Trapped by Happiness? Have a Cold One in a Very Cold Place

The Coldest Beer in Chicago - tap your own. 

Mellow out. Enjoy the benefits of Christianity without the pain, as Mustapha Mond encouraged the mellow folks of Huxley's Brave New World. 

Have a cold one.

I like beer as much as the next twenty or thirty guys, but where I like it best is in a chilled glass and a warm place.

Long a draft beer man, I have quaffed, sipped, guzzled and turk'd pilsners, lagers, ales and stouts from every vessel but a beautiful woman's boot.  She wouldn't come across with the footwear, for some reason.



Beer from Boots, Dunkels, Dimpled Pints, Solo Cups, kegs,  bottles or cans is wonderful.  Unless it is a really bad beer. These would gag a maggot, but I was more than happy to pound them down once they were chilled to a frosty 42 degree,  Then, and only then, were they potable.

The after effects were crapulous - From the Late Latin word crāpulōsus, dating back to 1530-40. See crapulent, -ous: 1530s, "sick from too much drinking," from Latin crapula, from Greek kraipale "hangover, drunken headache, nausea from debauching." The Romans used it for drunkenness itself. English has used it in both senses. Related: Crapulously ; crapulousness.

That was unwise.  Where such drinks were consumed was determined as much by the initial selection of drink - , broke, underage and furtive.   The fewer nickels in the palm determined the caliber of the content consumed.  The younger the dumber and always sneaky.  We drank under the stars in alleys, burned out grocery stores on Ashland Avenue, in Dan Ryan Woods, at Rum Valley on 79th at the viaduct on 2200 West.

With legality, the settings improved and could chart our rise from impecunity to working class and eventually burgher middle class.  We drank where we were moist comfortable, biker bars, dives, slop-shutes, holes in the wall, lounges, discos, pubs, clubs and scenes. " A tavern chair is the throne of felicity," growled Dr.Samuel Johnson. Felicity and courtesy reign together,

To me a great place to have a beer, or any beverage, is in a friendly, unpretentious inviting, warm and welcoming licensed premise that attracts people from all walks of life.  Keegans Pub ( now Barney Callaghans) at 10618 S. Western hosted such a clientele.  I  noted in December, 2008:

The Great Mount Greenwood Southwest Observer a wonderful neighborhood website offers a recent poll of Local Pubs and Watering Holes.
County Armagh's and Now Chicago's Own Bernard Callahan's Keegan's Pub is ranked at the top of some very fine Saloons here in the 19th Ward.
Keegan's Pub
10618 S Western
Chicago
773-233-6829
Keegan's Pub is headquarters to a group of wits, workers and wunderkinds that could body slam any Mensa Chapter west of Alexandria, Egypt in its best day and serves the most laboriously crafted 'pint of plain' - Guinness this side of foamy brine.
Get thee to Keegan's soak up some laughs, nuanced analysis of the day's events and the creamy goodness of that Old Black Magic brewed at St. James's Gate Dublin.

There was a jukebox available for customers, but commanded for level and intensity by the bar staff and  if Black Dog appeared to induced the same psychological effect upon an intoxicated patron teh volume was adjusted accordingly.  Dark wood and black leather furnishings added to the Irish Pub look and feel, as well as walls decorated with Padrig Pearse's Poblacht na héireann proclamation, photos of writers, rebels and neighborhood reprobates.  Conversation was key.

Most great watering holes, saloons, taverns, Cervecarias and Piwiarnias are poor man's clubs. Richard M.  Daley killed off most of Chicago's great clubs of this kind in favor of hipster haunts and scenes with music at Wagnerian levels of discomfort and banning chat entirely. You can't talk you drink more. More Revenue.  Move-on!

Today in DNAinfo Chicago I read about the coldest place to quaff a beer.

LOGAN SQUARE — The latest bar to join the neighborhood has serious do-it-yourself vibes.
Logan Square's first "pour your own beer" taproom, on the ground floor of the "L" luxury apartment building at 2211 N. Milwaukee Ave., debuts to the public Saturday. . . .The way it works is customers will be given a card when they walk in, which they will enter into a slot above their chosen beer or wine tap. The bar is offering a rotating selection of roughly 40 beers and 10 wines on tap along the back wall, decorated with city grid maps. 

Using Pour My Beer technology, iPads will measure the ounces and tabulate the cost of each beer, eliminating the need for traditional bartenders or servers. Staffers will be stationed near the wall to assist and give suggestions.

For folks who don't want to go the do-it-yourself route, the taproom also a small traditional bar tucked in the corner, where customers can order beer and cocktails made with locally-made spirits from bartenders.

The beer selection will rotate as the seasons change. Right now, summery beers like Empirical Brewery's Up Cork Passion Fruit Pale Ale and 21st Amendment's Hell or High Water Watermelon Wheat Beer are the focus.

"Our goal is to put as many different beer brands through these taps as possible," said Enarson, who added that lineups will be posted on the taproom's Facebook and Twitter pages in advance.

This will be a hit.  Beer that tastes like grapefruit, apples, watermelon and passion fruit has its fans, "I’m getting huge onion and garlic nectar, coffee ground  for sure, sage, and a trace-hint of  fecal too. Also exotic hops."

I was getting, " This is a nice beer."

