Few things make me more astonished to be a resident of Cook County, Illinois than the lengths to which intellectually challenged and socially retarded individuals manage to find huge paying government jobs, especially with the Illinois General Assembly.
I have taught many young people to be good and sober minded citizens in classrooms from Kankakee to Auburn Gresham, even though my humanly flawed soul strays from the path now and then. I am proud to say that a number of my students have gone on to careers in business, the church, government, the entertainment industry and the arts. A few have even thanked me for my small part in their achievements and vocations.
A very few have gone on to unhappy lives of missed opportunities and disappointments public and private. One poor chap became a legislator in another State and ended up going to prison for violating the public trust. He was always a sneaky little bastard.
As the new year dawned, I was compelled to think about the new punitive law in effect at midnight last. This is the Deb Mell Butt Flicker Public Act:
HB 3243, PA 98-0483 Some Illinois residents will likely pledge to quit smoking cigarettes as a New Year’s resolution. Those who don’t may want to resolve not to flick their cigarette butts on the ground, or they could face a hefty fine. Cigarette butts have been added to the litter control act, and those who toss them on the ground could be charged with a Class B misdemeanor, punishable by a fine of no less than $50 and up to $1,500.
Now, with advent of the Medical Marijuana Law Illinois ( " . . . Patients must be at least 18 years old to apply for a medical marijuana card through the Illinois Department of Public Health and must prove they have one of 33 serious or chronic conditions specifically listed in the bill. They must have an established relationship with a doctor who approves their use of the drug. Successful applicants will be allowed 2.5 ounces of marijuana per a two-week period. Patients, caregivers, owners and employees of growing operations and dispensaries will all be required to pass background checks Owners of growing operations or dispensaries will be banned from making campaign contributions. "), is a Joint to be considered a Butt? Is there a The Dude's Exempt Clause? You know like that compelling scene from Big Lebowski?
( sotta voce - Can't hate Creedence and you can't stop bullshit, in my considered opinion. )
There's more. A triple- repeat offender could go away to the Iron Hilton and pay up to $25,000 for the crimes committed against Mother Earth, Sanitary Issues, Public Safety and Deb Mell.
I smoke, or did, having resolved with my usual steely will to quit the foul talon-clutch of the Marlboro Man. Through my years as a tobacco weed fiend, I managed by dint of good manners and an expansive heart to deposit ciggy refuse in a proper receptacle ( ashtrays public and private, empty beer cans, or field stripped in the manner of a Forest Ranger). I tended not to smoke in restaurants over the last thirty years and have never once lite one up in the house that shelters my bairns.
Like jaywalking, traffic scofflawing, toxic dumping, drug trafficking, or murdering for hire, I never needed a law or ordinance to know what I should or should not do. That is because I was not educated in public schools (K-20). Rather, I was taught by Catholic scholars to be a modestly Catholic scholar - Esse Quam Videre.
Last spring, while suiting up for the Gay Marriage Warfare and Victory, Deb Mell took the time to amend legislation in the Illinois General Assembly to make sure that butt flickers, a particularly nasty breed of Eco-Vandals, got it good and hard. Governor Pat Quinn who is always quick to sign his name to any and all idiotic legislation crafted with polling and pie charts from the Paul Simon Institute and fashioned by thought challenged activists and deep feeling snitches like Deb Mell signed this latest law against common sense by Cook County Progressives.
Cook County Progressives awe me. I have yet to encounter one ( male, female, breeder, LGBTQ, hyphenated Irish, Swede, or Proud Black Brother) that was in any way shape or form an admirable, self-reliant, or nice person. Yet, otherwise admirable, self-reliant and nice persons who take public office allow them to control Illinois. Awesome.
That said, Be not a Deb Mell Law Scofflaw. Flick no butts from a fixed position, or, God Forefend, moving vehicle. Don't be Flicker, not for fear of Law's Majesty and Might, butt, because it is the right thing to do. Be a Butt Picker. If you, or I, continue to absorb the fumes made fashionable by Walter Raleigh, pick the butt, strip the butt and save the butt for future use -recycle.
Illinois Butt Pickers might want to show Deb Mell and her cosponsors the fruits of being concerned Illinois voters, taxpayers and citizens.
Save your butts and show your butts! Collect your butts in gallon sized zip lock bags; drop them off at Alderman Deb Mell's office, or the offices of Bill's co-sponsors. My own Representative Fran Hurley jumped at the chance to savage butt flickers.
Show them your Butts! Obey the Law with all of the intelligence and mutual respect it deserves.
Here's who want to see your butts: Show 'Em Your Butts! It's the Law!
Representative Deborah Mell (D)
Represented the 40th District
|Years served: January 2009 - July 2013|
Biography: Full-time legislator; B.A. Political Science and History, Cornell College; California Culinary Academy; Mayor Rahm Emanuel Advisory Council for Human Relations; Award for Activism, National Organization for Women; Howard Brown Cornerstone Award for community excellence. Representative since 2009.
Representative Frances Ann Hurley (D)
|Years served: January 2007 - Present|
Committee assignments: Appropriations-Human Services; Health Care Availability Access (Vice-Chairperson); Health Care Licenses; Small Business Empowerment & Workfo (Chairperson); Restorative Justice (Chairperson); Tollway Oversight (Vice-Chairperson); Veterans' Affairs.
Biography: Real estate entrepreneur and founder of Ford Desired Realty, Inc. Received his B.S. in Education from Loyola University in Chicago. Former history teacher and basketball coach for Chicago Public Schools. Licensed Illinois real estate broker, member of the Chicago and National Association of Realtors, board member of the Austin YMCA, board member of Circle Family Care, board member of the Austin Chamber of Commerce, founding organizer of Zawadi Youth Group, and member of St. Martin de Porres Catholic Church Parish Council and Finance Committee.
Representative Elaine Nekritz (D)
Assistant Majority Leader
Representative Emanuel Chris Welch (D)