Monday, September 19, 2011

'No Gingers (Redheads) Need Apply, ' says Ole Schou

The world's largest 'baby batter' bank - Cryos has told Redheaded Males to hang on to their swimmers. Science. You can't beat it. Nevertheless, the lads who spent a lifetime doing just that worship at its temple.

A gorgeous Redhead, Mary Cleary, married me and gave birth to my redheaded daughter. My family is loaded with redheads. As noted by philosopher and roofer Eddie Carroll, "Gentlemen may prefer blondes, but it takes a real man to handle a redhead."

While I agree in spirit with Mr.Carroll, allow me to add my own empirical observation - No Man Handles a Redhead - no force on earth, my dear chap.

Redheads inspire - worship, fear and lust. Adam ( from the Hebrew for red or ruddy), Eric the Red, Rita Hayworth. Of course Judas Iscariot - or Carrot-top as the other eleven called him - comes in for universal derision.

One of the great Science worshippers of all time Adolph Hitler ( Vegan, PETA member, No Boozing crank and Non-smoker - the model Progressive) considered a ban on marriages for Redheads.

Now, the carbon footprint Gestapo scientists offer this Gingerphobia:

"There are too many redheads in relation to demand," Ole Schou, the director of Cryos, told the Danish newspaper, Ekstrabladet, according to London's Telegraph.

Men with scarlett manes sell "like hot cakes" in Ireland, Schou said, but that's about it.

"I do not think you choose a redhead, unless the partner - for example, the sterile male - has red hair, or because the lone woman has a preference for redheads," he said, the Telegraph reported. "And that's perhaps not so many, especially in the latter case."

Men with brown hair and brown eyes are very popular, Schou noted.

Hey, Ole, you been playing with yourself way too long there, Son. Get out in the fresh air and step away from the two dimensional babes for a while; shoot you'll go bind!

Ole, - I have gray hair with a touch of brown and brown eyes and have been and remain wildly more unpopular than redheads entirely. Random samplings by the handful! Science, my boy, science!

I think God knew what He was doing when He tossed a little Ginger into the mixture:

Redheads A-X

•Red Adair
•Steve Allen & Woody Allen
•Lauren Ambrose
•Tori Amos
•Gillian Anderson
•Boris Becker
•Sarah Bernhardt
•William Blake
•Anne Boleyn
•Napoleon Bonaparte
•Lizzie Borden
•David Bowie
•Carol Burnett
•Lord Byron
•Frankie Burke
•David Caruso
•Winston Churchill
•Patricia Clarkson
•Christopher Columbus
•Oliver Cromwell
•James Cagney
•Bj�rn Daehlie
•King David
•Bette Davis
•Elizabeth I of England
•Erik the Red
•Chris Evans
•Eric XIV of Sweden
•Sarah Ferguson, Duchess Of York
•Svetlana Feofanova
•Lynette 'Squeaky' Fromme
•Angie Everhart
•Melissa Gilbert
•Harold 'Red' Grange
•Vincent van Gogh
•Rupert Grint
•Seth Green
•Geri Halliwell
•Alyson Hannigan
•Prince Harry of Wales
•Rita Hayworth
•Henry II of England
•Henry VIII of England
•Katharine Hepburn
•Raelee Hill
•L. Ron Hubbard
•Andrew Jackson
•Thomas Jefferson
•Neil Jenkins
•James Joyce
•Red Kelly
•Charles Kennedy
•Nicole Kidman
•Neil Kinnock
•Stan Laurel
•Rod Laver
•D.H. Lawrence
•Damien Lewis
•Sinclair Lewis
•Lindsay Lohan
•Tina Louise
•Anni-Frid Lyngstad
•Shirley Manson
•Marie Antoinette
•Mary Queen of Scots
•Henri Matisse
•Gates McFadden
•Mark McGwire
•Loreena McKennitt
•Sarah McLachlan
•Bette Midler
•Judge Marilyn Milian from The People's Court
•Julianne Moore
•Van Morrison
•Kate Mulgrew
•Jack Nicklaus
•Conan O'Brien
•Ignace Paderewski
•Patsy Palmer
•Bernadette Peters
•Patricia Phoenix
•Scarlett Pomers
•Ezra Pound
•Stephanie Powers
•Laura Prepon
•Ramses II
•Axelle Red
•Molly Ringwald
•Richard I of England
•Julia Roberts
•Anne Robinson
•Ginger Rogers
•Miriam Rothschild
•J. K. Rowling
•Rob Roy
•George Sanders
•Jean-Paul Sartre
•Paul Scholes
•Daniel Sedin
•Henrik Sedin
•William Shakespeare
•Blaze Starr
•Rusty Staub
•Eric Stoltz
•Mark Twain
•Jan Ullrich
•Martin Van Buren
•Gustav Vasa
•Bill Walton
•George Washington
•Evelyn Waugh
•Mark Weber
•Esther Williams
•Alicia Witt
•Malcolm X


Candycan said...

who's the picture of? i had red hair that turned itself brown. devastated!

Ross said...

Anne Boleyn was not a redhead. Her hair was black.

pathickey said...

I believe that she was a redhead -