Showing posts with label Chicago. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chicago. Show all posts

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Idiot Bicyclists and Bistro Voltaire

Image result for bistro voltaire chicagoImage result for bistro voltaire chicago



 “Men are equal; it is not birth but virtue that makes the difference.” ― Voltaire

  DNAinfo ChicagoThe video shows a bicyclist apparently slowly pedaling into the intersection of Halsted and Roosevelt when a car hits him, sending the man over the car's roof and landing several feet away.
The driver of the car, a 22-year-old woman, stayed at the scene and has not been cited in the crash
Read more at https://www.liveleak.com/view?i=995_1500584271#UeqSxFGsIJCZARVJ.99

“Ice-cream is exquisite. What a pity it isn't illegal.” ― Voltaire


My lovely friend and I enjoyed a superb evening at a remarkable destination - Bistro Voltaire at 222 West Chicago Avenue.  The getting there was like watching Dunkirk on IMAX.

We began our trip to Bistro Voltaire at 4 P.M. on a hot and sticky Saturday, armed with an umbrella for the much threatened rains.  No rain.  I decided to take North Avenue from Oak Park to the restaurant, because Taste of River North was getting under way and the expected traffic at Ohio exit of 94 North would be as thick as creme brulee on hot sidewalk.

North  Avenue is a wonderful ride east to the hipper environs. You travel through Austin and West ad East Garfield Parks, where my Aunt Nellie Shea and her husband Dinny had an apartment until their moves to Heaven and then Humboldt Park.  I turned south at California and we saw old gents playing dominoes in Humboldt Park.  We passed the wonderful Flying Saucer diner run by a brilliant Australian lad named Andy and headed east again at Chicago Avenue heading into Ukrainian Village with its magnificent Churches and Museum and finally the bedroom community of the self absorbed.
Image result for Cyclist runs red light ChicagoImage result for Cyclist runs red light hit by car Chicago
These hipper environs are noticeable more by its tattooed and tanned denizens pedaling expensive CEEPO Vipers, or the more modest 6061 BLACK LABEL - PEARL WHITE.  These people want everyone to know that they are alive . . ., at the moment. 

Last week I watched a video (above)  of a graceful idiot imitating a bug on a windshield, in DNAinfo Chicago.
Image result for Bike creeps  in chicago
Yesterday, I watched no fewer than four such well-accoutred imbeciles sped through red lights at Chicago and Western , Chicago and Damen, Chicago and Ashland and finally at Chicago and Larabee.  These death defying morons caused traffic, which was not inconsiderable, to buckle and wane in expectation of meeting between force and matter.

My son lives in Wicker Park, as do many young people brought up with Old World values in the un-hippest of neighborhoods and continue to live accordingly.  These young people know what it means to not receive participation trophies, how to wait their turns, have deference for other people and how not to spark a confrontation with their elders and betters.

Living among them are tattooed and tanned spawn of Montessori, Lab and Liberation education.

Free to form, do what they may with creative intensity and speak their little minds.

There were no speeding ninnies observed from Oak Park to Sacramento along Chicago Avenue, it was only at the boundaries of Wards run by Proco Joe Moreno and Brian Hopkins that the Clay-brained people emerged.  Always aboard a most expensive set of wheels

Our Lady Blue Divvy bikers tended to their slow pace and themselves.

Once we found on-street parking on Chicago Avenue, we took an amble to the Brehon Pub and caught the pivotal 8th Inning of yesterday's W over St. Louis.  My lady had scrumptious baked pretzel as a pre-prandial salivation for the delights awaiting at our 5:30 P.M. reservation.

Opened in 2010, Bistro Volatire is top of the charts.  The music is an exquisite combination real jazz, jazz Manouche, Edith Piaff, Michel Le Grande and Ray Charles.  The walls are festooned with image of Western literary giants, save the bothersome portrait of career bullshitter Studs Terkel - Volatire, Balzac, Victor Hugo, John Dos Passos, Hemingway, Ezra Pound, Gertrud Stein, Virginia Wolf, Joseph Conrad, Guy de Maupassant, James Joyce and Eugene O'Neill.

The lighting is perfect, the seating cozy-comfortable and the service wonderfully attentive, friendly and pure Chicago homespun at its best.

