Monday, November 17, 2008

MSM - Fat Smart! Chicago Tribune's Fat-ous Progressivism

Caveat Lardassians, of the Chicago Metro Area! The Media is on the Case of all you 'unrepentant' donut gulpers, biscuits and gravy swallowers, Lardboys and Lady Lard-Smugglers! It is a national imperative!

Like smokers, fois gras cracker nippers, and other thought criminals MSM is doing its Pre-Emptive Reportage!

Progressives tend to really hate the sinner and 'understand' the sin. Progressives, according to leading Demographic experts, tend to be college educated, fit, single or married, but childless.

The new progressivism reflects largely the narcissism of its political base in the urban core and a few elite suburbs. Liberal “progressive” activists in affluent,largely childless places like San Francisco, Manhattan, Seattle, Portland, and Boston see the world as needing simply to become more like themselves. As The
Stranger, a Seattle weekly, put it, they perceive themselves as “islands of sanity,
liberalism and compassion” compared with the suburbs, exurbs, and rural areas
where “people are fatter and slower and dumber. “

The Boutique Elites who control the Democratic Party and the National Media agree -'everyone else is dumber, fatter and of little or no consequence.'

The Boutique Elites bull through legislation that outlaws and proscribes - Smoking, Goose Guts & etc.

Today the Chicago Tribune offers two thoughts on Fat and Fat People.

First, the Trib points out America's Fattest City! Lardo! Blubber Ahoy! It's Huntington, West Virginia! Rednecks!

It's a sad situation, and a potential harbinger of what will happen to other U.S. communities, said Ken Thorpe, an Emory University health policy professor who is working with West Virginia officials on health reform legislation.

"They may be at the very top, but obesity and diabetes trends are very similar" in many other communities, particularly in the South, Thorpe said.

Culture and history are at least part of the problem, health officials say.

For decades, Huntington thrived with coal mines to its south. Nearly 90,000 people lived in the city in 1950. The traditional diet was dense with calories burned off through manual labor.

But as the coal industry modernized and the economy changed, manufacturing jobs left. The city's population is now fewer than 50,000, and chronic diseases—many of them connected to obesity—seem much more common.

Nurse Shari Wiley runs a program that identifies heavy school children and tries to teach them better eating and exercise habits. The effort began because of an alarming trend.

"A lot of the patients we were seeing were getting heart attacks in their 30s," she said.


. . . scientists also say an active brain is one that may not be as prone to Alzheimer's and other brain-damaging maladies. Mental exercise like reading the newspaper (hint, hint), attending a play or even playing checkers can ward off Alzheimer's, according to a study released last year by Rush University Medical Center researchers.

But there may be another way to keep the brain on but the pounds off.

Researchers now say that they often can detect brain activity changes that predict a person's choice before that person becomes aware of that choice. Apparently there can be a 10-second lag between the time the brain starts forming a decision and a person becomes consciously aware of it and acts, according to a May 2008 study in the journal Nature Neuroscience.

So, what if that emerging decision, particularly if it involved eating, could be intercepted and canceled in the 10 seconds before a person becomes conscious of it and acts?

Belay that brownie order! Short-circuit that shortcake! No, you really don't want fries with that!

What a breakthrough for those who struggle on a diet. Think of the possibilities.

But not too hard.

Thought brings on the Lard! The Chicago Tribune is Lean - Svelt! Reed-like! Willowy! Oh, So thin! And the Chicago Sun Times is positively . . .disappearing! Now, That's Progress!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

CHICAGO—In a devastating blow to millions of unsuspecting Americans, newly elected president and international con man Barack Obama fled the country Wednesday with nearly $85 million in campaign funds.

According to FBI investigators, Obama's sudden disappearance was discovered at 6:15 p.m. when the former Illinois senator failed to arrive at a gala event in Lincoln Square, prompting several aides to rush back to his campaign headquarters. At 6:23 p.m., flight logs at O'Hare International Airport confirmed that two passengers, a male carrying two silver briefcases and dressed in a perfectly tailored Brioni tuxedo, and an African-American female wearing a fur coat and speaking in a thick Russian accent, were seen boarding a private plane.