 The IPA drinkers who scorn un-hoppiness and embrace global happiness will market-drive this venture.

Maps of City Grids bespeak the death of neighborhood and soul-less spirituality that is the culture in the driver's seat.  Rahms city grid for garbage collection was nail in Ward autonomy's coffin.

Here soma-like IPA's with alcohol contents exceeding  ABV 8% tapped from cold-steel panels will be self-yanked, avoiding a chat with the barkeep.

This will be a hit with our gotta have it now demographs and avoid the frustrations of having to wait one's turn, until Master Tap-tun arrives to serve the center of the universe.

As I said, this Logan Square venture will be a sure fire hit.  That is sad to me. Cold beer in a warm place seems preferable.

When yanking your own beer pull, you will not need to leave your comfort zone,  "I get overripe Velvetta, cheesiness, Parm, and tangy on the palate. It’s a little bit of Slim Jim."

Tales of the South Side: Scorcher O'Malley's Final Exam

Scorcher O'Malley was leaving Keegan's Pub when he was run over by a bus. 


The late Scorcher was enrolled in, but never attended Brother Rice, Leo, Mount Carmel Catholic High Schools and received his high school diploma from Calumet Public High School in 1971.  Scorcher was so named because he burned every bridge constructed during  his life.


Scorcher owed everyone, but no one ever expected re-payment for loans granted.  Scorcher lived life fully to his own talents and inclinations, which happened to be the laws of physics and the mechanics involved in draining a beer glass.


Upon gulping his penultimate pint prior to Paradise purchased by patrons of the pub, Scorcher stepped out onto the public pavement and again into the bustling thoroughfare that is Western Avenue at 10618 south.


Scorcher saw the approach of two bright beams belonging to the Chicago Transit Authority and then a great welcoming light luring Scorcher to a Tall Fisherman with a fabulous set of keys.


Scorcher was at the gates of heaven and St. Peter informed  him that he may not enter the Pearl-Perfect Gates  unless he passed a test.  Never having taken one in his entire time on Terra Firma. Scorcher cast a quizzical mug attached to a cocked noggin. 


What choice did he have, O'Malley agreed to give one a whirl. 
.
St. Peter decided to go easy on him, 'What has 5 fingers and is made of black leather?' he asks. 


O'Malley scratches his head, thinks hard and finally gives up." Hell,. . . I dunno."


 'It's a glove says St. Peter.'

'Glove, yeah.'

The Rock-like patience of the Fisher of Men coaxed out a smiled, 'Let's try again.  What has 10 fingers and is made of black leather?' asks St. Peter.


 O'Malley's jaw dropped. After a few minutes of pacing in a circle and scratching his head, the Scorcher  gives up.


 'Why it's 2 gloves - don't you see 10 fingers, black leather, . . .?'  says St. Peter amazed.

Being in a generous mood and recalling his own walk on the water, St. Peter deigned to give O'Malley yet another chance but thinking of an even easier question. 'Who is the patron Saint of Ireland?' asks St. Peter, thinking he can't miss this. After all, Three had been the salvific charm in Peter's own bout in the Garden. 

'Hey, I gotcha now! It wouldn't be 3-gloves, would it?' says O'Malley.


'Yeah, St. Three-Gloves . . . get your ass in!'

Moral Certainties at Keegan's Pub 11/26/2011

Retinopathy means "sick retina" and it is among the most terrifying of diabetic complications. What happens in retinopathy is that, with continual exposure to high blood sugars, tiny blood vessels start to grow in a disordered and out of control fashion in the retina--the part of the eye where nerves transmit light images to the brain.

After years of drinking and consuming every sugary substance on the cart, Red Edison went blind from diabetes. Red had been a steam-fitter with Cook County and worked at the Audy Home, until his retirement.

Red was a regular at Keegan's Pub -Club K- on south Western Ave. until last year when he went blind from the diabetes. In the mean time Red had undergone therapy and partnered with a beautiful German Shepherd guide dog - Fritz.

On Sunday, just befor ethe kick-off of Caleb's first NFL start as Bears QB, Red and Fritz wanderered into Keegan's where four big lads from Northern Ireland quietly quaffed pints of Magner's Cider and various foreign and domestic lagers. The bartender, a man from Belfast recently laid off as a carpenter, helped the blind gent to a stool near the door.

" Hi, Bernard!" shouted the tall red-headed sixty-eight year old pensioner who was disapponted to learn that not only was Bernard not on duty, but that his boon chums of days gone by had removed themselves not only from Club K but terra firma.

A powerful County Down voice answered the blind man, "S'all Leds fra' AnTRUM, ARM-ah en FurMAhna en Her." (trans. There are a quartet if young men from Counties Antrim, Armagh and Fermanagh Northern Ireland in this establishment).

"Can you say that in English?"

"Ull Nar-thurn Eye-Rush Leds. (trans. Gentlemen all from Six Counties under the Rule of Perfidious Albion)"

" Wanna hear a great joke about you Donkeys from Far Down?"

The cordial atmosphere thickened into a slushy and chilly silence. The bartender admonished, Red.

