Salahis Attempted to Crash Cleek Club Chicago - I Wanted to Let the Blond In, But Houli Said "Nix on the Twist!"

Bill Zwecker notes the attempts by the Couple Salahi tp gain entre to the Midwest Polo Club - that used to trot out the chukkas for pukka at the Old Chicago National Guard Armory on Chicago Ave. a few semesters back.

Unreported - until this very moment - was the attempt by Michaele and Tareq Salahi to be admitted to the posh and exclusive (membership two -three pending: once Beachwood Reporter's Steve Rhodes pays his downstroke of a twelve pack of Drewry's Beer) Cleek Club of Chicago.

Readers ( Mom and that guy in Toledo) might recall that following an ugly incident at Chicago' Union League Club that film auteur, raconteur and libertine Mike Houlihan* and I formed the Cleek of Chicago - Gentleman's Club (No Lap Dancing and No Laplanders)
http://hickeysite.blogspot.com/2007/12/mike-houlihan-and-files-of-cleek-club.html


Some weeks ago, following Cleek's Kangaroo Boxing Night and Oyster Dinner, Chicago Renaissance Man Mike Houlihan and Myself were enjoying our post-prandial tonsil wettings of brandies ( E&J of Course!) in our tall-backed overly stuffed Baker Chairs and damning the eyes of the Pathan Thuggee over their latest devilment and afront to Our President, when Worthington bowed - presidential I might add - and announced that a striking blond woman and tuxedoed gent were at the front-door.

Houli, sound chap, asked Worthingon to pass the silver salver and "Let's have a screw at the Chappy's card. What?"

Worthington announced that the two-some had not offered their card.

"No Card? They could be the damned Press, Worthington! Only a thoroughgoing skunk and scoundrel of the First Order would deem himself presentable sans ecart entre

I saw that Worthington was deeply troubled by this oversight, as he is generally quite good at his job. Worthington is no Desiree Rogers. Her resume got not a glance here at Club Cleek. I offered, " Don't trouble yourself Worthington on this score. Mr. Houlihan would demand to see Pope Ben's damned card and check it for the Union Bug before he even considered talking to its owner."

"True!"

"Houli, Old Son, should we not give the two the once over as Cleek overhead demands at least one more member and Brother Rhodes, taken up with Porcine Ague or some such botheration, is delinquent on the golden nectar brewed in South Bend, Indiana; Bottled Ambrosia **sporting the ruggedly handsome and reassuring Mountie!"

"No, Hickey. No Card; No Chat; No Chat; No Cleek! Standards Man! This is not an igloo or some tent on a lawn! Ecart entre connaissance et usage d'une langue minoritaire : essai de typologie des facteurs. Le cas de la langue basque! This is Cleek of Chicago!"

" What's the blond Crumpet wearing Worthington?"

" Quiet fetching, Sir and might I add that she is wearing a wanton and roguish smirk that . . .

Houli howled, "I would not care a jot if she were wearing a gown made up of Benjamins, Hickey!"

" Standards?"

" They ain't just tunes by Sinatra, my boy!"

" Quite right, Houli! Worthington, two more E & J's *** and a brace of Olde English 40's . . .What? What?"

" Oh, I dare say, Hickey Old Cock, might not be a good idea -mind you. Those are two toned chino slacks you are wearing?"

"God's Tripes!"

*Chicago Television Premiere of“Tapioca”
On WTTW
WTTW, Channel 11, willpresent the television premiere of Mike Houlihan’s independent feature film,Tapioca, on Saturday night/Sunday AM December 19th at 12:30AM.

Tapioca stars Emmy and Tonywinner Ben Vereen along with Mike Houlihan and his entire family andfriends. In a story as timely as The GreatRecession of 2009, abrasive blowhard Pipes McGonnigle (Houlihan), a TV hawkerfor a Chicago car dealership, loses his job, gets kicked out by his wife, andruns afoul of a Streetwise vendor (Vereen) with supernatural powers, whoconsigns him to life as a bum by way of a hex. Former Sun-Times columnistHoulihan expanded his stand-up act of the same title and cast a host of veteranChicago actors for this comic allegory of redemption set entirely in thegrittiest of urban locations.

Tapioca features SaturdayNight Live alum Tim Kazurinsky, Greg Hollimon from “Strangers With Candy”, MarkBorchardt from “American Movie”, as well as Jimmy Carrane, David Pasquesi, PaulKelly, Michael McNeal, Jack McCabe, and several other Second City veterans.Mary Carney of “Ryan’s Hope” is also featured as a mystical bag lady.

The film premieredtheatrically at the Park City Film Music Festival in Park City, Utah in 2008.Tapioca features an original score by Chicago jazz composer Ryan Cohan andcontributions from Gospel legends Otis Clay and Lena McLin. PulitzerPrize winning political cartoonist Jack Higgins designed cartoons for theflick. Paddy Houlihan directed the film and William Houlihan executiveproduced.

The Houlihans have screenedTapioca at The Texas Black Film Festival, First Take Film Festival, The OtherVenice Film Festival, and won Best Feature Film at the Geneva Film Fest.Vanguard Cinema has placed Tapioca in worldwide DVD distribution. Mike says,“Tapioca is proof that you don’t need a million dollars to make a cool littlemovie.”

Dan Soles, WTTW Program Director,said, “Tapioca spins a fresh Scrooge, an apt Chicago comedy for our Christmaspresent.”

