Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Twenty-Seven Things I Know About the Jeff Sessions Testimony Today

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Attorney General Jeff Sessions will testify before the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence on Tuesday, June 13, at 2:30 pm. That;'s today. The hearing will be open to the public and livestreamed on the Senate Intelligence Committee’s website.

Sessions has come under serious scrutiny from senators, ink-slingers, street-artists, guys at $ 5 Buckets Tuesday, the really homely woman with a morbidly intrusive overbite on CNN, three guys named Mike, Two Guys Plumbing and terminally flatulent Republicans — especially Senator John McCain — over his failure to disclose meetings with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak during the confirmation process, not keeping a neat wallet, using the salad fork to eat his main course, over-tipping the counterman at Uncle J's BBQ and making fun of Fareed Zakaria's dead-eyes

Here are 27 Things you should know about today's historic hearings

  1. You can travel to Cuba legally
  2. Life is hard - only suckers beef
  3. The secret is in the sauce
  4. Three’s Company was one of the most popular American sitcoms of the late 1970s and early 1980s. Millions of Americans fell in love with the antics of Jack, Chrissy and Janet. I never saw an episode. FM
  5. A burger used to cost $ 0.18 and was never flame broiled - anywhere. 
  6. Jays potato chips was called JAPPS until 'December 7, 1941 -- a date which will live in infamy -- the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.'
  7. Mopetown was the last neighborhood in Chicago to get paved streets and sidewalks. 
  8. Effort is key, or not
  9. 'Goin' to a Go-Go' is Smokey Robinson's best song.
  10. Katy Syme is the redhead in H&M’s autumn campaign and is a part of the progressive movement that’s changing fashion. 
  11. Forrest Claypool has Seven (7) public pensions and he ain't near done.
  12. Spike Lee once sued SPIKE TV
  13. Spike Lee once sued the estates of Spike Jones, Spike Milligan and Spike O'Donnell
  14. Mr. Bean, he gone.
  15. Beets are God's way of warning us of the Final Judgment
  16. Cauliflower can not be masked by garlic, whipped recipes, or coated in chocolate - it would gag a maggot.
  17. My brother-in-law Larry was forced to watch Princess Diana swim in the private pool of the building he chief engineers, just after that fat guy asked her to dance.
  18. Portlanders invented naked biking, or at least claim they did.
  19. Portland sound like Idiot Ground Zero
  20. It is.
  21. Bohemian potatoes
  22. Fetty Wap appreciates both Beyonce and Rhianna . Quoth he, "they both make dope music."
  23.  Raúl Modesto Castro Ruz is a Cuban politician who has been President of the Council of State of Cuba and the President of the Council of Ministers of Cuba since 2008 and still plays with himself.
  24. National Infertility Awareness Week was April 23-29 in case you missed it.  I know I did. 
  25. Gary Oldman has absolutely no idea of who I am.
  26. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
  27. The only Sessions I will  listen to is Chet Baker and Bill Evans
That about wraps things up for this session, Feather-Merchants.  Say your prayers, drink plenty of whole milk, do your calisthenics and never wear tighty whities. Ding Hao*! 

*"The name of the fellow in big game outfit was Charles Homer Bill (Chuck Bill) whose greeting each show was "Ding-hoy Feather Merchants." The name of the show escapes me, but Chuck Bill also co-hosted a radio show with Captain Stubby (of Captain Stubby & the Buccaneers.)" 

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