" LessUn,Mayt. Um Sex Fute Fife. Kee-Run's Sex Tree, Tummy's uh Beg Led unna Way't Lufter, Dermut's Uh ExtreeUM' Kuck Buxer, and Deck-Lun's wunted fer hes beyun wid th' 'RA." ( Be careful, my friend. I am 6'5" tall, Cian is 6" 3", Tommy lifts weights, Dermot is an Extreme Kick-Boxer and Declan is a rebel on the run.)
Yuh, Stuhl Wanna, Tull Yer Jok', Fulla?"

" Not if I have to explain the damn thing five times. An Orange juice with a straw, my Good man! Don't pet the dog , Kid; he'll piss all over your leg."

The Bears lost to Oakland, because Caleb failed to spike the ball within the parameters of time and good sense.

Tales of the South Side - The Truth Will Always Out; Loud Mouthed Nosey Bastard!

Mossy Enright had been drinking at Keegan's Pub from bell to bell. Dark-haired Bridget finally said that the bar is closing, "Mossy, come up for air. Time to call it a day.' So the sixty-three Vietnam Vet stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. Mossy tried to stand one more time; same result. Bridget the bartender pleaded, "Mossy let me take you home, or call you a cab."

"Tut, BurrRidge-it. I make . . . my own way, Charlie never called me a cab in Quang Tri. Thanks Hunny.Showa Vet some Respect, Kiddo."

Mossy figured he'd crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. Short trip home - no sweat. Mount Carmel football was tougher than this.

Mossy(which is Irish for Maurice) Enright had been in tougher situations and so the much decorated grunt decided to crawl the four blocks home. When he arrived at the door. he stood up and fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed. he tried one more time to stand up. This time Mossy managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the bed and went sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. The REM cycle blew a flat.

Mossy was awakened the next morning to his high school sweet-heart Annie, the Flower of Longwood Academy 1967 who married Mossy before he went to 'Nam and welcomed him home and helped him adjust, finish at De Paul with an accounting degree, father kids, work up the ladder of the biggest firm in Chicago and live for decades in West Beverly's St. John Fisher Parish and retire comfortably. Annie was standing over him, shouting, "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"

"Jesus, Annie, I ain't deaf."


Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said, "What makes you say that?"

"Bernard just called from Keegans; you left your wheelchair there again!"

In This Summer Swelter, Consider the Cognomen Carmen at Keegan's Pub

Chicagoland and most of the continental United States is under a dome of heat and humidity, not experienced since 1999.

"It's a two-footer," my Old Pappy used to say, because on nights like these urban Chicagoans of yore would often post their feet on the window-sills and catch a cooling gangway breeze. The more fortunate south siders along Garfield Boulvard might pack up all the kids and sleep in the grass for miles along the tree shaded parkway - folks from Visitation and St. Basil's parishes between Wentworth to Western Avenues.

Did I mention that it is a trifle warm? Early this AM, as I wandered in search of a 20 oz. coffee, I passed several Georgians, bungalows and raised ranches with lawns sporting a sign for Carroll Roofing. Eddie Carroll is Carroll Roofing and a finer man never hitched up his strides in the pride of knowing that he remains not only a craftsman of Old World quality, but a roué of Old World manners and sensibilities to charm the affections of women - 16 to 60, blind, crippled or crazy. That last is much, too much a heavily layered jape. Suffice it say, Eddie Carroll is the Morgan Park Maurice Chevalier. Thank Heaven for little, mid-sized and Botticellian proportioned Girls!


Recently while quaffing a pint of iced soda water and lime with my pugish nose tucked into the leafs of Rilke's prose collection Die Aufzeichnungen des Malte Laurids Brigge, my peripheral gaze caught the sight of the affable contractor, Eddie Carroll himself, saunter through the black doors of Keegan's Pub ( 10618 S. Western Ave.)and amiably call for a round on him. Another soda water for me and some pink concoction for the young woman sitting on the North ( Protestant) side of the bar beneath the poster of Irish balladeer Christy Moore. She was the sunny side of forty and fetching in a summer weight frock with Auburn tresses that adorned the thick athletic whiteness of breasts that betoken the bounty that is woman.

Eddie Carroll immediately noticed this young lady at the bar on her own. After requisite cooling swallows of malted grain beverage, he decided to offer her another drink and make the afternoon light with small talk and the broad promise of mutual affection.

"What's your name?" Eddie aked after opening gallantries regarding her habiliments and the tautness of her frame.

"Carmen Needham," she replied.

"That's a lovely and operatic name," he said. "Did your mother or father name you for Georges Bizet's tragic gypsy who scornfully tosses the ring Jose gave her only to take his blade -Cette bague, autrefois? I absolutely live for dance and the Dionyisian spark of music! Did mother and Dada so name you?"

"Neither parent was responsible," she said. "I changed my name when I was 18 from Sharon to Carmen."

"Odd that -As Sharon betokens the the fertile plain of Israel, why did you do that? " he asked.

"Well," she explained, "I like men and I like cars, so that is how I got my name. What's your name?"

"Mr. Beertits Quickly," the affable contractor replied.

I thanked Eddie for the bonus cocktail and returned to Rilke.

Is it warm. or is it me?

*

Carroll Roofing & Construction
Carroll Roofing & Construction
stars Be the first to review
10912 S Western Ave
Chicago, IL 60643

(773) 445-5756

South Side Pub Crawl Benefits -Infant Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy: Do It for Danny

Danny Stanton
My neighbors are the best. Any time an illness or death hits a family, the neighbors festoon the businesses, churches and schools with posters citing an event to bring people together and give that family financial, bit more importantly, spiritual comfort and support.