Our server, James, was a Dubliner and student at UCD enjoying the freedom of our city and working the fresh markets in the same neighborhoods that are home to the Morons sur les bicyclettes of our trip here.
Image result for salade bistro
The menu is simple and inviting .  We both had the Bistro Salade of crisp and chilled Romaine and endive lettuce, bacon, and  a poached egg over a Dijon mustard vinaigrette.

After sampling the driest of white wines and settling on the Chardonnay, the birthday girl ordered the Vivaneau - Red snapper over spinach and parsnip puree.
Image result for steak frites bistro voltaire
My only disappointment was they were out of swordfish and I opted for the wonderful steak au poivre.  You can not miss this.  The Frittes (fries) are seasoned with garlic and pure love of Man.   I could cut the steak with a spoon.
Image result for profiteroles cake
Knowing that my lovely guest was celebrating her birthday, the wonderful manager sent over the lady's favorite cocktail Kir Royal and a candle topped Profiterolle ( a pastry puff stuffed with gelato and covered in a sinful chocolate sauce.  I got more than few spoons of it.

Bistro Voltaire is the ideal  romantic evening, special dinner treat that will put you in solid with the one you love.  Get there before James returns to his studies in economics at University of Dublin in September.  He is a great entry to the superb entrees at Bistro Voltaire.

I took I 94 to the Ike home - no bikes.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

February 24, 2015 - Chicago Redeemed



 These two Mayors sold off Chicago, because we sold out.
These two Chicagoan's (Chuy Garcia and Pickle Joyce)could help us redeem what we have lost. 
re·demp·tion
rəˈdem(p)SH(ə)n/
noun
1.
the action of saving or being saved from sin, error, or evil.
"God's plans for the redemption of his world"
synonyms: saving, freeing from sin, absolution
"God's redemption of his people"
a thing that saves someone from error or evil.
"his marginalization from the Hollywood jungle proved to be his redemption"
2.
the action of regaining or gaining possession of something in exchange for payment, or clearing a debt.


I believe in redemption.  I'm a Catholic;  I gotta beleive in it.  As a person, I know that I owe a debt to those who gave me a comfortable life and to those who will follow after, when I shed this mortal husk. a place worth my time on the terra.

We cashed in Chicago, years ago.  When Harold Washington became mayor, too many whities got the willies, but soon learned that the Mayor was a pretty decent leader.  Harold reached over the Jesse Jacksons, the Michael Pflegers and the Judge Pinchams to ask the Polish, Mexican, Croatian, Lithuanian and Irish ethnics to give him a chance.  Harold was no race baiter.

Too many of us whities sought comfort with States Attorney Richie Daley, still a Bridgeport Boy and an easy laugher.

Harold Washington's death happened shortly after whitey agreed with the Mayor's leadership and direction.

We cashed in Chicago with Richie Daley. I know I did.  His laugh became forced and he -Richard M. Daley, not Richard J. Daley.
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My bad.  I refused to believe what I  witnessed:  the direction Richie Daley was allowing himself to travel on the University of Chicago automated beltway to power via Progressive Policy.  As I watched from the sidelines of citizenship, Daley chucked away people like Ald. Pat Huels, Terry Teele and Oscar DeAngelo at the mere suggestion of impropriety in the Sun Times and Tribune. Then he chucked his entire neighborhood of Bridgeport, all while closing scores of neighborhood taverns in Canaryville , Bridgeport and Back of the Yard. When I asked one one gent whose bar supply business on 47th & Canal went belly up as result why Daley would close those historic joints owned by neighbors and friends, I was told, " No crowd of beer drinlers; no talk; no talk, no complaints."    That was in 1998.

We went along for twenty years. We, the Richie Daley accolytes of the 1980.'s cashed in Chicago. Mea culpa.

CHICAGO — No city in America beats Chicago when it comes to selling public assets - garages, bridges, even parking meters - and contracting with private companies to supply traditional public services.Over the past five years, the Windy City under Mayor Richard M. Daley has sold or leased out public institutions such as the Chicago Skyway ($1.83 billion), underground garages beneath Grant and Millennium Parks ($563 million), and, more recently, city parking meters ($1.15 billion).

