The Pimpslapeur Approach to Shocking Language Works!

Language, even shocking language, requires a bit of commitment.  There are all manner of approaches to language via linguistics.  Linguistics is the study of tongues . . .not literal tongues; rather, the sounds made by tongue clacking slurping and clucking from the old pie hole. You know, speech . . .talk . . .stuff w

I have read and heard advertisements for such language approaches as Rosetta Stone, Pimsleur, and Esperanto Espresso, or Grunt.   I remember taking speed-reading lessons in eighth grammar school based upon Gestalt peripheral reading exercises.  We watched a TV show.  In pre-PC times we would talk ethnic Jewish and Italian until  'Hey!it's became too cold talk!'

I learned Latin and English and used to have a pretty fair command of conversational Spanish.  I can read French and some German thanks to English and Latin lessons.  The language that has really influenced me in my three score years here is Shocking Language.

Shocking Language was learned de la famille, at school, the workplace and most especially the playground. Shocking language happens because shock is easily apprehended even by the tiniest of tots.  A recent University of Maine study attests to the signal advantage shocking language affords lonely, hurt, vulnerable and frustrated children.

I am by nature and inclination a standing eight count.  My earliest childhood memories are honeyed with uncles' knuckles to back of the noggin, sharp words and threats of violence only majesty Cinerama in Technicolor could capture the moment.  Nothing like a whack with a 2X4 on the bridge of nose to one's attention - ' Did you HEAR me, Patrick?'

My name is shocking trochaic dimeter - stress/unstress: PAT rick/ HICKey.  I hear one, or two feet of that and I cover up in the fetal position, awaiting almost certain to arrive buffets and bootings.  No one ever good news'd me with PAT rick, let lone PAT rick/HICK,ey. Shocking.

We can say shocking things as children.  Our infant musings are taken cum grano salis by most adults, except elected officials.  " My Dad, says you got crabs, Mr. DiCola!!"

We were all at one time pygmy Joe Bidens.

My son Conor,at age three,  followed a morbidly obese man around the Amtrak train platform in Niles Michigan explaining to all and sundry -"He likes Cake!  That man likes his Cake!  You like Cake Mister?  That guy likes cake!"  followed by a very maternal muzzling from his wide-eyed Mammy!  I was of absolutely no help, whatsoever.

Scatologically graphic words, phrases and imagery can shock, as much as sexually graphic offenses verbal universal.  However those are much too common, churlish and MTV for our tastes. Such language is only appropriate for persons behind the wheel of an automobile being challenged by Hipsters on bicycles.

Rather, let's consider the application of Shocking Language borne by iconoclastic view masters of the world's sense of propriety.

I was introduced to the parents of prospective students by our marginally educated principal as " Mr. Hickey, Our BeKnighted English Teacher!"

I assured the parents that their two boys would be instructed with more than a few moments of lucidity in my care and assured the shocked Mom and Dad that my grasp of vocabulary exceed the command of my superior Ms. Sheepshanks, a State certified job holder.

The parents were charmed and enrolled their children ASAP.  The educator remains benighted. Shocking language helps, once apprehended as homophone failure sounding  from a Peter Principled Principal..

My Old buddy DooDah Ma#$% of LaPorte County, Indiana was charged with assault following an imbroglio at the Prairie Tavern (PT) in Rolling Prairie. Doodah looked like Randall 'Tex' Cobb on a windy day and was a superior bartender and judge of human worth.

A serial lawsuit perpetrator had staked out PT as his latest victim and pretended to be hurt.  Doodah ushered the man out with some brio and the man's false teeth fell to the floor.  Doodah was asked by the judge about the events.  Doodah explained, " Your Honor, the gentleman in question made a general threat to one and all upon entering.  I detected . . . .smelled you Honor . . . the pungent aroma of marijuana upon his person and asked him to leave.  He refused and gently escorted the man making this accusation to the door. At the door, this man returned my courtesies and patience with hocker spat in my direction which I dodged."

The robed County magistrate was spell bound, " What then Mr. Mag#$%?"

" I bitch-slapped him, " replied well-spoken tap-tun.

"Please, explain Mr. Mag#$%," encouraged the jurists." I whacked him in the chops with back of my hand Your Honor . . .you know . . .a bitch slap?"

"Continue, MR. Ma#$%, ordered the Hoosier Black Robe.

" I picked up the man's bridge work washed it off in the sink and returned the undamaged choppers to the larcenous dope smoker. . ." and with a majestic sweep of his arm announced, " in full view of twenty sober and industrious Christians, now Present, Your Honor!"

Case dismissed.

Shocking language?  Shocking testimony and shockingly sound judgment.

Fishing Saugany Lake, Indiana with Fareed Zakaria

One thing I have learned in the last few years is there is nothing Fareed Zakaria does not know. The guy is everywhere, like a kind of unblinking and soul-less William Shatner.

Fareed Zakaria can tell you how he advises President Obama and how to pull in a string full of Smallies, Largemouth, Crappies, and Catfish from the Great Saugany Lake in La Porte County, Indiana.

Hop into Fareed's BBC - Bass Boat Central!

Hello, I am Fareed Zakaria. Today, is the first day of summer at 12:31 PM Central Standard Time and that means it's time to wet your line and drown the old nightcrawlers, if they don't come up with keepers, in Saugany Lake. First I'd like a good old Hoosier Shout out for Owen F. Smith, of Fairfield who hooked a record Smallmouth weighing in at 10 lbs. 8 oz. at Wheeler Dam on a shiny tailwate! May the draw-down in the Iraq and Afghanistan be as fruitful.

