Cappy Dick Hick says, "Hey Kids, Diagram This Sentence and Qualify for Valuable Prizes!"

I used to love Cappy Dick, the old cartoon section activity and swell yarn feature found in the Funnies Section of most newspapers. Cappy Dick was supposed to be some gnarled wharf rat, ex-Sea Dog, who hung around kids, , , ,in a good way.   Kids were asked to do puzzles, draw funny pictures, connect dots, and read stories about kids trapped in caves.

Great stuff.  I never completed one assignment.  I had enough to do not doing the homework assigned to me by Religious Sisters of Mercy.

While reading across the web, I was stunned not to find the usual Hollywood headline grab of the week - you know Michael "Michigan Fats" Moore telling the world that American Snipers are cowards, or Whoopie Goldberg's latest GI misfire on the View. However, I did find this statement by Amy Pascal, the cashiered SONY exec who had her e-mails hacked by NK Reds.

"I kept calling [IT] and being like, 'They don't have our emails, tell me they don’t have our emails,' " Pascal said at the Women in the World conference.

Man, I communicate with greater clarity after twelve ice cold cans of Drewry's and nose full of Testor's Airplane glue.

I immediately thought of Old Cappy Dick -BTW: I am referred to by boon chums as Hick, but mostly Hickey. Babies, even my Mom and children,  call me Hickey.

Hick works - How about I take on the role of Cappy Dick Hick(ey).

Quote I - "Hey, Kids diagram this sentence!!!!!!!!!!  You may qualify for valuable prizes!"

• World Book Encyclopedia, Vol 14
• Balls of string
• Balls of Yarn
• Book of Yarns

Here we go, Mateys!!!

"I kept calling [IT] and being like, 'They don't have our emails, tell me they don’t have our emails,' " -Amy Pascal of the Glass Ceiling

The Last Oscar - Sappho's Curse

I fully intended to ignore the Oscars last night. Best intentions to the wind! Following a delightful phone chat with the woman I love in which she described the performance of the Merry Widow by Chicago's Joffrey Ballet she attended Sunday afternoon and the conclusion of a disappointing parody of Donny Brasco by the Simpsons on FOX 32, I surfed south to Channel 7 - Oscars.

The two hosts a tall gawky dark- haired babe and some monosyllabic monotone teen heart-throb gushed some nonsense about the Oscars. The tall gawky babe gushed out "It's been a great year for lesbians, not just in general, but in movies!"

Well, hell, I'm a lesbian!

From Sacheen Little Feather to Mack the Dyke - Oscar You come a long way baby!

(Click)

And the Hollywood Swingers worry that geese get corn stuffed down their gullets to make fois gras? Cor Blimey! - my Homage to The King's Speech!

I took the woman I love to see both The King's Speech and True Grit and both were exceptionally good films. My daughter Nora saw Black Swan and said that it was really creepy. The last ballet movie that I went to see was at gun point - my late wife Mary twisted my ear all the way into the movie theatre in Marycrest Shopping Center in Kankakee to see Shirley McClain and Ann Bancroft kick the $hit out of one another.

There was a movie about how wonderful lesbian parenthood happens to be starring two actress who happen to not be lesbians. I witnessed the raising of children by lesbians and empirically speaking the kids were not alright - I taught one poor kid adopted by lesbians and he was a train wreck ( dope, violence, suicide attempts, and many trips to rehab); same thing with a relative who happens to be homosexual and her life-partner - they were lesbian pioneers and adopted a kid as early as the 1970's and that poor boy did not end well, God love him. It seems to me that gay/lesbian lifestyle is just that -not a way of living as a family. Much in the same way that an unmarried man and woman can not artificially declare themselves parents. I read an article last week beefing that such patronizing might be akin to Black Face minstrelsy Here's more hair shirt nonsense for Hollywood to chew on -

When compiling research for this post, there was an abundance of information and analysis chronicled about gay male characters who had been honored by the Oscars but less so about lesbians. This discrepancy is probably due to more gay male characters having been written and, more paramount, having been featured in films that garnered distribution and viewership. Hollywood’s sexism is no secret and that bias infiltrates queer representations as well. This is not to say that gay male characters have fared much better fates than their lesbian counterparts. Most if not all of those representations have also been largely troubled as well. But here I’d like to focus more specifically on the issue of lesbian representations at the Oscars as to avoid losing my point by ignoring issues of intersectionality.

Why does this even matter? Aren’t the Oscars just, to quote Lindsay, “the ultimate pageant of Hollywood hegemony?” Aren’t homo award show enthusiasts generally relegated to the ranks of fashion correspondence and even then that’s only gay-male-inclusive? In many ways, yes, that is true. The Oscars are driven by capital and the problems that accompany forces capitalistically driven. But the Academy Awards do matter in their potential to serve as a vehicle for visibility, empathy, and insurance towards cultural relevance. If more lesbians’ and other queer folks’ stories are told, respected and honored, it will be easier to combat attitudes that drive institutionalized bigotry and ignorance. People make sense of their lives and the lives of others through art, including and especially movies and media. If stories aren’t told with sensitivity and accuracy then prejudiced representations of them will prevail.

