PBS - The Return of Masterpiece Theatre and Your Host - Charlie Sheen

" Good Evening. I'm Charlie Sheen and welcome to the return of Masterpiece Theatre - it takes a Masterpiece and you are looking at one! I wish to thank the Corporation for public Broadcasting and viewers like you - taxpayers with your ugly wives and ugly kids. I'm on a quest to claim absolute victory on every front.I'm proud of what I created. Why wouldn't I be? I exposed people to magic. I exposed them to something that they otherwise would not see in their boring normal lives. And I gave that to them! Tonight - the first part of the ground breaking yet haunting Classic Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! .

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! is a 1965 exploitation film directed by Russ Meyer, who also wrote the script with Jack Moran. It stars Tura Satana, Haji, and Lori Williams.
The film features gratuitous violence, sexuality, provocative gender roles, and campy dialogue. It is one of Meyer's more boldly titled and unflinchingly exploitative films; however, there is no nudity.

Our story features three thrill-seeking go-go dancers—Billie (Lori Williams), Rosie (Haji), and their leader, Varla (Tura Satana)—encounter a young couple in the desert while racing their sports cars. After killing the boyfriend (Ray Barlow) with her bare hands, Varla drugs, binds, gags and kidnaps his girlfriend, Linda (Susan Bernard). On a desolate highway, the four stop at a gas station, where they see an old man (Stuart Lancaster) and his muscular, dimwitted son, Vegetable (Dennis Busch). The gas station attendant (Mickey Foxx) tells the women that the old man and his two sons live on a decrepit ranch with a hidden cache of money. Intrigued, Varla hatches a scheme to rob the lecherous old man, who uses a wheelchair.Dying is for fools. Amateurs." And now Part 1 of Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill,Kill




"Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber."
"I've got magic. I've got poetry at my fingertips.I wanted to watch 'Jaws' on the ocean in the dark and be afraid. It's been a tsunami. And I've been riding it on a mercury surfboard. I'm still alive, which is pretty cool.[I was] bangin' 7-gram rocks and finishing them because that's how I roll. I have one speed, one gear ... go!I mean, what's not to love? Especially when you see how I party. Man, it was epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards all of 'em just look like droopy-eyed armless children. What's the cure, medicine to make me like them? Not gonna happen. I'm bi-winning. I win here, I win there. Now what? If I'm bipolar, aren't there moments when a guy like crashes? You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like 'Dude, can't handle it! Unplug this bastard!' ... It fires in a way that is perhaps not from this terrestrial realm. I am on a drug, it's called 'Charlie Sheen.' It's not available 'cause if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off, and children will weep over your exploded body.

Do join us next week Part II of this gripping saga."

This series was underwritten by Mobil (which later became Exxon Mobil). After 25 years of support, the series added the funder's name to its title. ExxonMobil ended its sponsorship in 2004, and the series remains without a corporate sponsor. The show is currently funded by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting and by contributions to various PBS stations from, as PBS puts it, "Taxpayers Like You".