Speaking of fruitful, have you been to the Heston Bar lately? Located on 1000 North at Fail Road this Northwest Indiana icon is a never-fail stop for a Man's Fill of the finest steaks, chops and cuts of fish. I always grab a huge handful of the complimentary licorice SNAPS in the big brass bowl, because they help me back-out the meal that blocks my colon like Netanyahu and the Zionists block Mideast Peace. Believe me a Prime Rib with all the trimmings gives a four chapter session in the thunder-box. Knowledge is Power and a fine feed is the path to knowledge. Be sure to grab a handful of licorice SNAPS- two handfuls - yourself after a few toddies, a feed beyond dreams and the post-prandial red, green, white, and orange sugar coated tubes of joy.

Well I recently filled the spare bait-well in my Ranger with fresh water beauties from Saugany Lake: Follow my instructions! Now, here's my take:


Smallmouth Bass Tips for Current Conditions:Smallmouth bass are generally their most active at 69 degrees F. Baitfish are much more active in this water temperature and the smallmouth bass will be feeding aggressively throughout the day, But as the arms-control scholar Thomas Schelling once noted, two things are very expensive in international life: promises when they succeed and threats when they fail”


Largemouth Bass Tips for Current Conditions:69 degrees F. in the largemouth bass prime water temperature range and fishing should be good right now. Baitfish are much more active in this water temperature and the largemouth bass will be feeding aggressively throughout the day. This is a great time of year to be on the water. Some of these forces have gained strength because of a lack of other alternatives. For decades the Middle East has been a political desert. . . . In much of the Muslim world Islam became the language of political opposition because it was the only language that could not be censored. This pattern, of dictators using religious groups to destroy the secular opposition, has played out in virtually every Arab country.”


Crappie Tips for Current Conditions:Crappie prefer this water temperature and will be actively feeding and staying in solid patterns. which is not to pick sides but to explain what I think is happening on the ground. I can't say, 'This is my team and I'm going to root for them no matter what they do. Baitfish are more active and schooling in all parts of the lake in this water temperature.

Walleye Tips for Current Conditions:This is the water temperature of choice for walleye. They are feeding well and moving in patterns that should be fairly easy to pick up and capitalize on today. Baitfish are not at the peak of activity but they will be in good supply in the deeper water. Like I told Politico,“Occasionally, I have had the honor to talk to the president, My gut is that those conversations should be private, and they should be off the record, you know, because it helps me enormously with my work. … It’s mostly the policymaker trying to tell me how they are thinking about the world and giving me an insight into how they think.”The lake is really turning on this time of year and the fish should be biting well.


Catfish Tips for Current Conditions:“I occasionally find myself reluctant to be pulled into a world that's not mine, in the sense that I'm not a religious guy. That said, the entire catfish family is very active and actively feeding in this water temperature. All catfish including blue catfish, flathead and channel catfish will be looking for their next meal. It’s perfect time to get on the water and fill the freezer. Good luck out there. Now, hook 'em in the mouth and string 'em through the gills! Time for dozen ice-cold Old Styles with Doo-Dah at Nowhere Bar and Grill! Doo-Dah! It's payback time for Ship/Cap'n/Crew! Here Comes a real Post American World Butt Thumping Doo-Dah!

Catch my syndicated column in Newsweek and my wonderful cable show on CNN!

Fareed Zakaria is host of CNN’s flagship international affairs program—Fareed Zakaria GPS, Editor at Large of TIME, a Washington Post columnist, and a New York Times bestselling author. He was described in 1999 by Esquire Magazine as “the most influential foreign policy adviser of his generation.” In 2010, Foreign Policy named him one of the top 100 global thinkers.

Since 2008, he has hosted Fareed Zakaria GPS, which airs Sundays worldwide on CNN. Dr. Zakaria’s in-depth interviews with the Dalai Lama, heads of state including Barack Obama, Manmohan Singh, King Abdullah II, Dmitry Medvedev, Moammar Gadhafi and Lula da Silva, as well as countless intellectuals, business leaders, politicians and journalists have been broadcast in more than 200 million homes in over 210 countries. Within its first year, GPS garnered an Emmy nomination for an interview with Premier Wen Jaibao.

Dr. Zakaria was introduced as TIME Editor at Large in October 2010 after spending 10 years overseeing all of Newsweek’s editions abroad. His cover stories and columns—on subjects from globalization and emerging markets to the Middle East and America’s role in the world—reach more than 25 million readers weekly. While his columns have received many awards including a 2010 National Magazine Award, his October 2001 Newsweek cover story, “Why They Hate Us,” remains the most decorated. Before joining Newsweek in October 2000, he spent eight years as managing editor of Foreign Affairs, a post he was appointed to at only 28 years old.

The Post-American World, which is Dr. Zakaria’s most recent book, was heralded in the New York Times book review as "...a relentlessly intelligent book" and The Economist called it “…a powerful guide” to facing global challenges. Like The Post-American World, his previous book, The Future of Freedom, was a New York Times bestseller and has been translated into over 20 languages.

Born in India on January 20, 1964, Dr. Zakaria went on to receive a B.A. from Yale College and a Ph.D. from Harvard University. He has received honorary degrees from numerous universities including Brown, the University of Miami, and Oberlin College. He currently serves as a Trustee of Yale University. He lives in New York City with his wife, son and two daughters.