That south side spirit infected Chicago when Natalie McShane was savagely beaten and bludgeoned into a coma - 19th Ward neighbor and former Cook County Sheriff Mike Sheahan his brother Skinny put out the call and Local 399 International Operating Engineers offered its Hall and Apprenticeship School. It was magnificent.

Now, some neighbors are getting together raise funds for the Stanton's who lost their precious Danny to Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy. I have a friend in Kankakee who nearly lost his daughter to the same affliction twenty years ago. This is a heartbreaking and soul shattering experience. There is nothing to match the anguish of losing a child.

The Southtown Star which is owned by south sider and veteran benefit goer Jim Tyree offers this wonderful story and opportunity to help out some very nice people.

On Oct. 9, the Western Walk pub crawl will benefit the Danny Did Foundation. The pub crawl features stops at four bars in Chicago's Beverly community. The schedule is:

• Noon to 1:30 p.m. McNally's, 11136 S. Western Ave.

• 1:30 to 3:30 p.m. Dinger's Sports Bar, 10638 S. Western Ave.

• 3:30 to 6:30 p.m. Keegan's Pub, 10618 S. Western Ave.

• 6:30 to 10 p.m. Cork & Kerry, 10614 S. Western Ave.

Registration is not required for the free event. Raffles will be held throughout the day, including a $5 raffle to win autographed Notre Dam memorabilia.

For information, call Erin Quinn at (630) 220-8236 or visit www.dannydid.org. Monetary donations may be sent to Quinn at 14545 Raneys Lane, Orland Park, IL 60462.

IF YOU GO ...

What: Western Walk Pub Crawl to benefit the Danny Did Foundation

When: Noon to 10 p.m. Oct. 9

Where: McNally's, 11136 S. Western Ave.; Dinger's Sports Bar, 10638 S. Western Ave., Keegan's, Pub, 10618 S. Western Ave.; Cork and Kerry, 10614 S. Western Ave.

Information: Call Erin Quinn at (630) 220-8236 or visit www.dannydid.org

Click my post title for the full and heartbreaking story of the Stanton's loss and their courageous fight to make sense of tragedy.

Fry Me a Guinness! "A Pint of Plain" Ravioli?

Someone once said,"I would eat my foot if it were wrapped in bacon." It might have been Smash McKenna, or Benjamin Disraeli, I can't really remember, but the delicate notion of such a gustatorial treat is poetically interesting.

Yet, I can not imagine Pintsman Extraordinaire Bernard Callahan proprietor of Keegan's Pub installing a deep fryer next to the Guinness Pumps -

'Hey, Bernard, sink a couple of pints in the lard for me and the boys . . . Get everyone from the street to the sh#thouse!'

' You Daft Wanker of Limited Awareness! Perhaps you'd like a tight Knuckle Roll to start off! Bugger off out of here!'

Nevertheless, a Texas chef has gone over the goal line stance of culinary creativity and managed to deer fry -Beer.

Witness, My Brothers!

Inventor Mark Zable said it had taken him three years to come up with the cooking method and a patent for the process is pending. He declined to say whether any special ingredients were involved.

His deep-fried beer will be officially unveiled in a fried food competition at the Texas state fair later this month.

Five ravioli-like pieces will sell for $5 (£3) and the Texas Alcoholic Commission has already ruled that people must be aged over 21 to try it.

Mr Zable has so far been deep frying Guinness but said he may switch to a pale ale in future. ( emphasis my own)

He said: "Nobody has been able to fry a liquid before. It tastes like you took a bite of hot pretzel dough and then took a drink of beer." Mr Zable previously invented dishes including chocolate-covered strawberry waffle balls and jalapeño corndog shrimps.

Last year's winner of the Texas state fair fried food competition was a recipe for deep-fried butter.

What do you wash it down with? Calamari Martini?

Well Dog My Cats! I been to eight county fairs and twelve hog-call contests, but I ain't never heard of no Deep Fried Beer!

This will . . .what's the word? Thunderbird! What's the Price? Forty Twice!

Next up, Poached Beef Jerky Ragout!

NPR (National Public Relations) Shills for Abortion's Lady KaGa - The Kagan Whitewash on National Public Radio

I learned that Elena Kagan was an agent for Planned Parenthood's Partial Birth Abortion Initiative for many, many, many years. I popped into Keegan's Pub for a cool refreshing Soda Water and lime and heard Smash McKenna remark on the Elena Kagan hearings - 'You'd think that Lady KaGa was George Carlin listening to these mopes on MSNBC and NPR.' Lady KaGA? 'Yeah, Hick, This Kagan twist who likes to send babies to Heaven before they breath air,' Oh, that Lady KaGa!

After cooling the pipes, I headed to gas-up at BP on 103rd and I turned on tax-payer funded NPR the Pravda of Progressives. It was The Elena Kagan -Lady KaGA - Love fest!

NPR Learned that Elena Kagan -Abortion's Lady KaGa* - is really funny, likes Chinese food, and quiet walks with chickens like Arlen Specter.