Enlarge Image
Click to read the note left behind by Obama, in which he claims the American public "never stood a chance."
Obama's campaign office, sources said, was completely vacant aside from a discarded Abraham Lincoln portrait, behind which was an emptied safe that his aides claimed never to have seen before.

In addition, three unconscious Secret Service agents were discovered at the scene, along with two lit cigarettes still burning in an ashtray, and Obama's daughters, who authorities now believe were taken from an Alabama foster home six years ago.

The only item found inside the metal safe was a letter, handwritten with a fountain pen and titled "An Explanation, My Dears."

"To my tender little pawns, the all-too-trusting people of America," said FBI lead investigator Ray Hilland, quoting the letter at a press conference Wednesday. "If you are reading this, then I have already left your silly country in my private jet, and am right now sipping fine champagne with my lovely associate, a woman you have come to know as 'Michelle.'"

"I assure you, this was the most pleasurable and fulfilling con I have ever pulled off," the note continued. "Not since the Moroccan elections in 1984 have I taken so much joy in raising, and then crushing, the hopes and dreams of so many pathetic, disenfranchised, and downtrodden people."

"It's been an absolute delight doing business with you. Rest assured, your generous contributions will be well spent," the note concluded. "Fondly yours, Ψ."

After initiating a further search of his campaign office, officials found more than two dozen counterfeit passports inside Obama's desk drawer. Authorities suspect that this is not the first time that the man who inspired millions has preyed upon a leadership-starved country, raised a record amount of money by running for office, and then vanished without a trace.

"This explains Portugal in '86, Finland in '94, and Greece in '90," CIA director Michael Hayden said. "He used the same faultless cover in those elections as he did here—a dead mother, a runaway father, a grandfather who fought in Patton's or Järnefelt's or Papdopoulous' army, and his signature calling card: change."

Multiple translations of Obama's books Dreams From My Father and The Audacity Of Hope were also discovered at the scene, each seemingly authored by a different world leader, including former Malaysian president Mohamad Mahathir, former Belgian prime minister Jean-Luc Dehaene, and the 14th Dalai Lama.

Of particular interest were the titles Les Rêves De Mon Père and L'audace D'espére, both of which feature a cover photo of French president Nicolas Sarkozy, a man Paris officials claim hasn't been seen or heard from in nearly eight months.

According to investigators, it appears that over the past 15 years, Obama has been elected president or prime minister in nearly 45 countries, many of them African. Officials estimate that since 1983 Obama has amassed more than $2.3 billion in stolen campaign financing.

"He's good, real good," Hayden said. "Sometimes he'll have three campaigns going on at once. Recently uncovered video of him in Bangladesh, Ukraine, and Italy in 1989 shows him shifting seamlessly between three languages. And no matter what dialect he speaks, he speaks it passionately. He also abides by a flawless formula: a desperate country, plus hope, plus the promise of a bold new tomorrow equals big bucks."

"Hell, even I donated the $2,400 to his campaign," he added.

Obama's closest aides, including head campaign strategist David Axelrod, admitted that they never once suspected their candidate was anyone other than who he claimed to be. Nevertheless, Axelrod said that the recent revelation did explain why he once overheard Michelle Obama tell her husband that "the time had come for their coup de grâce."

"He completely suckered me," said a visibly dejected vice president-elect Joe Biden, who estimated that he raised over $10 million for Obama. "I trusted him. Change, 'Yes We Can,' a new kind of politics, bringing the nation together, valuing an open dialogue about the issues—I trusted all of it."

Added Biden, "I should have known it was too good to be true."

Everyday Americans, whom Obama referred to as "so many unwitting chess pieces in my elaborate game," also expressed shock Wednesday.

"I'm devastated," Pennsylvania resident and Obama donor Denise Bell told reporters. "I just hope he comes back soon so he can be our president."