We cashed in the Skyway, Meigs Field,  tavern licenses, street parking, wide throughfares like State Street, for $5 Tolls, A Band Venue, Yuppie Zinc Bars, or stay at home with your quart of Old Milwaukee, $28 a half hour warehouse, and concrete planters full of growth obstructing the view of everyone but Double Decker Tour buses. Oh, we a go a huge ass Silver Bean.

Rahm went even further - we Daley Acolytes created Rahm - The CTA was given to Ventra, Red Light Camera Robbery, Charter and Faux St. Ignatius Preps like Gwendolyn Brooks Academy proliferation and the closing of Catholic and neighborhood public schools.  Yep, Rahm hates Catholic schools more than he hates CPS.  His first act as Mayor was to tax Catholic schools for water.

Now we can make things better. Now we can act to redeem Chicago -A City of Neighborhoods and Neighbors

We have a chance to talk to one another again and to get back something of our selves.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Busy Morning for a Lazy Man



The events of the morning of Monday February 25, 2013 recounted, as I can think of nothing else of weight and moment.

Yesterday, as I recall -

3:45 AM: The alarm! The goofy cat treated me to a hairball omelet as I padded from my basement lair to the shower. Following a litany of obscenities and vain threats, I gave up the staring contest with the soul-less creature;clean its regurgitation, it's sandbox and refilled the water and Whiskas mess-kits. Then, I got my revenge by smearing the goof's eyes with the Neo-Sporin ointment.  She hates that stuff and at half a yard a tube I am right with her.

I am a shallow man.

On to the shower!!!!!!  A five minute respite from cat concerns and my time and energy saving shaving in full torrent.

Selection of the day's snappy satire, fitting to the obligations and salutations of the day - smartly pressed Oxofrd cloth shirt, not so smartly pressed chinos and the bullet-proof and Hawk resistant charcoal Irish knit sweater from Kerry,O'Connell's Irish Fisherman Aran Sweater - Charcoal my Leo windbreak and on what passes for a head my charcoal eight-point Donegal herringbone skimmerIrish Tweed 8-piece Cap - Charcoal Brown Herringbone (HH 9521) - Watch Ou'Now!



4:30 AM: After checking my sleeping bairns and the front and back doors and the saltiest of valedictions to the  black trichobezoar blowing quadriped, I stepped out into the waning dark.  My neighbor Jimmy the Fireman was coming home and we hailed on another with congenial good nature attendant to most south siders -compliments pass when the quality meet. 

No presipitation whatsoever, storm warning notwithstanding and just the slightest of breezes.


Coffee with Karim, Lari and Vaneta at Dunkin Donuts and the trip to Leo.


4:50: Open the iron gates to the faculty parking lot and no need to scrape the ice from Old # 7 Grey Van. Office work.


6:00: Go go get the Villains ( Bronzeville and Canaryville)


6:20: 46th & Lowe Call the ever sleepy truant - no answer.


6:31: Depart for Dunkin Donuts in Bronzeville. Chat with the regulars pay for three French crullers for Big Man ( Freshman Football/Boxer)


6:50: Depart for BP Station Bronzeville - Call truant again.  Two more Leo Men of Steel board the board - witty repartee.  Depart for Pizza Nova 43rd & Wallace.


7:02: Pull up well past the edge of the building in order to scan the foot traffic southbound on Wallace seven gents board.  Witty Repartee Morphs Hip-Hop Meets Country. I admonish, "Gentlemen, in order to maintain my avuncular attitude for all and sundry, understand that vulgarity is no substitute for wit."


Bronzeville Big Man's Riposte- "Hickey, do Uh-Vunklar mean gay?"


Howls of disdain and cheeky chuckles at my expense. Depart for Graham Elementary faculty parking at 46th & Emerald - No Truant and no return call ( Little bastard!).  One gent boards. " No donuts, again!  This sucks Ass!"


With smile of understanding I reply, " I quite agree and so does the vacuity of my accounts -checking and savings."


7:15: Depart for the hallowed halls of Leo High School enter the southbound Dan Ryan at 43rd Street and deftly merge to the express lanes.


7:29: Arrive at Leo High School -" I'll drive you bums to Nova after school."  I back the vehicle in place and return to my work station.


If I had to work for a living, I'd resent that hairball.



