Ogden Nash on Planned Parenthood and Lovers of Abortion

À Bas Ben Adhem ( of Personal PAC Illinois, Organizing for America and PPA)

My fellow man I do not care for.
I often ask me, What's he there for?
The only answer I can find
Is, Reproduction of his kind.
If I'm supposed to swallow that,
Winnetka is my habitat.
Isn't it time to carve Hic Jacet
Above that Reproduction racket?

To make the matter more succint:
Suppose my fellow man extinct.
Why, who would not approve the plan
Save possibly my fellow man?
Yet with a politician's voice
He names himself as Nature's choice.
The finest of the human race
Are bad in figure, worse in face.
Yet just because they have two legs
And come from storks instead of eggs
They count the spacious firmament
As something to be charged and sent.

Though man created cross-town traffic,
The Daily Mirror, News and Graphic,
The pastoral fight and fighting pastor,
And Queen Marie and Lady Astor,
He hails himself with drum and fife
And bullies lower forms of life.
Not that I think much depends
On how we treat our feathered friends,
Or hold the wrinkled elephant
A nobler creature than my aunt.
It's simply that I'm sure I can
Get on without my fellow man. 

If I Load the President's Teleprompter, Tonight's SOTUS Address

One way to be very happy is to be very rich ( pause)
For then you can buy orchids by the quire and bacon by the flitch. (Do The Mussolini)
And yet at the same time People don’t mind if you only tip them a dime,
Because it’s very funny ( Smile Look around an point to a Republican Senator)
But somehow if you’re rich enough you can get away with spending water like money ( Blow a Kiss at McConnell)
While if you’re not rich you can spend in one evening your salary for the year
And everybody will just stand around and jeer. ( Do the Mussolini again and hold it)
If you are rich you don’t have to think twice about buying a judge or a horse, ( chuckle to yourself and then get real serious)
Or a lower instead of an upper, or a new suit, or a divorce,
And you never have to say When, ( Laugh like Glenn Beck)
And you can sleep every morning until nine or ten,
All of which
Explains why I should like very, very much to be very, very rich.

The United States, America ! Let's Give it up! Thank you!

How a Wisconsin Girl Dreams

The Cow

The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other, milk.

Ogden Nash

No, You Be A Lone Eagle

I find it very hard to be fair-minded
About people who go around being air-minded.
I just can't see any fun
In soaring up up up into the sun
When the chances are still a fresh cool orchid to a paper geranium
That you'll unsoar down down down onto your (to you) invaluable
cranium.
I know the constant refrain
About how safer up in God's trafficless heaven than in an automobile
or a train
But ...
My God, have you ever taken a good look at a strut?
Then that one about how you're in Boston before you can say antidis-
establishmentarianism
So that preferring to take five hours by rail is a pernicious example of
antiquarianism.
At least when I get on the Boston train I have a good chance of landing
in the South Station
And not in that part of the daily press which is reserved for victims of
aviation.
Then, despite the assurance that aeroplanes are terribly comfortable I
notice that when you are railroading or automobiling
You don't have to take a paper bag along just in case of a funny feeling.
It seems to me that no kind of depravity
Brings such speedy retribution as ignoring the law of gravity.
Therefore nobody could possibly indict me for perjury
When I swear that I wish the Wright brothers had gone in for silver
fox farming or tree surgery.

Ogden Nash

H/T SuperDadSpeaks.com