Things I Never Say Mostly

Thanks in advance!  At the end of day, we all irritate others and often without meaning to take offense.  With all due respect, hackneyed and hollow phrasing might be holding us back from better human relations, at this in moment time.

In terms of bugging people with mindlessly empty tag lines and borrowed bon mots we can do better.

It is not always what it is.   Plain English works and say what is in your heart and head.  Political gasbags and celebrities have butchered human contact.

Agreed upon pap is not a a rhetorical feast.

 A simple way to avoid causing eyes to roll, at best,or a cousin to reach for that 32" Louisville slugger that he has soaked in Quaker State 40 Weight, at worst, would be to read some of President Obama's speeches and avoid sounding anything like him  - I mean that foppish corps of milkweeds who penned his utterances.

In Joseph Heller's  masterpiece Catch 22, the Orwellian speech-shadows dimming our light of conversation was halted by the primordial utterances of Major ___de Coverly. This septuagintal Major frightens the hell out of one and all by shear dint of the majesty and bearing of his being.  Major __de Coverly puts an end to the asinine Glorious Loyalty Oath of Captain Black in Chapter 13.

Captain Black, like many high school principals, members of Congress and the 44th President of United States,  believes that he is intelligent, due to his position in a table of organization.  He wants to 'get back at' Major Major Major ( formerly Captain Major Major) for being passed over for promotion and institutes a policy where by no member of the squadron can be fed without having signed the Glorious Loyalty Oath - via executive order/zero tolerance.

Maj. ___ de Coverly ends the Glorious Loyalty by holding his mess try under the nose of a mess hall commissar  and growling " Gimme eat!  . . ."Give Everyone Eat!"

Everyone got eat.

Please, plain speaking, cousins!

I do what I can.  Note that I have never consciously used any of the following:

• ( any verb transitive) preceding "this Puppy" Start this puppy, ride this puppy, screw this puppy
• " teaching moment"
• " opportunity for conversation" People who want an opportunity for conversation never shut up.
• " let's  dialog"
• " My policy" - unless referring to life, medical, car and homeowner insurance; other than those, policy is for pussies
• "that's just sad" - clause used rhetorically by confused, challenged and snotty people, when they have run out of intellectual ammo
• " Veggies"  - You mean carrots, celery stalks, cucumber slices and midget tomatoes for dip?
• "Bro, Brah, Dude"
• Reference to any Body parts in mixed company.  Don't be a dick.
• " How 'bout them " Bears, SOX, Bulls or even Hawks?
• " Kicking the can down the road" Which can exactly?  And - why exert yourself?
• " Right side of history"  Say that and you will be on the wrong side of study of the past.
• " Do you know who I am?"  - God, I hope not. 
• "Text me!"
• "Enough"  is not a feast!

I shall wag my tongue, until the Good Lord yanks it out of my head, and with dutiful and humble attention to my words offend no one. . . .but,  those who need offending. 

N.o F.un L.eague ? - Watch High School Sport

The Autumn wind is a pirate
Blustering in from sea
With a rollicking song he sweeps along
Swaggering boisterously.
His face is weatherbeaten
He wears a hooded sash
With a silver hat about his head
And a bristling black mustache
He growls as he storms the country
A villain big and bold
And the trees all shake and quiver and quake
As he robs them of their gold.
The Autumn wind is a Raider
Pillaging just for fun
He'll knock you 'round and upside down
And laugh when he's conquered and won.  Autumn Wind - Oakland Raiders Hymn by John Facenda


John Facenda was the narrator for the wonderful NFL promotional videos decades ago.  Many of us still cling to the mythopoeic phrasing offered by the poetic Mr. Facenda as reason to continue watching, following and tolerating the National Football League and the overpaid myrmidons sporting its logo on all over-priced products, posters and on the field.

John Facenda was the poet of the National Football League



The NFL is now a robot on FOX Sports - fitting and proper.

Knots of players have consulted with their agents and PR flaks and decided to sit during the National Anthem, a s means of insulting police, denouncing racism, genocide, sexism. date-rape, drug abuse, sugary beverages and Donald Trump.

I'm fine with that.

I'm tired of the hypocrisy.

Yesterday, and the day before, I had the pleasure of watching sport live at Providence Catholic High School for the freshman football squads and the sophomore/varsity battles on the grid-iron at Brother Rice High School.

All three games were exciting, inspiring and satisfying.  I can not say the same about my Bears, my Packers, my Colts, my Falcons, my Redskins, or my Cowboys - live or on television.

Yesterday morning , in New Lennox, home of Providence Catholic Celtics (btw - no soft C in the Keltic language), the temperature was 94 degrees at 9:30 A.M.  and combat between the respective 40 and 20 yard lines was even more intense.

Celtic quarter Ryan O'Neill # 16 was sensational.  I have never witnessed a QB with such speed, accuracy and poise and I have witnessed Bishop Mac's Kelly O'Connor and Leo High School Amir Holmes.

Brother Rice Crusader quarterback Ben Somers has wowed me for the past five weeks, but this kid
is amazing!  All of the freshmen play with heart and are well coached and highly disciplined.  The Celtics had Ryan O'Neill *and put an end to dreams of an undefeated season. 4-1 is something to be proud of gents!

The defensive squads on both teams were as tight and courageous as any infantry square facing Murat's dragoons and lancers at Waterloo - an homage to Facenda.

Were he still with us, the late John Facenda would fix his eyes on the genuine athletes and avert his gaze from the preeningly artificial thugs dominating professional sport.

Nothing heroic going on in the NFL, NBA, MLB.  Just pirates.

* Ryan O'Neill: Providence Catholic High School - New Lennox, Illinois
Jersey #: 16
Positions: QB, SS
Height & Weight: 5'9" 151lbs
Class of: 2021

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Saloon Dominos in the 19th Ward

• Chandler's ( closed) 
• The Stadium Club(closed)
• End Zone ( for sale)*
• McNally's Pub (for sale)
• T.R.'s Pub ( closing)
• Beverly Woods Lounge (Closed) 

Ubi Sunt?  

The old watering holes of yore are going the way the way of the buffalo, two-tone wing tips, wing tips and 8-tracks.  Every time I read the news another hoary saloon with deep roots in my neighborthood's history is either closed, closing, or up for sale.  

A micro-brewery opened and Jack Kelly's cardioversion of the fabled Dubliner Pub are oddities among the closings and sales of saloons, pubs and taverns in the 19th Ward.  

The passing of the other joints into history's mist is sad, but not mysterious.  The bar business is tough in the best of times, but in an age that scorns the morning cocktail and salon as deplorable uses of time and money it is not surprising.

Working men and retirees often would gather in the mornings and early afternoons for a cold one and to catch up on community chatter.  This phenomenon has died out, due in no small part to the dangers of driving to a watering and hole and making one's way home.  Also, the stigma of meeting up for a pint before the sun's shadow went past yard arm brands a tippler as pathological boozer.  As such, bars open later and close earlier than did in days gone bye.  Tough to build a decent night deposit on that. 

Anyway, saloons are closing all over the Ward.

Maybe that is a good thing.    Maybe not.

* editorial ht/to Jack Kelly!

A$$holes are as American as Baseball and Witch Burning, Denouncing People and Whining!

Activists, a synonym for a$$holes, unfurl a banner at a recent Boston Red Sox Game. Why did these White Supremacists not allow even one person of color into their fine  moment?