Thursday, August 16, 2012

Chicago -Meet Samuel Johnson's "London"




 Not too much has changed in human nature and in politics. The virtuous people get the shaft and the artful dodgers get more pie.  There has always been group think and wormy acceptance of public frauds and their policies. Mayor Rahm Emanuel is very much like Jack Wilkes.

Jack Wilkes, Lord Mayor of London, was journalist/demagogue of the 18th Century, who used radical rhetoric to become a political icon and autocrat.  London was a pest hole of corruption vice and gang-violence.  "Wilkes and Liberty!" was the shout of the day and murders were as common as flies on an uncollected corpse.
John Wilkes
Dr. Samuel Johnson was a lexicographer, poet, scholar, wit and Tory.  A Tory was a conservative who believed in God, King and Country.  Tories arose from the Cavalier Party which took the side of the Monarchy over Oliver Cromwell's progressive dictatorship.  In modern sensibilities, President Obama is much akin to Oliver Cromwell.  The word Tory comes from the Irish word - tóraidhe; - which means Outlaw.

How's that for irony?

If you believe today that abortion is murder, you are an outlaw.  If you believe today that marriage is between a man and woman, you are an outlaw.  If you believe today that the sweat of your brow is your capital, you are an outlaw.

Jack Wilkes as Mayor of London encouraged an Occupy Movement that railed against King George, his wars in America, and Catholics.  In 1778 and act to end anti-Popery Laws in England against Roman Catholics ( which were not unlike Obama's HHS Mandate), angered the 18th Century MSNBC-like pamphleteers and they the mob.  The words King Mob became the 99%ers of London.  The Gordon Riots against Catholics, the King and the Bank of England broke out in 1780.

Guess what; when the Mob ( 99%er OWS of London) marched on the Bank of England, Rahm Wilkes ordered the militia to fire of the crowd.

Dr. Johnson wrote of his London:
Besides, with Justice, this discerning Age
Admires their wond'rous Talents for the Stage:
Well may they venture on the Mimic's art,
Who play from Morn to Night a borrow'd Part;
Practis'd their Master's Notions to embrace,
Repeat his Maxims, and reflect his Face;
With ev'ry wild Absurdity comply,
And view each Object with another's Eye;
To shake with Laughter ere the Jest they hear,
To pour at Will the counterfeited Tear;
And as their Patron hints the Cold or Heat,
To shake in Dog-days, in December sweat.

How, when Competitors like these contend,
Can surly Virtue hope to fix a Friend?
Slaves that with serious Impudence beguile,
And lye without a Blush, without a Smile;
Exalt each Trifle, ev'ry Vice adore,
Your Taste in Snuff, your Judgment in a Whore;
Can Balbo's Eloquence applaud, and swear
He gropes his Breeches with a Monarch's Air.

Those are Chicago Values, kids!

http://andromeda.rutgers.edu/~jlynch/Texts/london.html
http://www.history.org/foundation/journal/summer03/wilkes.cfm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gordon_Riots

Monday, April 30, 2012

NATO - Experience Chicago's Neighborhood People Eddie Carrol Suggests



I met Eddie Carroll, the Morgan Park neighborhood Philosopher, Gad-about Swain and Roofer to the Stars in the very long lines at County Fair Foods at 108th & Western.  The after-Mass crowds of shoppers from Sts. Barnabas, Cajetan, John Fisher (east of California) and Walter parishes were especially active this Sunday.

Mr. Carroll is best known as the CEO of Carroll Roofing - the haberdasher to our homes. Eddie is to roofs as Optimo is to fine head wear.  Mr. Carroll is a committed bachelor often beset by toothsome young women intent upon his sole attentions. Alas, Eddie Carroll is cosmopolitan universalist with regard to affections - courtly though cavalier and considerate without constancy.


 I asked Eddie about the upcoming NATO Summit and what Chicago could do to welcome the salt-water Belgians, Brits, Spaniards Germans and Gauls.

Eddie said that Chicago has the most beautiful skyline, because of our lakefront and the imagination of the sons of Burnham, a world class playground for tourists complete with Beans and fountains old and new.
He grew more thoughtful than usual and soon decanted his latest vintage  of thought on this matter.

