Pat Quinn Will Name Jan Schakowsky to Kirk's Senate Seat

President Obama grabbed the box of nickels before the outraged Jan and the two flannel-mouths could snag it.

[WASHINGTON, D.C.] – U.S. Senators Dick Durbin (D-IL) and Mark Kirk (R-IL) joined Governor of Illinois Pat Quinn in announcing that the U.S. Department of Transportation has awarded $186 million in high speed rail funding to finance track and other improvements on the Chicago to St. Louis corridor between Dwight and Joliet. Earlier today, the Department of Transportation notified Congressional Appropriators that they have reprogrammed $400 million of the $2 billion in funding that was rejected by the governor of Florida.

High Speedrail's Connect Midwest is the Place to draw the likely conclusions in Illinois.

Following the flowers, cards, and stuffed animals, the stroke-surviving U.S. Senator Mark Kirk can expect a visit from Governor Pat Quinn and Lt. GUV & 5-String Banjo Sheila Simon. It will begin with -

Guv Christian " Hey Mark! How's the guy? Terry Cosgrove sent his best. Listen, you ain't no Gabby Giffords and we really need to make play for the spot. Boy, that is some good looking Salisbury Steak and green jello. Thought it was a piece of leg-o-lamb. Anyway, since you'll be laid up and all, I'm naming Jan Schakowsky to your spot."

Lt. Guv Plucky Simon "Ain't she great? Just great, really terrific, couldn't be better, I'll give her Dad's ties. . . ."

Guv. Christian -" What's that Mark? You're not making sense. . .gotta go. Get some rest. Thanks for the help in D.C.!"


In the Land of Lincoln, where if it is goofy, or contra natura things MUST be evolved -you know -chic, dashing, elegant, exclusive, fashionable, high-class, in, in vogue, mod , modish, posh, select, sharp, superior, swank, swanky, tony, uptown - it makes no sense at all to appoint someone from the GOP to Kirk's seat in the Senate.

Remember all that flapdoodle that Pat and his boss Rod the Convicted had when they went and named Roland Burris to President Obama's Seat? Lord Ha' Mercy! Same Party, Same Race Same Gender, as Senator/President Obama! Huge Mistake!

Well Governor Christian Quinn, Praise Jesus, has an opportunity to use his cookie sheet intellectual depth and after thinking above the envelop will realize that naming a woman from the opposite Party, opposite gender and another race, makes perfect sense, as does Gay Marriage, borrowing more on the debt, giving raises to political cronies and appointing Terry Cosgrove to anything.

It is time; Illinois is evolved! Illinois demands a woman with the same capacity for clear Quinn-esque thought and ubiquitous own-horn-blowing.

Quinn could appoint Congressman Quigley, Kirk's Damon to his Pythias, or Damon to an Affleck, depending upon your own personal cultural context, but that would be too patriarchal and Old Boys-ish. Dawn Clark Netsch, with panties a-twist in high dudgeon, would give Governor Christian a sound dressing down, make no mistake -not to mention the ire of Carol Marin and Toni Preckwinkle.

Nope, Pat Quinn is as predictable as a doctor's note in a pot-head's pocket. He will go with Jan Schakowsky as Illinois' First Non-African-American Woman Roland Burris!

What go possibly go wrong with that?

Ask the High Speed Rail Boys!

Gee, I hope this early prediction spoils not the prize.