NPR's hand picked cheer leading squad joined Neal Conan in Lady KaGa gushing-

David Savage, Supreme Court correspondent, Los Angeles Times and Chicago Tribune
Gloria Browne-Marshall, associate professor, City University of New York
John McGinnis, professor, Northwestern University

Voila!

CONAN: This is TALK OF THE NATION. I'm Neal Conan in Washington. An NPR News special: excerpts from the confirmation hearing of President Obama's pick to join the Supreme Court. Republicans and Democrats alike acknowledge that Solicitor General Kagan is likely to be confirmed for the court. Senators expect to wrap up their questions for the nominee late today, before moving on to other panels of witnesses.

As we've heard, Solicitor General Kagan has been careful to avoid revealing many of her views on specific issues. Republican Jeff Sessions, among others, complain that Kagan's careful answers make it difficult to determine what kind of judge she may be. More of her words in a moment.

David Savage is with us. He covers the Supreme Court for the Los Angeles Times and the Chicago Tribune. One the issues that has come up is executive power and when the witnesses have the right to be told of their Miranda rights in the context of terrorism investigations. There was an exchange with Senator Lindsey Graham, the Republican from South Carolina, when he asked the nominee about Christmas Day. She assumed that he meant the investigation of the alleged Christmas Day bomber. That wasn't quite where he was going.

Senator LINDSEY GRAHAM (Republican, South Carolina): I just asked you where you were at on Christmas.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. KAGAN: You know, like all Jews, I was probably at a Chinese restaurant.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Sen. GRAHAM: Great answer.

CONAN: The lighter moments of the hearing, and David Savage, I guess a nominee has to be very careful, but in two very long days of answering questions, you can't help for your personality to come out.

Mr. SAVAGE: Yeah. Elena Kagan has a very sharp sense of humor. (Unintelligible) sometimes - it is careful, being in the Supreme Court, not to make too many jokes and put the justices on the spot. But she's very quick with the comebacks.

CONAN: Getting back to some of the more serious issues, Senator Jeff Sessions pressed Kagan again on another topic, this about, well, her approach. He was trying to get her a definition of whether she would be in accord with his idea of what an Obama nominee would be.

Ms. KAGAN: Senator Sessions, it's absolutely the case that I have served in two Democratic administrations, and I think...

Sen. SESSIONS: No, but I'm asking, do you agree with the characterization that you are a legal progressive?

Ms. KAGAN: Senator Sessions, I honestly don't know what that label means. I've worked in two Democratic administrations. Senator Graham suggested yesterday, and I think he's right, that you can tell something about me and my political views from that. But as I suggested to you, that my political views are one thing and...

Like all Americans I plan to celebrate 4th of July with a big plate full of spicy Moo Shu Pork from Jiang's Chinese Kitchen on 111th & Talman. Our next Supreme Court Justice has no problem with Partial Birth Abortions.

NPR gets my tax dollars and still manages to insult me and most other Americans 24/7.


* One guy says no to Lady KaGA

Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) announced Friday he “cannot support” Elena Kagan’s nomination to the Supreme Court because of her political views.

Hatch, a member of the Judiciary Committee, accused Kagan of endorsing an “activist judicial philosophy” and said he was “surprised when she encouraged us at the hearing simply to discard or ignore certain parts of her record.” He cited her position in the Clinton administration on partial-birth abortions and her role at Harvard Law School, where he said Kagan “blocked the access by military recruiters.”

“The law must control the judge; the judge must not control the law,” Hatch said in a statement. “I have concluded that, based on evidence rather than blind faith, General Kagan regrettably does not meet this standard.”

Hatch said Kagan’s two years of experience in “private legal practice” was not enough to make up for no experience as a judge; he said Supreme Court justices with no judicial experiences had an average of 21 years in private practice. “The fact that her experience is instead academic and political only magnifies my emphasis on judicial philosophy as the most important qualification for judicial service,” Hatch said.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell and Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska) also announced they would oppose Kagan's nomination.

Good on you, Bub!

It Takes A Man to Tend Bar; It Takes A Woman to Tend Men . . .Bar is superfluous

I tended bar for years . . .



. . .for years I tended bar.

Keegan's Pub
10618 S Western Ave
Chicago, IL 60643
Neighborhood: Beverly
(773) 233-6829

Pump Room Alternative Scouting Report - Part 1

Lonnie Walker's Underground Wonder Bar is great spot!





Bar Bernard in the Elsian Hotel is opulent.


I have a bad feeling that Ian Schrager's plans* for the venerable Pump Room in the Ambassador East Hotel include peeling off the Walnut and other warm woods and replace the atmosphere with glass and stainless steel. The guy who developed Studio 54 is going to maintain the grace dignity of the Pump Room? Please.

Warmth and Welcome is what it is all about.

On the Northside, Warmth and Welcome have always gone together. The master bar owner Nick Novich has made a legendary career of welcome stamped by his trademark Pineapple logo.

Bernard Callaghan's South Side fireplace woody warmth and Irish Pub coziness makes Keegan's Pub in my Morgan Park neighborhood a home base for hilarious and Bowie-knife wit from the wage-maker wags and public service professionals who wet down the week with Guinness and Smithwick's Ale.

However for the last two and half years, I have enjoyed the traditional grace and elegance of the Pump Room. No visit to that stately and lively gin-mill can be experienced without my morphing from a rumpled chino and crew-neck sweater English teacher into a worsted wool suited and starched white shirt and snappy cravat accessorised swell who knows how to mind his Pees and Cues.

