Wednesday, November 26, 2014

A Thanksgiving Address To Boys Ten* and Under from Mr. Dark Meat Hickey

Men,  this is what we have waited for all this past year - through Christmas, Easter,both Parents Days, National Holidays, Religious Oberservances, Birthdays and etc. - Thanksgiving.

You and your cousins park your rumps on cast-off kitchen chairs that molded in the basement, since last year, or those rusty folding chairs that your Dad, or uncle promised to take a sand belt to, repaint and oil the joints, but 364 days of Wheel of Fortune got in the way. You and your male cousins will get the dark meat.

Respect the dark meat.  Be the dark meat.- legs, wings, thighs, the back meat. Men, we are dark meat; girls are white meat. We are necessary to the fate of Church, the neighborhood and America.  Dark meat gives us the necessary grease to keep the lugs and seers that operate our arms and legs.  White meat, like the Ladies, is refined - it is clean and delicate. You gotta pour a quart of gravy on it to make it taste anywhere near as good as dark meat. Here's how to get at it - Paty Attention!

Now, here's why eating dark meat is important.
Dark meat is eat with your hands meat!  Dark meat is vital fuel for men of action and patriots. Dark meat  is what the guys at Valley Forge, Bougainville and the Chosin Reservoir in Korea had to make them refuse to lose.

White meat just wont cut it - too flakey - falls apart.

Dark meat ?  Hold the phone!  Man, You got work to do! Chewing and tasting the sweet grease!  There are no WHITE MEAT turkey legs, Gentlemen.  It just does not happen.

Get to it!  Now, don;t load up on chips and candy and crap before dinner.  Lay off the egg-nog until the pies and cookies come out.  Take it easy on the spuds - sweet, mashed or otherwise. Give the stuffing to the little guys with pieces of dark meat - have Uncle Johnny cut it up for them.  Eat the cranberry sauce.  Now, nail that dark meat.

If you get a leg you had better do it justice. Have that bone picked as clean as a bald bowling ball.

Happy Thanksgiving!  Eat like a Champion!

* Boys Eleven and Older never listen to anyone and will generally take whatever the Hell they want from any plate, bowl, dish or table top - savages.

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