" Pat, this is one great town for kids, sport, art, literature, music and stand-up comedy.  I hope that our European guests will avail themselves of the first class wits and humorists featured at Chicago's fine light entertainment venues - Second City, Zanies, of course.  But they might also take in the laughs at blue-collar neighborhood taverns and saloons - Stash's Dot U Again?, Lou's Change, Bar Nun, the Flags, Fluke's Wrong Wit U? out here and  away from the dry Urban Center.  Here is some of the side-splitting drollery that our guests might hear here* from the likes of any one of the comic genius gents coming out of the head after leaving a bucket o' beer for the Water Reclamation District.  A McKinley Park MadCap, or Canaryville Cut-up, or Hegwisch Humorist  with a shirt-tail pecker protruding zipper high to play Panatloon- we are an earthy lot given to free expression and damn the outcomes and costs. I heard ourt own local wags offer these droll insights - exemplum gratia . . .


 
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats so they have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.


Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It is not only the English and French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased its alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." Two higher levels remain: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

Lastly, the Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish Navy can get a really good look at the Old Spanish Navy.

Pat, I sure hope that our NATO guests and all of the foreign and domestic journalists, Wobblies, Reds, Anarchists, Occupiers, Michael Moore, Susan Sarandon, Noam Chomsky, and other humorlessly worn-out folks get a chance to bump into real Chicagoans and get the full favor of this our City of Neighborhoods. We are a droll folk."

I thanked Eddie for the wholesome and thoughtfully pleasant use of  time in the line. Eddie stacked his selections onto Donna's check out converyer belt - organic vegetables, brown rice, Fava beans, soy curds, plain Greek yogurts, Perrier, and a 16 oz. bottle of Pepto Bismal marked down to $ 2.75.  Eddie remarked, "That is value, Patrick. That is value.  I see you have a basket full of empty calories, salty and sugary snacks, canned soup - Progresso naturally, Flamin Hotz, and Slim Jims. Looks like a five dollar Billy Buck's ( equal or exceeeding $ 100 in goods) day for the Hickey Household. Yet, no Pepto Bismal. No Pepto Bismal.  Think of that."

With that signal blessing we parted.




http://www.chicagonato.org/what-is-nato--pages-188.php

http://www.jokes.com/stand-up-search/jokes/?keywords=nato
http://www.countyfairfoods.net/


Friday, July 16, 2010

Consider Samuel Johnson's "London" When Thinking About Chicago



In the 18th Century, the fashion in poets, as in all things, was imitation. Imitation was and is the means by which the best that has been presented can be restored for ages to come - consider, in music, the parade of cover bands. Imitation was and should not be duplication. Rather, a poet fashioned what was great in Classical Greek and Roman literature into the vernacular-spiced with contemporary allusions to public person, politics, and events.

London in 1737, was a horrific mess. The city was overcrowded, crime-ridden, gang-infested, and notoriously corrupt. Yet, London was the heartbeat of the Hanoverian Empire of King George III,so busy taxing his colonies out of existence.

Samuel Johnson was a poor man - impecunious, broke, Tapioca. However, he was a powerful intellect and a robust and energetic citizen. Chicago's Tom Roeser has about the liveliest mind and matching conservative spirit to Dr. Johnson.

The poem "London" is and Imitation of the Roman poet Juvenal's Third Satire and it written in closed couplets - two exact rhyming lines expressing a complete thought or sentiment.

Given Chicago's horrifically murderous condition and notorious corruption - I am more concerned with the Huge Brahmin Thieves than I am with the Streets and Sanitation worker grabbing a snooze - the stuff of the Inspector General and the Shakman Snitch Enterprises.

I think that this poem reflects our times. The character Thales is a guy who is sick of it all and wants to blow town for the quiet of rustic Wales (Cambria).

LONDON: A POEM

In IMITATION of the THIRD SATIRE of JUVENAL

By Samuel Johnson 1738


———Quis ineptæ
Tam patiens Urbis, tam ferreus ut teneat se?
Juv.
Who is so patient of the foolish City, so iron-willed that he can contain himself?