From the doormen who recognize each and every regular, to the lovely, gracious and attentive greeters at the top of the Stairway to Heaven and right on up to the welocoming brass rail of the horseshoe bar where Angel, James and Tony practice the alchemy of liquid refreshments, the Pump Room is a Night Spa of a Vacation. Ian Schrager looms.

In the event that my worst fears will be realised, my beautiful and elegant best friend and I have begun a scouting report for the concerned Pump Room regulars - Max, Jesse, Beth, Maynard, Charlie, Steve, Diane, Carol, Yancy, Bob, Clay, Bozo, Joe, and so many more great folks. Cabaret Singer Nan Mason and her great band have been given notice. Nan follows in the wake of the loss of the Brilliant Andrew Distel in brake-job on the Pump Room.

Last night, my Angelic Beauty and I stopped by for Lime Rickies and witty patter with the Pump Room crew and then walked off in search of a venue that might absorb some of the shock of the Pump Room's fade into history.

Our first stop was Bernard's on the 2nd floor of the Elysian Hotel where the very attentive Food and Beverage Manager Brian O'Connor pointed out the beauty and overwhelming sights of the Bernard Bar.

Overwhelming is the word. This place and the people in there are beautiful. A mutt like me sticks out like spats on pig in the well-lighted majesty of the Elysian Hotel. My exquisite Lady Love - a diminutive Dresden Doll who bears no small resemblance to screen Goddess Jennifer Jones - decided that the opulence and upscale nature of the Elysian might overwhelm more than welcome and we headed to the elevators.

Right across the street was a saloon gem that I had not visited for almost twenty years.

Lonnie Walker's Underground Wonder Bar! Begging like a St. Cajetan second grader at the sight of Fat Tommy's Hot Dogs in Kennedy Park during baseball season, I convinced my smartly turned out arm-candy that a trip underground was essential - Baby it's cold outside.

The last time I enjoyed the Wonder Bar was in the company of my late wife Mary ( that girl could work a beer glass!) and the three Mulligan Brothers in the late 1980's. It is as an Old School Saloon and as fun now, as it was then. The young bartender is singer Lonnie Walker's son and a percussionist. My Angelic Companion and this handsome dred-locked young gent talked jazz as the talented Heather Horton opened the music for the evening. Ms. Horton does covers of John Prine, Bonnie Raitt and other great artists, as well as her own compositions.

Guinness Stout, Bass Ale and 312 Pale Ale are the draft delights and the back bar was heavy with high end hooch - Maker's Mark, Grey Goose & etc. as well as a number of Single Malt Scotch and Irish Whiskies as well as a broad assortment of cognacs.

The atmosphere is inviting and the music eclectic. The only drawback to Wonder Bar is the tight and narrow space it affords. It might not accommodate the large number of Pump Room Refugees.

I gave the Underground a Half-Thumb Up as did my half-pint Angel. Tight quarters, folks. The place is great fun, but would not be sizeable enough for all of the Pump Room Refugees.

Side Note - I was ordered to keep her name out of such affectionate and Whipped Boy offerings by your humble servant. This Dude Abides.


The search will continue.

In the mean time whine, wheeled and cajole until your better half assents to a trip to Lonnie Walker's Underground Wonder Bar! click my post title for more.

Stay tuned, Boys and Girls. Next Stop - Coq d'Or in the Drake Hotel - It's Got Wood!

*
His keen instincts for the mood and feel of popular culture were honed during the 70’s and 80’s, when he and his late business partner, Steve Rubell, created Studio 54 and Palladium. Rubell and Schrager soon turned their attention to the hotel business opening Morgans Hotel in 1984, introducing the concept of the "boutique hotel" to the world.

Following this were the equally well received and highly successful Royalton Hotel and Paramount Hotel, in which Schrager again broke with industry convention by creating "lobby socializing", where the hotel lobby became a new kind of gathering place for guests and New York City residents alike, and "cheap chic", where affordable luxury was offered in a stylish and sophisticated environment. Schrager also received international recognition and acclaim for his one-of-a-kind "urban resorts"—the Delano Hotel in Miami and Mondrian Hotel in West Hollywood. This was followed by the Hudson Hotel in New York, where Schrager realized his "hotel as lifestyle", and continued to refine his concept of "cheap chic", as well as expanding to cities such as San Francisco with the Clift Hotel and London with St. Martins Lane Hotel and the Sanderson Hotel.

http://www.ianschragercompany.com/ian_schrager.html

"@#$% Me, Ye, Shower of Bastards!" A Blasphemy Bill - Ireland's PC Idiocy Attempts to Kill Language

My grandfather, a genuine Bogman from Crinna Hill, Castleisland in the Kingdom of Kerry, could blaspheme uninterrupted and without repeating himself employing a Gordian Knot of profanities, scatological, pornographic and epicly laced nouns, verbs, abverbs and adjectives that could shatter the teeth of a Dutchman.

Larry Hickey would walk Shep his mongrel mix of matted-haired fanged menace along the railroad tracks around 75th Place and Ashland, dragging the black/brown/yellow massive mutt with applications of broom handle for direction and darts ofvillainous language much more 'hurtful' as PC Cupcakes are wont to say. PETA would have loved Lawrence!