Whoa there Hoss! Intersectionality?

Well, Lock Arms and Cross the Selma Bridge! No one wants homosexuals to be unhappy - that is their business. Happiness is very hard work. Live with your mate! Get the job you want. But same sex couples will not partner up and give birth. It will always be artificial. That's nature -not nurture.

I rented Winter's Bone - that was a great movie about a heroic whote trash girl fighting to keep her family together in contemprary Ozarks America. It centered on breeders and wildly dysfunctional they be - Meth Head dad, Crazy Mom, Criminal Uncle and Hillbilly Mafia cousins. However, the core element was natural preservation of the family. Not sex. That film, Winter's Bone was the best picture and there was no way that Hollywood would honor it beyond a nodding nomination or two.

Hollywood is no longer a reflection of America - it is an artistic plastic mold toy maker - like the gizmos at the Museum of Science and Industry.

This year it was cranking out plastic lesbians.

"Here Comes the Navy -2010! " Dont' Ask; Don't . . .Yell!

Hollywood used to back the play the of the military. I am sure Sean Penn, Alec Baldwin and Bill Maher could fill in . . .the shoes of James Cagney, Pat O'Brien and Frank McHugh in a service picture that Breaks the Back of Don't Ask; Don't Tell!

To continue a grudge with naval officer Biff Martin, feisty construction worker Chesty O'Connor joins the navy and manages to get stationed on the same ship as Martin. Further complications arise when O'Connor starts dating Martin's sister, whom he meets while on shore leave. . . but really has eyes for Biff and Droopy.

Wilbur 'Droopy' H. Mullins: [Droopy waves, then blows a kiss to his buddy, Chesty, who's leaving the ship for a new post.]
CPO Biff Martin: [Backs away from Droopy] What are you two guys, a couplea violets?
Wilbur 'Droopy' H. Mullins: Aw, mind your own business.
[Blows Chesty O'Connor another kiss]

Original 1934 Dialogue with a 2010 theme! Fabulous!

Hugo Smells at the UN "Él Que Olido Esto Trató Ello" Jefe

The Venezuelan Fat Boy is a head-scratcher boys and girls! This goof gets oxygen challenged American celebrities all 'Tingle Thighed' but us Helots don't get the boy's charms. Oliver Stone,Danny Glover, Harry Belafonte, Michael Moore, Susan Saranwrap, and Rosie O'Donnell are only a few of the Hollywood Extra Hugo Habitues and then the academic pipe-smokers and Salonistas naturally cling to dictators who ooze existential revolution. Everyone else - the folks who actually have meaningful lives and jobs that require attention and dedication - just seem to miss the appeal of Scent Hugo.

A couple of years ago, Hugo tried the Sulphur gambit in an attempt to punk GW Bush.

The other day, the Beardless Castro Endomorph cut one in praise of President Obama at the U.N. The Third World Fun House and Free Parking Exchange.

"It doesn't smell of sulfur. It's gone. It smells of something else. It smells of hope and you have hope in your heart," Chavez said during a rambling, 57-minute address where he mentioned close friend and former Cuban President Fidel Castro more than Obama or Bush."What would it be like in Latin America today if the Americans had not imposed their model with firepower and blood," he asked, referring to free-market polices implemented around the region. Later, he declared that "imperialism must end!"

Chavez also urged Obama to "come over to the socialist side. Come join the Axis of Evil over here." He was only half joking.

That can only signal more Hollywood Celebrities engaged in biting the bubbles in their bathtubs. Be like Hugo! Smell the Hope!

Que Revolto, Jefe!

Hollywood Fears McCain Victory! 'Pack The Range Rovers - It's McCain!'

Now here is a Congress of Cupcakes wildly supporting Barack Obama! Ready to take flight to Italy, Canada, Michael Jackson's Never-Never Land, and or bite their Orphelia Sandia Down pillows, are the solid Americans of Hollywood! Count on it! These mouth breathers are as good as their words and collective sense of commitment!

A HIDEOUS new affliction is creeping through the ranks of America's creative community.

The further Barack Obama edges ahead of John McCain in the million and one polls that are coming out the more pernicious the nagging fear becomes.

What if he loses?

Barely a left-wing pundit, barely an Oscar-nominated softie can sleep a wink these days for fear of the race riots and international humiliation that will ensue should "The One" be defeated on Tuesday.

They think he's going to win, of course, but their hearts still bear the scars of 2000 and 2004.

The comedian Chris Rock is at least capable of joking about it. "If Obama loses?" he replied to a question from talk show host Bill Maher. "Well, that Wednesday after election day, anybody … any activity in your life that involves black people, it's not going to get done. If you're at the airport? No one's going to get your bags."

