Sunday, October 01, 2017

Things I Never Say Mostly

Image result for 1940s Blowhard

Thanks in advanceAt the end of day, we all irritate others and often without meaning to take offense.  With all due respect, hackneyed and hollow phrasing might be holding us back from better human relations, at this in moment time.

In terms of bugging people with mindlessly empty tag lines and borrowed bon mots we can do better.

It is not always what it is.   Plain English works and say what is in your heart and head.  Political gasbags and celebrities have butchered human contact.

Agreed upon pap is not a a rhetorical feast.

 A simple way to avoid causing eyes to roll, at best,or a cousin to reach for that 32" Louisville slugger that he has soaked in Quaker State 40 Weight, at worst, would be to read some of President Obama's speeches and avoid sounding anything like him  - I mean that foppish corps of milkweeds who penned his utterances.

In Joseph Heller's  masterpiece Catch 22, the Orwellian speech-shadows dimming our light of conversation was halted by the primordial utterances of Major ___de Coverly. This septuagintal Major frightens the hell out of one and all by shear dint of the majesty and bearing of his being.  Major __de Coverly puts an end to the asinine Glorious Loyalty Oath of Captain Black in Chapter 13.

Captain Black, like many high school principals, members of Congress and the 44th President of United States,  believes that he is intelligent, due to his position in a table of organization.  He wants to 'get back at' Major Major Major ( formerly Captain Major Major) for being passed over for promotion and institutes a policy where by no member of the squadron can be fed without having signed the Glorious Loyalty Oath - via executive order/zero tolerance.

Maj. ___ de Coverly ends the Glorious Loyalty by holding his mess try under the nose of a mess hall commissar  and growling " Gimme eat!  . . ."Give Everyone Eat!"

Everyone got eat.

Please, plain speaking, cousins!

I do what I can.  Note that I have never consciously used any of the following:

  • ( any verb transitive) preceding "this Puppy" Start this puppy, ride this puppy, screw this puppy
  • " teaching moment"
  • " opportunity for conversation" People who want an opportunity for conversation never shut up.
  • " let's  dialog"
  • " My policy" - unless referring to life, medical, car and homeowner insurance; other than those, policy is for pussies
  • "that's just sad" - clause used rhetorically by confused, challenged and snotty people, when they have run out of intellectual ammo
  • " Veggies"  - You mean carrots, celery stalks, cucumber slices and midget tomatoes for dip?
  • "Bro, Brah, Dude"
  • Reference to any Body parts in mixed company.  Don't be a dick.
  • " How 'bout them " Bears, SOX, Bulls or even Hawks?
  • " Kicking the can down the road" Which can exactly?  And - why exert yourself?
  • " Right side of history"  Say that and you will be on the wrong side of study of the past.
  • " Do you know who I am?"  - God, I hope not. 
  • "Text me!"
  • "Enough"  is not a feast!
I shall wag my tongue, until the Good Lord yanks it out of my head, and with dutiful and humble attention to my words offend no one. . . .but,  those who need offending. 

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