Happy Ballantine's!

Carl Ballantine of McHale's Navy

St. Valentine's Day! Why I Love Women.

How We Men See Ourselves-



Empirical Man - How I Are. Anyway -








"As Madam Sappho in some sonnet said / 'A slap and a tickle / Is all that the fickle / Male / Ever has in his head' " Cole Porter, who went no where near Sappho, or any other skirt, on her best day.

("Unless they [men] are castrated, their brains do not function properly" Erica Jong from Sappho's Leap.


I have been a committed Sapphist all of of my life. Like most men, I have perpetually visiting Sapphic desires that are only augmented by a healthy regard for the dignity and strength that is woman, taught by women themselves. Nevertheless, I choose to hang on to Le Dieu du package donné Homme ( literal and metaphorical) until the warranty gives out; thank you, very much.

From Holy Mary Mother of God, to Ma - Ginny, to Sis Joan, to the departed Mary Cleary Mother of my children, to my girls Nora and Clare to my mother in-law Alice, to sister in law Gail Cleary and my St. Cajetan's sexy neighbor gals,to Sophisticated Lady, to Lady is a Tramp, to Snow White's Wicked StepMom ( my personal Milf #1.)to Alligator Woman, to Thank Heaven for Little Girls, to the Woman of My Dreams who deigns to be seen in public with me, to girls that had the very good sense to give me the brush off, To all the girls I've loved before Who travelled in and out my door I'm glad they came along I dedicate this song To all the girls I've loved before To all the girls I once caressed And may I say I've held the best For helping me to growI owe a lot I know Happy St. Valentine's Day!

Why you have anything to do with us lumpy, shiftless, attention defective, cartoon watching, lazy, whiney, horney, slip-shod hypochondriacs I will never know, but thank you.

We do what we can. . .if there is absolutely no way of putting it off, or getting out of it.

Women rule our thoughts, our vanities, our insecurities and our obligations. You clean us up, get us to church, and inspire us to be better than we are. No small task that.

A girl married to a very lucky Chicago Fireman in my neighborhood writes possibly the best antidote to the idiotic radical feminism so dominant in our culture. I believe that radical feminism nearly emasculated the American Male and diminished the natural and spiritual worth that is Woman. Marianne writes this about her choice in men. Girls and Perpetual Boys are the by-products of feminism it seems to me.

Girls are silly romantic dopes, like Amelia in Thackeray's Vanity Fair - in love with a fecklessly cruel sneak of a spoiled child, well into her middle age. Boys are obnoxious preening fops, who believe that they are poets and brigands - Byronic goofs. Boys are serial goats -leaping from sexual conquest to contest and always armed with a battery of bullshit.

Marianne, of We Band of Mothers notes:

Romantic Guy is the man who has perfected the art of making women swoon. He is poetry and roses. He is chivalrous. Gallant even. He is hard to resist because he feeds into a woman's desire for Hollywood romance and utter adoration.

Of course, Romantic Guy typically has the attention span of a flea. He tends to leave women sobbing in their lattes once his attention turns to the next best thing.

After one such relationship, I swore to my girlfriends that I didn't want to waste another moment with Romantic Guy. Instead, I longed for "Thick & Thin Guy."

Thick & Thin Guy stands by his gal in good times and in bad. He cares as much for her when she's a size 16 as he did when she was an 8. He is loyal, committed, and has never written a poem because he thinks only sissies do that.

I met and married Thick & Thin Guy. Life with my husband is not perfect, but it is pretty darn nice. I never doubt his love for his family, and he is the only man who has figured out that it's better to make me laugh than to do battle when I'm "in a mood."

You girls know what I'm talking about it

I love women! Girls are OK to witness, but absolutely lousy partners in anything. The only worse partner is a Boy. Try getting one to meet an obligation - too many toys and too much time.

I love women unconditionally.

Happy St. Valentine's Day!

Gents, Give Her a Box of Snaps This Valentine's Day

St. Valentine was a Christian Martyr *- don't be one yourself this St. Valentine's Days; Hell, the economy is killer and firing Fannie Mae's into Beautifica's Yap will only make dentists and Lady Plus Three Size Fashions happy. Snaps are economical as well as tastey.

As the eminent philosopher and Leo Motor Pool Chief Al Townsend tells me daily, when I ask, "What's Word, Al?"

"Save Your Money, Hickey!"


Gents, give your Sweetie a box or bag ( depending upon her capacities and general intake) of delicious and fat free SNAPS!

One wonderful Five Star Restaurant located in LaPorte, Indiana - The Heston Bar - offers a gigantic bowl of licorice SNAPS to one and sundry, while awaiting Prime Rib Dinner. These candy coated licorice rotini are the Cat's Nuts! The Offering of SNAPS. I find that most civilized and tastful tribute to their clientele.

http://www.judysbook.com/cities/laporte-in/Food-and-Dining/26658310/p1/t2/Heston_Bar_and_Grill.htm
Flowers wilt and Frango Mints be damned! Buy her a box a Snaps and take her out for a few scoops of ice cold draft beer! Now, you're talkin', Sport!


Snaps: The Original Classic Chewy Candy.

Snaps is the candy with the licorice center, pastel-colored candy coatings, and unique taste. Introduced in the 1930's, Snaps brand candy is the nostalgic confection with a legion of rabid fans. Many consumers remember Snaps bites in their 2-cent classic red boxes, especially eating them on the playgrounds of their youth.

Though attempts have been made to duplicate its proprietary formula, nothing matches the original. With its licorice center, unique flavor and colorful pastel candy coatings, the look and taste of Snaps candy has remained unchanged since the 1930's, making Snaps a true classic.


*

The first representation of Saint Valentine appeared in the Nuremberg Chronicle, (1493); alongside the woodcut portrait of Valentine the text states that he was a Roman priest martyred during the reign of Claudius II, known as Claudius Gothicus. He was arrested and imprisoned upon being caught marrying Christian couples and otherwise aiding Christians who were at the time being persecuted by Claudius in Rome. Helping Christians at this time was considered a crime. Claudius took a liking to this prisoner -- until Valentinus tried to convert the Emperor -- whereupon this priest was condemned to death. He was beaten with clubs and stoned; when that didn't finish him, he was beheaded outside the Flaminian Gate. Various dates are given for the martyrdom or martyrdoms: 269, 270, or 273.[8]

The official Roman Martyrology for February 14 mentions only one Saint Valentine.