Tho' Grief and Fondness in my Breast rebel,
When injur'd Thales bids the Town farewell,
Yet still my calmer Thoughts his Choice commend,
I praise the Hermit, but regret the Friend,
Resolved at length, from Vice and London far,
To breathe in distant Fields a purer Air,
And, fix'd on Cambria's solitary shore,
Give to St. David one true Briton more.
For who would leave, unbrib'd, Hibernia's Land,
Or change the Rocks of Scotland for the Strand?
There none are swept by sudden Fate away,
But all whom Hunger spares, with Age decay:
Here Malice, Rapine, Accident, conspire,
And now a Rabble Rages, now a Fire;
Their Ambush here relentless Ruffians lay,
And here the fell Attorney prowls for Prey;
Here falling Houses thunder on your Head,
And here a female Atheist talks you dead.

While Thales waits the Wherry that contains
Of dissipated Wealth the small Remains,
On Thames's Banks, in silent Thought we stood,
Where Greenwich smiles upon the silver Flood:
Struck with the Seat that gave Eliza Birth,
We kneel, and kiss the consecrated Earth;
In pleasing Dreams the blissful Age renew,
And call Britannia's Glories back to view;
Behold her Cross triumphant on the Main,
The Guard of Commerce, and the Dread of Spain,
Ere Masquerades debauch'd, Excise oppress'd,
Or English Honour grew a standing Jest.

A transient Calm the happy Scenes bestow,
And for a Moment lull the Sense of Woe.
At length awaking, with contemptuous Frown,
Indignant Thales eyes the neighb'ring Town.

Since Worth, he cries, in these degen'rate Days,
Wants ev'n the cheap Reward of empty Praise;
In those curst Walls, devote to Vice and Gain,
Since unrewarded Science toils in vain;
Since Hope but sooths to double my Distress,
And ev'ry Moment leaves my Little less;
While yet my steady Steps no Staff sustains,
And Life still vig'rous revels in my Veins;
Grant me, kind Heaven, to find some happier Place,
Where Honesty and Sense are no Disgrace;
Some pleasing Bank where verdant Osiers play,
Some peaceful Vale with Nature's Paintings gay;
Where once the harass'd Briton found Repose,
And safe in Poverty defy'd his Foes;
Some secret Cell, ye Pow'rs, indulgent give.
Let —— live here, for —— has learn'd to live.
Here let those reign, whom Pensions can incite
To vote a Patriot black, a Courtier white;
Explain their Country's dear-bought Rights away,
And plead for Pirates in the Face of Day;
With slavish Tenets taint our poison'd Youth,
And lend a Lye the confidence of Truth.

Let such raise Palaces, and Manors buy,
Collect a Tax, or farm a Lottery,
With warbling Eunuchs fill a licens'd Stage,
And lull to Servitude a thoughtless Age.

Heroes, proceed! What Bounds your Pride shall hold?
What Check restrain your Thirst of Pow'r and Gold?
Behold rebellious Virtue quite o'erthrown,
Behold our Fame, our Wealth, our Lives your own.

To such, a groaning Nation's Spoils are giv'n,
When publick Crimes inflame the Wrath of Heav'n:
But what, my Friend, what Hope remains for me,
Who start at Theft, and blush at Perjury?
Who scarce forbear, tho' Britain's Court he sing,
To pluck a titled Poet's borrow'd Wing;
A Statesman's Logic, unconvinc'd can hear,
And dare to slumber o'er the Gazetteer;
Despise a Fool in half his Pension drest,
And strive in vain to laugh at H—y's jest.

Others with softer Smiles, and subtler Art,
Can sap the Principles, or taint the Heart;
With more Address a Lover's Note convey,
Or bribe a Virgin's Innocence away.
Well may they rise, while I, whose Rustic Tongue
Ne'er knew to puzzle Right, or varnish Wrong,
Spurn'd as a Beggar, dreaded as a Spy,
Live unregarded, unlamented die.

For what but social Guilt the Friend endears?
Who shares Orgilio's Crimes, his Fortune shares.
But thou, should tempting Villainy present
All Marlb'rough hoarded, or all Villiers spent;
Turn from the glitt'ring Bribe thy scornful Eye,
Nor sell for Gold, what Gold could never buy,
The peaceful Slumber, self-approving Day,
Unsullied Fame, and Conscience ever gay.

