Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Busy Morning for a Lazy Man

The events of the morning of Monday February 25, 2013 recounted, as I can think of nothing else of weight and moment.

Yesterday, as I recall -

3:45 AM: The alarm! The goofy cat treated me to a hairball omelet as I padded from my basement lair to the shower. Following a litany of obscenities and vain threats, I gave up the staring contest with the soul-less creature;clean its regurgitation, it's sandbox and refilled the water and Whiskas mess-kits. Then, I got my revenge by smearing the goof's eyes with the Neo-Sporin ointment.  She hates that stuff and at half a yard a tube I am right with her.

I am a shallow man.

On to the shower!!!!!!  A five minute respite from cat concerns and my time and energy saving shaving in full torrent.

Selection of the day's snappy satire, fitting to the obligations and salutations of the day - smartly pressed Oxofrd cloth shirt, not so smartly pressed chinos and the bullet-proof and Hawk resistant charcoal Irish knit sweater from Kerry,O'Connell's Irish Fisherman Aran Sweater - Charcoal my Leo windbreak and on what passes for a head my charcoal eight-point Donegal herringbone skimmerIrish Tweed 8-piece Cap - Charcoal Brown Herringbone (HH 9521) - Watch Ou'Now!

4:30 AM: After checking my sleeping bairns and the front and back doors and the saltiest of valedictions to the  black trichobezoar blowing quadriped, I stepped out into the waning dark.  My neighbor Jimmy the Fireman was coming home and we hailed on another with congenial good nature attendant to most south siders -compliments pass when the quality meet. 

No presipitation whatsoever, storm warning notwithstanding and just the slightest of breezes.

Coffee with Karim, Lari and Vaneta at Dunkin Donuts and the trip to Leo.

4:50: Open the iron gates to the faculty parking lot and no need to scrape the ice from Old # 7 Grey Van. Office work.

6:00: Go go get the Villains ( Bronzeville and Canaryville)

6:20: 46th & Lowe Call the ever sleepy truant - no answer.

6:31: Depart for Dunkin Donuts in Bronzeville. Chat with the regulars pay for three French crullers for Big Man ( Freshman Football/Boxer)

6:50: Depart for BP Station Bronzeville - Call truant again.  Two more Leo Men of Steel board the board - witty repartee.  Depart for Pizza Nova 43rd & Wallace.

7:02: Pull up well past the edge of the building in order to scan the foot traffic southbound on Wallace seven gents board.  Witty Repartee Morphs Hip-Hop Meets Country. I admonish, "Gentlemen, in order to maintain my avuncular attitude for all and sundry, understand that vulgarity is no substitute for wit."

Bronzeville Big Man's Riposte- "Hickey, do Uh-Vunklar mean gay?"

Howls of disdain and cheeky chuckles at my expense. Depart for Graham Elementary faculty parking at 46th & Emerald - No Truant and no return call ( Little bastard!).  One gent boards. " No donuts, again!  This sucks Ass!"

With smile of understanding I reply, " I quite agree and so does the vacuity of my accounts -checking and savings."

7:15: Depart for the hallowed halls of Leo High School enter the southbound Dan Ryan at 43rd Street and deftly merge to the express lanes.

7:29: Arrive at Leo High School -" I'll drive you bums to Nova after school."  I back the vehicle in place and return to my work station.

If I had to work for a living, I'd resent that hairball.

1 comment:

Jim Bowman said...

Flann O'Brien, I presume . . .