Hickey to Get a Modest Rhinoplasty

You're a very nosy fellow, kitty cat. Huh? You know what happens to nosy fellows? Huh? No? Wanna guess? Huh? No? Okay. They lose their noses. [flicks knife, cutting open Jake's nostril] Next time you lose the whole thing. Cut it off and feed it to my goldfish. Understand? Understand!?

All I asked was, "Where's you get the midget, Jesus."

Part of the perks of my White Privilege is having a 'see-through' Irish pelt.  For six decades and change, me and that lucky old sun have been at war with Hickey Lad taking the pasting to his pallor.

Days at Rainbow Beach from digging sand pits to flexing for the babes, waist deep in the mighty Kankakee on burning hot days casting the line of my Zebco, Fins McCool, to the mouths of Smallies, quaffing that superrogatory quart of ice cold Drewrys and having a nice lie down in open field for some day time Rapid Eye Movement deprived night-night, yelling encouragement from grandstands and sidelines sans UPF 50, or Quaker State, and just walking around under the blaze and bake of Old Sol have added a bumb to my porcine pug smeller.

I have what appears to be one big-ass Basal Cell Carcinoma occupying my schnozzola.

This will be addressed by a lovely Greek American plastic surgeon.

The alternative, would be searching out celebrated Pédophile et cinéaste, Roman Polanski, and piss him off  - Ainsi !



Change A Comin'!

Hickey Causes Woman to Become Partially Paralyzed. I Deny This Charge . . .Catagorically.

H/t - Max weismann of the Center for the Study of Great Ideas.

I have been called 'a stroke!' Many friends and cousins have remarked upon my words amd deeds and assigned this canard to me and without reservation I freely admit that -yes, I was, and can be 'a stroke.'

However, I have not to my knowledge, much less lack there of, caused or intended to cause a stroke, paralysis ( temporary, or permanent).

Also, I can attest to the fact that I have not ventured from the continental United States in the last twelve years, except when acting as an agent in the service of my country at the request of my President(s) . . . but I can not speak to that.

Nevertheless:

Hickey Causes Woman to Become Partially Paralyzed.
A 44-year-old woman from New Zealand was treated in Middlemore Hospital for partial paralysis in her left arm. Doctors discovered the “love bite” on her neck was directly over an artery in her neck.

The hickey caused a small clot to form, which traveled to her heart causing a small stroke and the resulting paralysis. The clot was treated with an anticoagulant and was dissolved in a week.

The attending physician said “We looked at the medical literature and that example of having a love bite causing something like that hasn´t been described before.”

I stand accused.