How Un-Evolved of Me! Loping the Mule is Not Love for Evolved

The Sin of Onan - past time of both genders and a few more.

You ladies all of merry England
Who have been to kiss the Duchess's hand,
Pray, did you not lately observe in the show
A noble Italian called Signor Dildo? ...
A rabble of pricks who were welcomed before,
Now finding the porter denied them the door,
Maliciously waited his coming below
And inhumanly fell on Signor Dildo ... Sir John Wilmot 17th Century Libertine

I have been told that I need to work on my filters.   Especially when I speak to people beyond the pale of my blue collar Catholic parish, where marriages largely remain intact, kids grow up and become useful citizens and weirdos are generally seen for what they happen to be.

Gay people are married and live happily together. Some with adopted children who are happy that someone houses, feeds, provides and most of all loves them.  That is a good thing.  Fact of the matter is those folks choose not to live in my neck-of-the-Dan Ryan Woods.  This appears to be hetero-marriage world.  I am sure that are gay couples here in the 19th Ward, I know more than few gay singles, here and about who work at the County Building, City Hall and at the Criminal Courts, who grew up in Tommy More, Little Flower, St. Dennis and Ethelreda parishes with us who chose not to marry at this time.  They are great people who would be as welcome as they are without spouses, because they are great people.

That said, and I said it many times,   Marriage is meant for a man and a woman. Way back in 2011, Illinois passed the Civil Unions Ordinance which did not confer on couples the terms 'spouses,'husbands, and 'wives.'  That was handled by Gov. Pat Quinn, the Paul Simon Insitute Polls and our elected officials on November 20, 2013.  Evolution sure has sped up some!

The legislation has yet to change the simple fact that the Yin and Yang of gender remains at play and no matter how much two gals, or two guys love one another the laws of biology discovered by Fr. Gregor Mendel, O.S.A. remain in play:

1) The Law of Segregation: Each inherited trait is defined by a gene pair. Parental genes are randomly separated to the sex cells so that sex cells contain only one gene of the pair. Offspring therefore inherit one genetic allele from each parent when sex cells unite in fertilization.
2) The Law of Independent Assortment: Genes for different traits are sorted separately from one another so that the inheritance of one trait is not dependent on the inheritance of another.
3) The Law of Dominance: An organism with alternate forms of a gene will express the form that is dominant.
The genetic experiments Mendel did with pea plants took him eight years (1856-1863) and he published his results in 1865. During this time, Mendel grew over 10,000 pea plants, keeping track of progeny number and type. Mendel's work and his Laws of Inheritance were not appreciated in his time. It wasn't until 1900, after the rediscovery of his Laws, that his experimental results were understood.

We are people;not peas!  Got it.

When gender became as unnecessary to the political culture world, it became of paramount necessity to the litigious high priests of moral legislation and jurisprudence.  Lawyers lawsuit the shit out of average un-evolved people of Faith and not the other way around.

When gay marriage was argued all the way from Springfield to the United States Supreme Court, people of sense and faith worried about the marriage between a man and his rooster, girl and her pet pony, an ardent swain and his melon, brothers seeking more than a Bromance, sapphic sisters setting up camp, Mormon poly-same sex partners and a Frog and her robot.

All objections were immediately peck sniffed and eyes rolled like Buddy Bomar was tossing them, by the evolved libertine libertarians who study morality on HBO.  Mark Ruffalo is cool with it; worship it.  It gets better.  

In France,  a woman named Lilly wants to marry her robot.  Robot passion suppression is not new - sex toys appear in every culture. For the Ladies, The Dildo, according to the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) appears, appears mind you, to have been evolved from the smoothly carved wooden, how shall I say, tool of nautical origin.

 One theory is that it originally referred to the phallus-shaped peg used to lock an oar in position on a dory (small boat). It would be inserted into a hole on the side of the boat, and is very similar in shape to the modern toy. It is possible that the sex toy takes its name from this sailing tool, which also lends its name to the town of Dildo and the nearby Dildo Island in Newfoundland, Canada.

For the Gents, the Sailor's Wife, the Mighty Mitt, the Fleshlight, or the Fifi developed in prison for the more  staunch anti-sodomy cell dwellers. The Fifi, which refers to an artificial vagina usually made by rolling a trash bag or condom inside of a towel, and using some sort of lubrication such as hand lotion.

The Robot's fiance and would-be spouse, Lilly the Frog, has science, behind her desires, of course:

University of London Computing Professor Adrian David Cheok said he believes robots will not only become common, but preferable for many people.
“It’s going to be so much easier, so much more convenient to have sex with a robot. You can have exactly what kind of sex you want. That’s going to be the future. That we will have more sex with robots and the next stage is love … we’re already seeing it.”
“Actual sex with humans may be like going to a concert. When you’re at home you can listen to Beethoven’s ninth symphony, it’s good enough and once or twice a year you’ll want to go the Royal Albert Hall and hear it in a concert hall.
“That may be the way sex with humans is going to be. It’s going to be much more easier, much more convenient to have sex with a robot, and maybe much better because that’s how you want it.”

Now, Professor Adrian David Cheok is no  ordinary jagoff.  He's a scientist, no doubt a devout onanaist as well.

All of these evolved means of onanism come down to self love - Onanism. We were sex educated ( segregated from the ladies of course)  by Father Gerrity in the mysteries of self mastery and the lists of love-making outside of the sacrament of Matrimony.   Self-love ( pocket pool, boxing the Jesuit, beatin' the bishop, loping the old mule, greasing the flagpole, chuckin' the custard ) was a thoroughly vain pursuit and the Sin of Onan.  

And sin we did!

However, self control and human will tempered by moral adjustments and canon law, prevented generations of hearts wanting what the heart wants from shivering our timbers 24/7.  That and exhaustion, I suppose. We  managed to fall in love, marry and procreate and then do that providing and loving for the bairns.

On the secular side of things, Planned Parenthood demands more wiggles and giggles and more penetrating productions. A gal has to make a buck.

Grabbing the gecko was not an act of love, but an imitation of sex.

Evolution is a hoot in this Anthony Weiner World of Ours!  Just maybe not all that . . .gratifying.