John McCain: Scarlett Johansson says"I am engaged to Barack Obama,"

Uh, Uh! No, You Don't, skinny White Girl! Barack is Married! And, Barry, as your Kansas-bred maternal forebears would be wont to say, 'Dance with who brung, you, Bub!'

What's all this in the Denver Post? While squirreling around Al Gore's invention for an update on P-Diddy's Paeon to Obama ( HuffPo dogged it off the website quicker than Keith Olbermann can wolf down a 32 oz. sack of Frito Flamin'Hots) I came upon this touching, albeit self-serving, bit of cheesecake from the actress her own bad self.

"My heart belongs to Barack," she told an Associated Press reporter in January. "I am engaged to Barack Obama," she joked.

Now, you know how these hateful and vicious rumors like, ' Hey, Barry! When didn't you not refuse to blow up the Pentagon with Billy Ayers?' or ' Senator, where is your birth certificate?' I'd say something like, 'I left it ( Birth Certificate) in my jeans after biking and Michele washed them and it's in pretty bad shape. Not the Birth Certificate I remember.'

Hell, Scarlett Johansson is your e-mail buddy, Senator? Dang. I get e-mails from the good folks at Colon Cleanse, or announcements that I am the only person in the world that Nigerian Blood Diamond Martyrs trust with conducting a bank account securement - in THIS country. Here's what Obama gets:

Actress Scarlett Johansson says she is stunned that Barack Obama has the time to answer her e-mails. But he does, often, with fan messages of his own to the 23-year-old film star, the New York Daily News reports.

Johansson, star of such big-screen hits as "Lost in Translation" and "The Nanny Diaries," has campaigned tirelessly for Obama and did a turn in his celebrity-packed "Yes We Can" Internet music video.

"My heart belongs to Barack," she told an Associated Press reporter in January. "I am engaged to Barack Obama," she joked.

The New York-born actress told Politico.com she has swapped friendly e-mails with the Democratic presidential hopeful for months.

Johansson expressed shock that Obama finds time to respond to her with messages she described as "thoughtful" and more than a brief line or two.

"You'd imagine that someone like the senator who is constantly traveling and constantly 'on' - how can he return these personal e-mails?" she told the Politico website. "But he does, and in his off-time I know he also calls people who have donated the minimum to thank them."

Here's mine from a Solicitor Mark Evans in Old Blightey:

Mr. Mark Evans.
Private Email: markevansesq@gmail.com



ATTN:

We do not know each other, but you are one of the three persons I sent this email with hope to get a positive and sincere response, in order to go into a deal that would bring life fortune to both of us.

I am Barrister, Mark Evans solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney to Engr. Morris Haddad nationality of your country, who was a Contractor and has spent most of his life in my country (Spain).

On the 19th of April 2004, my client, his wife and their only son were involved in a ghastly car accident along Pinto express road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to his embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives but all efforts was unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to contact you and solicit for your assistance as a foreigner to execute the claim of this fund.

I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the assets and Capital valued at US$10.5million left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the BANK in, Madrid Spain where these huge deposits were lodged. The said Bank has issued me a notice to provide the next of Kin or have the account confiscated within the next twenty-one Official working days.

Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2 years now, I seek the consent to present you as the Next of kin to the deceased since no-one has come for the fund, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you. The request of a foreigner as the next of kin in this transaction is occasioned by the fact that my client was a foreigner and it will be better for you to stand as the next of kin to my client. Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss the sharing ratio and modalities for transfer. I have all necessary information and legal documents needed to back you up for claim.

All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please reply via e-mail at; markevansesq@gmail.com

Waiting to hear from you

Best regards,

MARK EVANS

Cheers, Mark. You can set your Rolex by my reply!

I can imagine what John McCain gets from Wilford Brimley:

Dear John,

I caught you on TV in New Orleans last week. Must say, you looked mighty peekid. Seriously, Mr. President, I thought I was watching Bill 'Now, Wait a Damn Minute' Clinton with that nauseating Green Back drop and all.

Now I helped millions of Americans get healthy. Well, we all are what we are, I guess you might say by an accident of birth.

Try a week or two of Quaker Oats, Mr. President - John as your friend, but most of as one of your troops. As a man much wiser once said "It's the right thing to do and the tasty way to do it." Now that's the By God Truth, my Friend.

Any truth to the rumors, John, that Scarlett Johansen is engaged to that Obama kid? Just asking.

My Best to Cindy and kids!

Wilford