Thursday, November 29, 2007

Mike Quigley - He's Under the Radar and Everything Else



Mike Quigley studied in Israel ( That's Mike - Right in the middle sporting the Maroon Jumper). There he learned from experts on how to rid the Cook County Forest Preserves of waste - 'Behind us, Commissioner Quigley is the Sahara Forrest.'

Quigley - 'But, Yev, that's a desert!'

Yev - 'Now.'


Big Headlines often eclipse the little men who help make them. Mike Quigley - Cook County Commissioner has been behind - or under most the big ones dealing with Cook County government for years.

The Headlines and banners tout the machinations and the cascades of misspeaks by Bill Beavers and the inner-Party brawlings of Liz Gorman and Tony Peraica with photo ops by Forrest Claypool, looking determinedly befuddled - heck, Forrest, you play with Mike Quigley and you get that way.

Quigley ditched you for Todd Stroger - that's gotta hurt.

But Quigley gets a pass. He noodles an area of the City with high purchasing power and higher transciency. Quigley needs votes. People get to know Quigley, mercifully, move off to New York and L.A. and are replaced by new waves of earnest Yuppies.

The Media gets worked by Quigley like a kid from Puebla with a Local 150 Operators card. He's on 24/7.

He has pal columnists who never peek into his runnings and goings, much less his past. Quigley plays the University Think Tankers like Earl Scruggs on a G-Tuned 5-string Gibson!

As a reader of the news, why not give Mike Quigley an occasional tickle every now and then - like gave to John Stroger, John Daley, Helen Schiller,Michael Sheahan and any one else who was a few rungs up the ladder from his little mitts and toes.

Mike Quigley wants to be Cook County Board President by 2010. Click on my post title for the always prescient Russ Stewart's study of the Cook County States Attorney Race from back in June.

If someone, anyone, in Cook County Government, heck any government, or if you are an eight year old blind kid with the last $100,000 Candy Bar from the White Hen display, chances are Mike Quigley is chumming the guts in the waters around you - 'Sharks! Get To Swimming, Yoostis!'

In the mean time - allow me to entertain you with a tale from my Quigley files:

Mike Quigley and the Blonde

Cook County Commissioner Quigley and a blonde are sitting next to each other at the bar. The Uriah Heep of Illinois Politics leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, drunk and dozing, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
Quigley persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa."
Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
Mike Quigley, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to the game.
Quigley asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the Reformer Manque: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
Quigley looks at her with a puzzled look.
He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the digital cell phone via infra-red wireless connection to his modem port and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mail to all Sun Times Editorial Board Members, Ben Jovarsky who feeds Quigley ideas, and Mark Brown, whom Quigley then feeds, friends, clients, and victims that he knows. And then some. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.
Mike Quigley, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the Little Giant $5, and goes back to sleep.

3 comments:

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pathickey said...

Shucks, thanks stranger!

Anonymous said...

I actually laughed out loud.