - Alderman - before becoming a 40 Watt academic at Stanley ( Terrorist Bill Ayers' career laundering Rabbi)Ikennberry's Circle. Thundering Dick's Green Grass and Greed: Corruption in the Suburbs is a wow-read for folks who do not read very much.  Thundering Dick leads with his jowls on this one -

The obvious and potentially most effective method for dealing with corrupt officeholders
would be to elect new public officials dedicated to ethical behavior and governmental reform. Such candidates, if elected, can help change the culture of corruption in these suburbs. Voters should support candidates committed to fighting corruption.
Thundering Dick-King Maker

Well, I'll be dipped and rolled!!!!!!!  Ain't that a wonderment!!!!!!! Vote for new folks!  Well, that must mean a whole new line of folks trotted out by old Thundering Dick, his own bad self!

The Study is a Cliff's Notes of old news stories and attendant graphs about incidents of corruption in the suburbs - some going back to the 1970's when Thundering Dick brought the Democratic Machine under Old Man Daley to its knees . . . with laughter. That was then and this is now.

Back then, when everyone and everything still worked,  folks like Thundering Dick were laughed out of the room; these days, we elect the likes of Blago, Burris, Joe Moore, Sheila Simon, Pat Quinn, Mike Quigley, Jan Schakowsky, Toni Preckwikle and other ninnies and grifters.

I am sure that Thundering Dick has a rapt audience for his summary.  Folks just don't take the time to read, connect dots to dimwits, and are much too kind and polite to tell Progressives to go pound sand.  Some folks, anyway.


K T Cat said...

Your topics are obscure and your writing is splendid. I loved it!

pathickey said...

Brer Cat!

If you come to Chicago I will buy you the linked Cheeseburger and a beer the size of Headsy Murphy's noggin - he has a head on him like a Weber Kettle.