**"First Case of Drewrys Ale Goes to Roosevelt
One Carload Shipped to Lima Today

President Roosevelt is to get first case of Drewrys Canadian Ale to be brewed in the United States. This is not done merely by way of advertising. Drewrys is the first Canadian Ale to be produced in America and it it fitting that the President who made this possible should be recognized by this feature.

The story back of this gesture may be interesting even to the President himself. Over six months before Mr. Roosevelt was elected, Mr. M. J. Black, the President of Drewrys Ltd. of Canada and representative of various English interests abroad, came down to the States with his mind decided that Roosevelt would be elected and that the sale of malt beverages would be permitted again, and backed his judgment with his company's capital.

It soon became evident, however, that an American company was necessary to operate on American soil. Therefore the Drewrys Limited. U. S. A., was formed and enfranchised and fully financed within itself. And this American Company after a most careful survey of the brewing facilities of America, formed its affiliation with The Sterling Brewers of Evansville, Indiana, whose long record of cleanly, careful, wholesome brewing measured up well to the Canadian standard of Drewry quality. Evansville immediately put in its fermenters and aging tanks. The Drewry Ale brewed according to the Canadian standards, where, also according to the Canadian standards, it has been aging and mellowing in since. It Is now ready at long last.

One carload will arrive here for you tomorrow. Their distribution to your various good dealers will follow immediately and by the day after tomorrow it ought to be ready for you. The Lima Beverage Co. No. Main St. Main 2171 Distributor DREWRYS ALE SINCE 1877" - Lima (Ohio) News, Aug 15, 1933

***E & J Brandy Review - absolutely ripping!

Alcohol: 80 Proof (40% alcohol by volume)

Color: Dark copper.

Aroma: Sweet nose, like Belgian candy sugar, surprisingly mild aroma. Very inviting smell.

Flavor: Bites like a bugger. Makes you wince. This first thing this brandy does when it hits your palate is that it digs-in and attacks your sensitive mucous membranes with a pungent, hot, and oily mouth attack. Finishes with a hint of cashew nut and a sharp, strong, flower-petal flavor smack. A unique flavor profile that would be interesting and even appreciated if this brandy didn't burn so much initially.

http://www.epinions.com/content_2361696388

Mike Houlihan and the Files of the Cleek Club: Gordon Pasha, Islam, Teddy Bears and Olde English 40's

'Gordon! Drop the Bear! Name Him for the Prophet, Infidel? - Try This Needle Point, Mr. Eminent Victorian!'



KHARTOUM, Sudan - A British teacher jailed for letting her students name a teddy bear Muhammad as part of writing project headed home Monday after being pardoned -- ending a case that set off an international outcry and angered many moderate Muslims.

The incident was the latest in a tense relationship between the West and Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir, an Islamic hard-liner who has been accused by the United Nations of dragging his feet on the deployment of peacekeepers to the country's war-torn Darfur region.

Chicago Tribune 12/03/07

Among the Doric Columns of Chicago's Newest Club, Renaissance Man Mike Houlihan explains International history and Morality to Journeyman Reader Pat Hickey - no mean task that: ( hushed quietude erupted by outraged incredulity!)

'Bugger Birkenhead, Houli! The papers resound with cries of Gordon's Ghost - the good man kebobed in defense of the Khedive of Egypt.'

'Hickey, Old Sod, Lytton Strachey and your devotion to old Bill Thackeray's son-in-law not withstanding, the truth of the matter is that Pasha 'Chinese' Gordon was guilty of the exact same crime as the plump,toothy Brit spinster - (you are yet a widower, Hickey? , never mind )- about to British Airways her way back to Old Blightey as we wheeze here in our New Club - The Cleek of Chicago, Worthington! another Olde English - on my chit - Cheers.'*

'Houlihan, you mean to say that this chubby do-gooder -tendering McGuffey's Reader to the Fuzzy -Wuzzies in the Sudan - is merely another Brit to incur the ire of Islam?'

'Quite. You see, Old Man, Gordon, like most Britons, would slaughter Wogs and Paddies with aplomb and delight all day long, but once Apollo's Orb dipped past the earth's golden sleeve - prosing too purple, am I ?'


'Prose On,do!'

'Once the infernal day ends a Brit likes nothing better than to clutch and snuggle with a plush toy animal - a Plush Bear - termed Teddy here in the emancipated Colonies. You see, Gordon, as a Professional Soldier and Amateur Humanist, liked a good Pet Snuggle along with a whacking good read of Holy Writ over the slaughtered bones of Heathen Chinese caught in Britain's Opium Trade and the Fuzzy Wuzzie's of the languishing Slave Trade; thus Gordon's presence in the Sudan. He had a stuffed bear named Mohammad that he carried with him through China and later in the Sudan. In China, he termed his dear pet Chinkey Freedman, much to the scowls of the pig-tailed Heathen, but once in the Sudan - Mohammad. You see, Hickey, Old Inflamed Colon, Gordon's naming of his pet is what stirred the ire of the Mahdi; brought on the Siege of Khartoum; bankrupted the Gladstone Government; and ultimately chucked the lumber through Gordon's pump. Lessons of History, My Boy, Lessons of Life.'

'Amazing Houli!'

'Quite!'

'Your Chinos are smoking, Old Man!'

'WORTHINGTON! Another 40! Pronto!'

* An earlier Post recounted the low blackguarding of Mike Houlihan by the snobs of the Union League Club - on response Mike founded the Cleek of Chicago - the Driver of the City:Mashies, Rakes and Niblicks are for smaller souls. The Cleek of Chicago is Big, Big Club!

http://hickeysite.blogspot.com/2007/11/chicagos-club-of-unclubable.html