Wednesday, August 25, 2010

So, I Go into the Smart Bar . . . Tales of Rep. Mike Quigley Redux!

Smart Bar is located at:
3730 N. Clark St.
Chicago, IL 60613
(Two blocks North of Wrigley Field)
Phone: 773-549-0203

Smart Bar began in 1982 as a way to bring new and exciting dance music and DJs to Chicago. Since then, Smart Bar has accomplished this goal repeatedly and established itself as one of the country's premier cutting edge nightclubs. At the cusp of a quarter century of bringing new music to Chicago, it's time to take a look back at how we've come so far...

I'm up in Wrigleyville on Sunday after Mass and breakie with the kids, because the elegant, but thrifty woman who deigns to be seen publicly with me is checking the shops for haute couture items in the smart and thrifty shoppes.

I am eternally eight years old and after the third visit among the haute glad rags for really swell dames, the swell-egant woman has lost patience with my fingering of garments and fidgeting and " Hey, How's this look on me?"

In hushed but stern tone, "Please, take off the Jan Ali fedora. There is a magazine."


" Why don't you go to a nice tavern and have a red pop and chat up the locals?"

"Okay!" Gone in a ZIP!

I wandered the toney avenues of Sheffield, Waveland and Clark and thanked Christ that we south siders, have but a very few diagonal streets - South Chicago and Vincennes, but they are haute couture deserts!

There are any number of adult watering holes here abouts, but I happened upon the Smart Bar. It is a Way Hip club and did not open until 10pm. What would have happened were I to have planted my elbows on its zinc bar? ( dream waves/dream waves/dream waves of my bold imaginings)

I goes into this hip new wave bar and survey the scene. Always check your surroundings and mind your Peas and Cues, especially if there is a free pool table in the joint. To my surprise there is a robot serving as the bartender. I observe with empirical thirst.

The robot asks a Metrosexual gent with a European carry-all, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

The robot quickly brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ, Sir?"

The guy says, "168."

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology, Loyola basketball and the 19th Ward.

The gent is amazed. He finishes his drink and leaves, but he is curious. He halts at the door and goes back into the bar.

The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "100."

The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, White Sox, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The Metro-sexual dandy starts to leave but then decides he will try it one more time. He goes back up to the bar and pops a Jackson out of his European Man Bag.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.

The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "Uh, about 60."

The robot leans in real close and says,..............

"So, you still happy you voted for Congressman Mike Quigley?"

Smart Bar ? positively Mensa-eque!

I gotta drop in there after I get my worsteds and Oxford cloths back from Mr. Shifty's Cleaners over by Western at 110th- no Dockers or Sears Regular Fits in this place I imagine. Quel Dommage!

h/t - Barrister Dan Kelley

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