Friday, December 19, 2014

"Who's the Water Head, Now, Hollywood?" Angelina Jolie Sure as Hell Ain't

"I never had a plan for my life," she said. "I do what I want to do. And if suddenly tomorrow I couldn't do anything, I could deal with that. I'd be happy at home being a mom." Angelina Jolie in People

“She's seriously out of her mind.” Scott Rudin e-mail to Amy Pascal

Seriously.  Sony pictures was hacked by the North Koreans, because it produced a movie intended to 'goof-on' the tubby, dictator who orders live ammunition practice on his Kin and paramours.  The hack-job mined a bonanza of Tweets, e-mails and cyber messaging between Sony executives. These same executives produce untold hours of loud,dull, self-congratulatory,  insulting, violent and meaningless 'entertainment' that goes immediately to Blue-Ray and Cable. Every once in a while the odd 'film' manages to squeeze through that is not loud,dull, self-congratulatory,  insulting, violent and meaningless 'entertainment' and lands somewhere in the level of artistic value next to Mitchell (considered the # 1 Worst Movie of 1975.

1975 was the year actor and director Angelina Jolie was born.

Since that time, the young lady seems to have done pretty well for herself - married a successful guy, adopted many children, engaged in charitable works with a grace well beyond her years and zip code, "She has received an Academy Award, two Screen Actors Guild Awards, and three Golden Globe Awards, and was named Hollywood's highest-paid actress by Forbes in 2009, " directed two films and has avoided rehab, scandal and managed to not make a complete train-wreck of her image.

She is a cute girl - some say beautiful.

That said, the executives at Sony who have managed to allow the tubby sociopath of the Pacific Rim to unmask Hollywood for the fetid cesspool it happens to be 24/7 and no days off for religious holiday.

In 1975, I was a baby teacher at Bishop McNamara High School in Kankakee, IL ( home of actors Kara Zediker BMHS '88, and Fred MacMurray).  Years later, while Kara Zediker trod the boards of Steppenwolf Theatre with John Malkovich, appeared in The Babe, Uncle Buck, Dig Two Graves, Contagion, Rock Star, The Babe, Janie Jones and No God, No Master, as well as made her talents evident on TV shows Like Star Trek, 24, King of Queens and Zena Warrior Princess, I became aware that Angelina Jolie was making a splash in Hollywood.

I saw Ms. Jolie in a couple of her films and recognized her intelligence, humor, depth and good heart.

I did not pick up on any clues as to her mental stability. She seems like a person who is centered and one not prone to worry about what is in the gift bags, or the place in line.

Hollywood is powerful.  Kim Jong Un is powerful.  Some people with power make life a living hell for others whom they deem inferior.

In 1975, I would go from Kankakee back home to the south side and tend bar.  I made more from Friday through Sunday than I did as a teacher.  There was a guy who used come into the bar who was a full blown nut-job. He would disguise himself with fake beards, glasses, trench coats and flash cards and badges that he got from Riley's Trick Shop and cage drinks and snacks.  He was nuts but relatively harmless.

"Shayyy? I'm jusht in from the coasht, and Bosh ( Boz) shed any thing I ashked for wash Ok, until my finanshesh get shquared away, Shpill me a Millersh and a shot of Chevash,"

Despite the disguises and the false identities, Larrensh (Larry) was afflicted with 'Fountain Mouth' - the Eddie Foy disease -"Shhay It, Don' Shhhpray it." That he could not hide.  Therefore, bar tenders immediately knew that Lawrensh Washhh In the Housh! The bartenders and owners gave the poor guy a couple of beers, a bag or two of Chipshhhh and the odd ride home. All but one.

Hollywood Hogan hated Lawensh like he was freshman Algebra. He would order Larry out with threats and maledictions and call him Water-head.

One very foggy night, after Hollywood ( a stunningly handsome black Irish Colin Farrell look-alike in full possession of a room temperature IQ) broke his ankle in softball game, Larry showed up an taunted the hobbled Hogan.

"Sha Madder Hollywood? Shpring in your Shtep Vanishhhhed?  Shum moush shcare you?"

Hollywood tucked a crutch under one arm and struggled to give chase.

Now, the city of Chicago had dug up the streets for sewer replacement and massive moats paralled the bar access.  Larry bolted Slushing out taunts and teases in the path of Hollywood Hogan doing his very best Walter Brennan giddy-yap.

Hogan decided to run down Larry with his big 1973 Pontiac Catalina. He tossed his crutch and fired up the car.  Larry hopped only yards from its path.

Hogan gunned the engine and tossed the Pontiac into drive. Larry hopped to the side and the quality vehicle careened into the City of Chicago created moat.  The rear wheels spun Hollywood beat the steering wheel with desperate and congenial hatred.

We witnessed this theatre.

From the fog, beyond the sewer ditch on Pulaski Ave. we heard the familiar voice of master of disguise, " Whoooshhhhhh The Water Head Now?"


1 comment:

Steve Diamond said...

A lovely Chicago story at Christmas time, rivaling the late Mike Royko. Best to you and yours!