But for others, the dread is nameless and paralysing. Erica Jong, author of the 1970s feminist bible Fear of Flying, has developed a new complex in recent weeks - the fear of an Obama flogging.

"If Obama loses it will spark the second American Civil War. Blood will run in the streets, believe me," she told the Italian newspaper Corriere della Sera last week. "My back is also suffering from spasms, so much so that I had to see an acupuncturist and get prescriptions for Valium.

"Yesterday, Jane Fonda sent me an email to tell me that she cried all night and can't cure her ailing back for all the stress that has reduced her to a bundle of nerves."

The American shock-jock Rush Limbaugh, on hearing this last detail, had a direct, if crude, response. "Maybe you should try getting off your back, Jane!" he roared. (The two are not friends.) Hollywood in general is on red anxiety alert for an Obama loss.

Crack teams of chiropractors are at the ready, and Nissen huts full of qualified shrinks and aromatherapists line Rodeo Drive to soothe the tortured brigades of the psychologically wounded should "The One" be robbed of victory.

Actress Susan Sarandon has already issued a veiled threat to the public.

"It's a critical time, but I have faith in the American people," she told Britain's Telegraph newspaper with a touch of implied menace in June this year. "If they prove me wrong, I'll be checking out a move to Italy. Maybe Canada, I don't know. We're at an abyss …"

Sarandon's words qualify her for membership of a small but committed group of Potential Canadians (PCs) in American artistic and creative circles.

Barbra Streisand vowed to emigrate to Canada in 2000 if George Bush were ever elected President, an undertaking she refreshed four years later at the prospect of his re-election.

But she was still sufficiently resident in California on September 16 this year to host a $US2500 ($3800) a head fund-raiser for Obama at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel.

The actor Alec Baldwin and Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder made similar threats in 2000, as did Robert Redford in 2004, but none has since enriched the Canadian cultural scene.

In fact, Canadian immigration records show that arrivals from the United States actually slowed in the six months after George Bush's re-election in 2004

Gee, If McCain backer felt the same way and Barack Obama won on Tuesday - there would be no one left to do any of the real work! Well, Lah Dee Dah, Gertrudes!

McCain/Palin: If Sarah Palin Only Ran a Failed Bait-Shop, I'd Still Vote For Her, Because of Who Is Against Her - The Chicago Contrarian Way!

If you want to know who you are and how you are doing in life, take a look at who is with you!

You might also get a pretty good gauge from who is against you.

Based upon this very unscientific methodology, one might make some pretty good choices. The fact that Bill Ayers thinks McCain/Palin is evil pretty much tosses the pair into the Holy Water font. Planned Parenthood, never missing any opportunity to snuff some babies in the most NPR snuggish of manners, thinks Obama is refreshing and that has me lighting scented candles in response.

When the blind guy getting coffee at Kean Gas told me, 'Hey Hickey, nice suit!' the acknowledging smile faded from my close-shaved but manly visage - he's right checked slacks and pin-stripped coat, Hmmmmm.

Here's who hates Sarah Palin -

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, to the internet to air their thoughts on John McCain's running mate and the revelation that Palin's unmarried 17-year-old daughter is pregnant.

And they write "in the words of Pamela Anderson, 'She can suck it'...

The pair start their rant:

"I really cannot bite my tongue anymore when it comes to Sarah Palin.

I couldn't be more supportive of a woman in office, but let's face it, it comes down to the person, and their beliefs, male or female.

Is it a sin to be gay? Should it be a sin to be straight? Or to use birth control? Or to have sex before marriage? Or even to have a child out of wedlock?"

Pink had earlier had a go at Palin, telling PopEater: "If I were writing a letter to Sarah Palin it would be a lot of whys and hows. Who are you? Do you know? Why do you hate animals? Please point out Iraq on a map."

She continued: "This woman hates women. She is not a feminist. She is not the woman that's going to come behind Hillary Clinton and do anything that Hillary Clinton would've been capable of.... I can't imagine overturning Roe vs. Wade. She's not of this time. The woman terrifies me."

Matt Damon has also joined the celebrity chorus against Palin, telling CBS News: “I think there’s a really good chance that Sarah Palin could be president, and I think that’s a really scary thing, because I don’t know anything about her and I don’t think in 8 weeks I’ll know anything about her. I know she’s the mayor of really, really small town,” Damon adds, “and she’s governor of Alaska for less than two years. I think the pick was made for political purposes, but in terms of governance it’s a disaster.”

One butt-head, Chevy Chase, wants her 'devastated!'

Yeah! When your career tanks, demand the death of the mother of five! What a guy!

Decimated means the death of every tenth person - them drugs must be high powerful out there - Chevy sees Ten Sarah Palins - I wish.

I like Sarah Palin. You don't like her; don't vote for her. You run in great company with some great people - or happen to be VH1, MTV, E-channel addict. If all Sarah Palin's experience amounted to running a failed bait-shop in Custer Park, IL, I'd still vote for her - look at who hates her.