James "Whitey" Bulger was captured by the F.B.I. this week. Way to go, G-Persons! The fugitive gangster went on the lamb in the Land of Free three days after my daughter Clare was born. In that time, Whitey traveled more than the late Charles Kuralt, inspired a great movie with a boffo soundtrack, morphed from being a working class hero bandit to the most dangerous man alive and gave the FBI the miseries. Whitey outlasted Osama bin Laden on the trail and seems to have had a much better quality of life on the road than the Saudi cement heir.
At 81 years of age, Mr. Bulger surrendered to G-Persons without a struggle, much less unnecessary carnage. What now?
News poseurs in Chicago, like the consistently wrong Chuck Goudie of ABC 7 News, act like they were hot on Whitey's trail,
Chicago has a rich history of Irish gangsters from the time they faced off with Al Capone's Italian mob for control of the city's bootlegging business.And???? Bupkis, Chuckie! But why should that stop Goudie?
There was so much suspicion that Bulger was hiding in Chicago that the leaders of a historically Irish-run union were questioned.
The FBI Bulger task force descended twice on Chicago, Labor Day in 1999 and June of 2006, when agents questioned top officials of the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers Union about whether they were helping to hide Bulger, delivering subpoenas and seizing a handheld computer.
This ninny couldn't find an ugly girl at an IVI-IPO convention.
I think that Whitey Bulger's sunset years will feature another wonderful series on the History Channel, not unlike Larry the Cable Guy's America, Miley Cyrus' Dad Talkin HillBilly, Swamp Diversity, Pawn Shop Pros, or the Flea Market Cupcakes - the two gentlemen, as sweet as bear meat, who find DARLING collectibles around this great country of ours.
In this cash-strapped and privacy bankrupt culture of ours, Whitey Bulger's American Travel Tips will be more boffo than Donald Trump firing Charlie Sheen!
Whitey Bulgers Travel Tips:
Take a Friend: Travel requires companionship. If you can not enjoy the splendors of the Grand Canyon, the whimsy of Disneyland, or the breath-tacking beauty of the Kankakee River with one you love, why not rent travel DVD's and sit in the basement with Orville Reddenbacher?
Go where You Want to Go - Don't fall prey to Orbitz, or the Travel Gnome. Make your own plans,
Plan Ahead -make sure that you have unmarked, untraceable cabbage salted away in better cities.
Be Public to Stay Private - Avoid the press, if you must; or, better yet, tell Chuck Goudie exactly where you are.