Aloysius "Turk" McArdle is a tough guy who takes back-sass from no one. However, . . . South bound Dan Ryan at 87th Street . . .
A Chicago cop pulls over McArdle's speeding car. The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'
The McArdle says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. '
Not looking up from her knitting McArdle's wife says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'
As the young officer writes out the ticket, the Turk looks over at his wife and growls,
'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !!?'
The patient and devout Gert McArdle smiles demurely and says, 'Well dear you should be thankful your radardetector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.'
As the Esposa Simpatico Officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, Turk, a former Catholic League third string lineman, glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'
The Officer Martinez frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'
McArdle says, 'Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'
The long-suffering and pious Gert says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'
As Officer Martinez is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'
Gert smiled pertly, 'Only when he's been drinking.!!'
Huge Hat Tip to Iron Mike McQuade, Veteran and Patriot!