"Christ, Jeezus Almighty! Shtop, So! Godammit you rare 'Hoor of a frothy Bitch's welp! . . . & etc. only louder!" Much to the amusement and edification of urchins playing along the tracks at Marshfield.

Grandpa Hickey was a howling Modern Language Association Convention encorpified and a blazing tutorial on blasphemously charged imprecations and maledictions on two legs. I received a Four-letter Degree, along with my sixty-plus 1st cousins, well before the Sisters of Mercy taught me phonics and catechism.

Language is the sacrament of the Irish.

Now, due to PC-idiocy and membership in the European Union, Ireland is being coerced into dumb-down its once high-standards for licentious language:

A NEW crime of blasphemous libel is to be proposed by the Minister for Justice in an amendment to the Defamation Bill, which will be discussed by the Oireachtas committee on justice today.

At the moment there is no crime of blasphemy on the statute books, though it is prohibited by the Constitution.

Article 40 of the Constitution, guaranteeing freedom of speech, qualifies it by stating: “The State shall endeavour to ensure that organs of public opinion, such as the radio, the press, the cinema, while preserving their rightful liberty of expression, including criticism of Government policy, shall not be used to undermine public order or morality or the authority of the State.

“The publication or utterance of blasphemous, seditious, or indecent material is an offence which shall be punishable in accordance with law.”

Last year the Oireachtas Committee on the Constitution, under the chairmanship of Fianna Fáil TD Seán Ardagh, recommended amending this Article to remove all references to sedition and blasphemy, and redrafting the Article along the lines of article 10 of the European Convention on Human Rights, which deals with freedom of expression.

The prohibition on blasphemy dates back to English law aimed at protecting the established church, the Church of England, from attack. It has been used relatively recently to prosecute satirical publications in the UK.

In the only Irish case taken under this article, Corway -v- Independent Newspapers, in 1999, the Supreme Court concluded that it was impossible to say “of what the offence of blasphemy consists”.

It also stated that a special protection for Christianity was incompatible with the religious equality provisions of Article 44.

Minister for Justice Dermot Ahern proposes to insert a new section into the Defamation Bill, stating: “A person who publishes or utters blasphemous matter shall be guilty of an offence and shall be liable upon conviction on indictment to a fine not exceeding €100,000.”

“Blasphemous matter” is defined as matter “that is grossly abusive or insulting in relation to matters held sacred by any religion, thereby causing outrage among a substantial number of the adherents of that religion; and he or she intends, by the publication of the matter concerned, to cause such outrage.”

Where a person is convicted of an offence under this section, the court may issue a warrant authorising the Garda Síochána to enter, if necessary using reasonable force, a premises where the member of the force has reasonable grounds for believing there are copies of the blasphemous statements in order to seize them.

Labour spokesman on justice Pat Rabbitte is proposing an amendment to this section which would reduce the maximum fine to €1,000 and exclude from the definition of blasphemy any matter that had any literary, artistic, social or academic merit.

I am not an ordinary playwright in general practice. I am a specialist in immoral and heretical plays. My reputation has been gained by my persistent struggle to force the public to reconsider its morals.” George Bernard Shaw, 1909

“No nation can prosper or even continue to exist without heretics and advocates of shockingly immoral doctrines.” George Bernard Shaw, 1909

“The blasphemy laws are the legal protection of nonsense. Why is there not an equivalent of the blasphemy laws for science? The reason is that science can take any criticism leveled against it.” Nick Harding, 2007

“To criticise people for their race is manifestly irrational, but to criticise their religion is surely a right. The freedom to criticise or ridicule ideas – even if they are sincerely held beliefs – is a fundamental freedom.” Stephen King, Irish Examiner, 2009

“With one satiric touch Ahern has honoured the memory of Shaw, Yeats and Gregory and reminded us that blasphemy laws exist to protect, not religions, but bigots. For his next trick, he will mark the Darwin bicentenary by threatening to make creationism compulsory.” Fintan O’Toole, Irish Times, 2009

“I want everybody to realise what this Constitution states about authority… What we have here is clear at any rate - that authority is from God. That is fundamental Catholic doctrine, and it is here. It is true doctrine.” Eamon de Valera, 1937


So, I'm in Keegan's Pub on Western Ave.one night when the Salt Water Irish thicken up the south end of the bar and Eugenious Callahan makes a play for Aidan McKenna's sister - a Mickey Dodger with the Ursalines and after a few scoops of Guinness together she starts rubbin on Owenie a complete Guillermo, when McKenna admonishes -"You clatty pr*ck. I told you she had herpes. I'm pretty sure they're doing a line alright. There was f*ckin' gee juice and pubes all over the kitchen table this mornin'."
"
Eugenious protests "Jaysus, She's Nun! A Mickey Dodger! Feck Sake, your talking bollicks ,Man!"

McKenna opines,""Bit of advice, son. Don't ever tell a woman she's a stupid, fat cow with the personality of a f*cking toothpick and a face like a bag of spanners. I haven't got my oats off your mother in three f*cking weeks. The disagreeable b*tch."

Language! The Lubrication of Love, Liberty and Laughter!

http://www.irishslang.net/

U2 at Keegan's Pub in Beverly - Nah, Not Really.