The cheated Nation's happy Fav'rites, see!
Mark whom the Great caress, who frown on me!
London! the needy Villain's gen'ral Home,
The Common Shore of Paris and of Rome;
With eager Thirst, by Folly or by Fate,
Sucks in the Dregs of each corrupted State.
Forgive my Transports on a Theme like this,
I cannot bear a French metropolis.

Illustrious Edward! from the Realms of Day,
The Land of Heroes and of Saints survey;
Nor hope the British Lineaments to trace,
The rustic Grandeur, or the surly Grace;
But lost in thoughtless Ease, and empty Show,
Behold the Warriour dwindled to a Beau;
Sense, Freedom, Piety, refin'd away,
Of France the Mimic, and of Spain the Prey.

All that at home no more can beg or steal,
Or like a Gibbet better than a Wheel;
Hiss'd from the Stage, or hooted from the Court,
Their Air, their Dress, their Politicks import;
Obsequious, artful, voluble and gay,
On Britain's fond Credulity they prey.
No gainful Trade their Industry can 'scape,
They sing, they dance, clean Shoes, or cure a Clap;
All Sciences a fasting Monsieur knows,
And bid him go to Hell, to Hell he goes.

Ah! what avails it, that, from Slav'ry far,
I drew the Breath of Life in English Air;
Was early taught a Briton's Right to prize,
And lisp the Tale of Henry's Victories;
If the gull'd Conqueror receives the Chain,
And what their Armies lost, their Cringes gain?

Studious to please, and ready to submit,
The supple Gaul was born a Parasite:
Still to his Int'rest true, where'er he goes,
Wit, Brav'ry, Worth, his lavish Tongue bestows;
In ev'ry Face a Thousand Graces shine,
From ev'ry Tongue flows Harmony divine.
These Arts in vain our rugged Natives try,
Strain out with fault'ring Diffidence a Lye,
And get a Kick for awkward Flattery.

Besides, with Justice, this discerning Age
Admires their wond'rous Taients for the Stage:
Well may they venture on the Mimic's art,
Who play from Morn to Night a borrow'd Part;
Practis'd their Master's Notions to embrace,
Repeat his Maxims, and reflect his Face;
With ev'ry wild Absurdity comply,
And view each Object with another's Eye;
To shake with Laughter ere the Jest they hear,
To pour at Will the counterfeited Tear;
And as their Patron hints the Cold or Heat,
To shake in Dog-days, in December sweat.

How, when Competitors like these contend,
Can surly Virtue hope to fix a Friend?
Slaves that with serious Impudence beguile,
And lye without a Blush, without a Smile;
Exalt each Trifle, ev'ry Vice adore,
Your Taste in Snuff, your Judgment in a Whore;
Can Balbo's Eloquence applaud, and swear
He gropes his Breeches with a Monarch's Air.

For Arts like these preferr'd, admir'd, carest,
They first invade your Table, then your Breast;
Explore your Secrets with insidious Art,
Watch the weak Hour, and ransack all the Heart;
Then soon your ill-plac'd Confidence repay,
Commence your Lords, and govern or betray.
By Numbers here from Shame or Censure free,
All Crimes are safe, but hated Poverty.
This, only this, the rigid Law persues,
This, only this, provokes the snarling Muse;
The sober Trader at a tatter'd Cloak,
Wakes from his Dream, and labours for a Joke;
With brisker Air the silken Courtiers gaze,
And turn the varied Taunt a thousand Ways.
Of all the Griefs that harrass the Distrest,
Sure the most bitter is a scornful Jest;
Fate never wounds more deep the gen'rous Heart,
Than when a Blockhead's Insult points the Dart.

Has Heaven reserv'd, in Pity to the Poor,
No pathless Waste, or undiscover'd Shore?
No secret Island in the boundless Main?
No peaceful Desart yet unclaim'd by SPAIN?
Quick let us rise, the happy Seats explore,
And bear Oppression's Insolence no more.
This mournful Truth is ev'ry where confest,
Slow rises worth, by poverty deprest:
But here more slow, where all are Slaves to Gold,
Where Looks are Merchandise, and Smiles are sold,
Where won by Bribes, by Flatteries implor'd,
The Groom retails the Favours of his Lord.

