On Friday June 10, 2015, after many months of deliberation in an America that has been programed to boil furiously over whenever a successful person is deemed to be more equal than . . .anyone, the United States Seventh District Court of Appeals ruled that Ty Warner's punishment and sentence was just.
That was a shock to me. Given our spiritus mundi (can I still say that?), I expected the reverse, because I have gotten to know Ty Warner a little bit and that little bit leads me to believe that he is a good guy and this is no time for good guys - to paraphrase Cormac McCarthy. Creeps prosper, but good guys seem to take it in the neck. The Sharptons, The Trumps, The Clintons, The Ayers and the self-made creeps like Dan Savage,Bill Cosby and Rachel Dolezal flourish in the age of Harrison Bergeron.
Every news outlet reporting on this fact strains mightily to get a hissy-slap at the billionaire anyway and that is only to be expected. You see, Ty Warner built his empire. Ty Warner is a man whom the legal cozeners, the academic milquetoasts and media purse puppies want punished, because he built his success. Can't have that getting around. We are living in a time predicted by writer Kurt Vonnegut decades ago. In his story Harrison Bergeron everyone must be equal -whatever.
THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal. They weren't only equalThe Handicapper General is coming, unless good guys ( gender neutral, mind) take stock.
before God and the law. They were equal every which way. Nobody was smarter
than anybody else. Nobody was better looking than anybody else. Nobody was
stronger or quicker than anybody else. All this equality was due to the
211th, 212th, and 213 th Amendments to the Constitution, and to the unceasing
vigilance of agents of the United States Handicapper General.
Ty Warner has spent a great deal of time here at Leo High School, as part of his probation to be sure, but having a wonderful time of it. I am an old timey English teacher who learned his trade by watching and emulating my betters. How I engaged my students was how I was assessed, by Father Bob Erickson, Father Jim Fanale, Father Ken Yarno, Nick Novich, Jim Frogge, Dave Raiche, Sister Hellen Kavanaugh and Rich Zinnani. They told me and taught me that teaching kids required much more than book learnin' - did I like being with people who wanted to learn something; not just people to talk at. My great mentors taught me that I could not fake it. " Hickey, you can't pretend to be a good guy,"
You is, or you ain't. Only a good guy can be an effective teacher and the State don't issue Type-301 Good Guy Certification.
Ty Warner would have made a superb class-room teacher.
He is patient, witty, prepared, engaged and engaging with willful, occasionally obstreperous and easily bored young men who might not ever become billionaires. They might not. Ty Warner offers them an up-close and personal opportunity to learn from a man who is a billionaire.
All of Ty Warner's billions of dollars can not make him a good guy, nor can he leave that in his Will.
He earned that sobriquet, just as he did his fortune, on his own. Ty Warner treats people, who can do absolutely nothing for him, like they are the most important and interesting people on earth. You can not fake that.
I am very happy that at least one good guy survived our Harrison Bergeron culture and society. Thanks be to God.