Singer Bono and his U2 bandmates were spotted hanging out at the Violet Hour lounge in Wicker Park on Tuesday night before exiting through the kitchen -- after their syndicated radio interview at the Metro rock venue, where they hawked their new album and upcoming tour, whose first U.S. stop is Sept. 12 at Soldier Field.

From Sneed 3/12/2009

Singer Bono and his anonymous U2 bandmates were ignored at Keegan's Pub at 10618 S. Western Ave., Chicago in the Beverly neighborhood on the south side, where no one asked about their new album and upcoming tour, whose first U.S. stop is Sept, 12 at Soldier Field. from me, if you don't mind.


Bernard - Irish born owner of Keegan's and Guinnesss tapster. - 'Soft day, lads. What's the craic?'

Bono - 'Four pints, please.'

Retired CPD hero - 'More of your extended family crowding into our country illegally, Bern?'

Bernard - 'They're Jackeens, Billy. Drink your Miller and don't scare off the trades . . . (soto voce) he's harmless lads . . .now. Dublin men'

Bono - 'We are that . . .more world men nowadays.'

CPD hero - 'Outta work, too? I thought most of you Pig$hit Irish #$%^ed off back to Paddyland in this, our troubled economy. Must be some brick work left out in Will County.'

Bono - 'Jaysus, We're U2, Yank.'

CPD - 'Were I what?'

Bono - 'No We're . . .We are . . .U2.'

CPD - 'No, I are retired'

Bono - 'I'm Bono'

CPD - 'I'm thirsty.'

Bono - 'There's four Tellies in here Have you not seen us?

CPD- You on Jeopardy?

Bernard - 'Enjoy your pints, Lads. ( Fade to black,or green,or pink or whatever . . .)

Out of such events events weaves the rich full tapestry of life in Morgan Park.

I Always Get Tagged - Anne Leary Tagged Me!

I'm slower than a roomful of morbidly obese Earth Science majors at an Indiana Community College and Anne Leary tagged me - no sweat.

It's January in Chicago--how can we amuse ourselves?


Following the brilliant and impala-like Leary required my jumping over many yard fences here in Morgan Park and negotiating many over-turned blue -barrel re-cycling dumpsterettes. I lost her at Artesian and she seems to have darted north on Western Ave. so I stopped in at Keegan's Pub at 10618 S. Western to re-charge.

The rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you (done, above)
2. Post the rules on your blog (you're reading them now)
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself (see below)
4. Tag six random people with a link.


1. Non-important thing: I get up and write at 4AM. - novels, screenplays, essays, hack-pieces, indictments of declining civilizations and pornographic epics with a widowed, middle-aged, sunny-dispositioned poetic rascal in the driver's seat.

2. Quirk: I believe that people are a blast - Get to Kean Gas in the AM for coffee as proof of a wealth of diverse, alive, and profound insights and giggles from American Patriots - cops, firemen, ComEd linemen, burial vault cement finishers, teachers, nurses and the odd lay-about.

3. Quirk: I am a sucker for babies - if Carla Gugina flirted with me, I'd opt instead to play with the kid in the stroller and ask the pre-verbal child questions about The False Decretals and the hegemony of Lombard over the Papal States in the early renaissance - kids love it.

4. Non-important thing: I jingle the change in my pockets when nervous about the economy.

5. Habit: I never call a bartender Chief and always over-tip. No Dukie - No Go-Outey!

6. Quirk: I need to have my daughters look me over prior to dates with the supremely talented, diminutive, gorgeous and elegant young woman who deigns to be seen publicly with me.

The links:
http://chicagoray.blogspot.com/
http://secondcitycop.blogspot.com/
http://www.beachwoodreporter.com/
http://www.tomroeser.com/
http://wapellarocks.blogspot.com/
http://www.philly.com/dailynews/columnists/christine_flowers/

Mount Greenwood Southwest Observer Polls Keegan's Pub Over All Others with a Landslide 33%

The Great Mount Greenwood Southwest Observer a wonderful neighborhood website offers a recent poll of Local Pubs and Watering Holes.

County Armagh's and Now Chicago's Own Bernard Callahan's Keegan's Pub is ranked at the top of some very fine Saloons here in the 19th Ward.

Keegan's Pub
10618 S Western
Chicago
773-233-6829

Keegan's Pub is headquarters to a group of wits, workers and wunderkinds that could body slam any Mensa Chapter west of Alexandria, Egypt in its best day and serves the most laboriously crafted 'pint of plain' - Guinness this side of foamy brine.

Get thee to Keegan's soak up some laughs, nuanced analysis of the day's events and the creamy goodness of that Old Black Magic brewed at St. James's Gate Dublin.

Click my post title for one of the best neighborhood websites extant - Mount Greenwood Southwest Observer!

Here's the Poll Results*:

Green Mill? Never heard of it.
Castos - 0%
Cork and Kerry - 17%
Corrigans - 0%
Gilhooleys - 0%
Hinky Dinks - 17%
Keegans - 33%
Lanigans - 17%
The Mystic - 17%
Seans Rhino Bar - 0%
TRs Pub - 0%
Other (be nice to us)



Older polls
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* I suspect Polling Error - MSNBC might have had some dubious hand in this! Where is MacKell's in this data??????