But hark! th' affrighted Crowd's tumultuous Cries
Roll thro' the Streets, and thunder to the Skies;
Rais'd from some pleasing Dream of Wealth and Pow'r,
Some pompous Palace, or some blissful Bow'r,
Aghast you start, and scarce with aking Sight,
Sustain th' approaching Fire's tremendous Light;
Swift from pursuing Horrors take your Way,
And Leave your little All to Flames a Prey;
Then thro' the World a wretched Vagrant roam,
For where can starving Merit find a Home?
In vain your mournful Narrative disclose,
While all neglect, and most insult your Woes.

Should Heaven's just Bolts Orgilio's Wealth confound,
And spread his flaming Palace on the Ground,
Swift o'er the Land the dismal Rumour flies,
And publick Mournings pacify the Skies;
The Laureat Tribe in servile Verse relate,
How Virtue wars with persecuting Fate;
With well-feign'd Gratitude the pension's Band
Refund the Plunder of the begger'd Land.
See! while he builds, the gaudy Vassals come,
And crowd with sudden Wealth the rising Dome;
The Price of Boroughs and of Souls restore,
And raise his Treasures higher than before.
Now bless'd with all the Baubles of the Great,
The polish'd Marble, and the shining Plate,
Orgilio sees the golden Pile aspire,
And hopes from angry Heav'n another Fire.

Couid'st thou resign the Park and Play content,
For the fair Banks of Severn or of Trent;
There might'st thou find some elegant Retreat,
Some hireling Senator's deserted Seat;
And stretch thy Prospects o'er the smiling Land,
For less than rent the Dungeons of the Strand;
There prune thy Walks, support thy drooping Flow'rs,
Direct thy Rivulets, and twine thy Bow'rs;
And, while thy Beds a cheap Repast afford,
Despise the Dainties of a venal Lord:
There ev'ry Bush with Nature's Music rings,
There ev'ry Breeze bears Health upon its Wings;
On all thy Hours Security shall smile,
And bless thine Evening Walk and Morning Toil.

Prepare for Death, if here at Night you roam,
And sign your Will before you sup from Home.
Some fiery Fop, with new Commission vain,
Who sleeps on Brambles till he kills his Man;
Some frolick Drunkard, reeling from a Feast,
Provokes a Broil, and stabs you for a Jest.
Yet ev'n these Heroes, mischievously gay,
Lords of the Street, and Terrors of the Way;
Flush'd as they are with Folly, Youth and Wine,
Their prudent Insults to the Poor confine;
Afar they mark the Flambeau's bright Approach,
And shun the shining Train, and golden Coach.

In vain, these Dangers past, your Doors you close,
And hope the balmy Blessings of Repose:
Cruel with Guilt, and daring with Despair,
The midnight Murd'rer bursts the faithless Bar;
Invades the sacred Hour of silent Rest,
And plants, unseen, a Dagger in your Breast.

Scarce can our Fields, such Crowds at Tyburn die,
With Hemp the Gallows and the Fleet supply.
Propose your Schemes, ye Senatorian Band,
Whose Ways and Means support the sinking Land;
Lest Ropes be wanting in the tempting Spring,
To rig another Convoy for the K—g.

A single Jail, in Alfred's golden Reign,
Could half the Nation's Criminals contain;
Fair Justice then, without Constraint ador'd,
Sustain'd the Ballance, but resign'd the Sword;
No Spies were paid, no Special Juries known,
Blest Age! But ah! how diff'rent from our own!

Much could I add, —— but see the Boat at hand,
The Tide retiring, calls me from the Land:
Farewel! —— When Youth, and Health, and Fortune spent,
Thou fly'st for Refuge to the Wilds of Kent;
And tir'd like me with Follies and with Crimes,
In angry Numbers warn'st succeeding Times;
Then shall thy Friend, nor thou refuse his Aid,
Still Foe to Vice forsake his Cambrian Shade;
In Virtue's Cause once more exert his Rage,
Thy Satire point, and animate thy Page.



These lines seem to tell us all, or at least they do for me -


. . . This mournful Truth is ev'ry where confest,
Slow rises worth, by poverty deprest:
But here more slow, where all are Slaves to Gold,
Where Looks are Merchandise, and Smiles are sold,
Where won by Bribes, by Flatteries implor'd,
The Groom retails the Favours of his Lord.


God Bless you, Dr. Johnson!